Tuesday, May 25, 2010

What to do

Some while ago i said that i nowadays use the word love all the time. Yes it has paid of handsomely, wait, beautifully! It was like a master key, openinng all manner of offerings my way. One of the good things to come out of it was this chick who had broken off her engagement a few months ago but they were now sorting out their issues for eventual marriage (i guess). She's hot, has the best dimples i've seen, both her cheeck dimples & one on her left thigh. So i said i loved her just for the sake, i kept repeating it. All the while she was making up with her man she was also with me, & some how i also came to fancy her more than just an erection-breaker.
Drama started when she said she wants we talk, that phrase 'lets meet & talk' always has consequences! It reminds me of the days when the class bully or a teacher told you 'utaona'! pure dread! As i was fiddling with my drink waiting for the reprimand or complaint she innocently asks if i really love her, without any hint of hesitation i reply that i love her very much to which she starts this crazy vibe that froze my marbles. Basically she says she loves me too & says she wants me for keeps & all i have to say is i want her too & she will break it off with her fiancee! what weighty matters for a simpleton like me! shit! I like her but i know i'm no good for her in terms of settling down & i wud not kill her chance at marriage just coz she knows how to straddle & ride. For a chick to want to break of an engagement for me must really mean she feels something.
Thats one of the most difficult situations i've had to wiggle my way out of, needless to say i literally pushed her towards her man. She was shocked that a guy who claims to love her would want to run to the hills when she throws herself at him for a serious relationship.
The moral of this story, do not use that word love!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Ji baba

Back in primo, guys of high school were the envy coz they could hit on chicks in std 7 & 8 with so much ease that we guys couldnt wait to get to high school & have all the fly primo chicks eating out of our hands. High school came & some how i forgot abt the 'babies' in primo & got fixated on the high school vixens. But it was always a case of the more senior guys getting the gal u fancied. Those days chicks were not as liberated as they are today so no 4th form chick in her right mind would want to be kissed by a 2nd form guy. As we got to 3rd form a phenomenon 'chali wa colle' hit the senior form gals & all we guys were left to aspire to be was this chali wa colle thing & get the high school gals as a benefit.
Little did we know that life is never that easy coz when we got to colle/campus the ladies were now being held in a trance by the working-class male especially if he drove a car & could take her out for a movie/drink. Competing with these working -class was a no brainer. But what really irked campo guys were the older men, you know those guys who are 30+, the ji babas. They were what don juan was to the ladies of states or was it mexico or spain? These ji babas certainly had other working class gals but still came for the young, supple & succulent campo gals! what audacity! We despised ji babas though secretly wishing to be one!
And so it came to pass that i am now a proud ji baba driving into campo hostels, picking up a young supple & succulent chick taking her out, spoiling her rotten. Damn the campus admin for closing down campo & ruining my ji baba moment!


There's lots of great stuff i like about women but the one that really stands out is the way they are ALWAYS thinking long term! If we had chicks running this world i can bet we would have world peace, no hunger, no poverty, no need to work- welfare would be a fat cheque etc. Ever noticed how a chick meets a guy & in a shortwhile she's assessed and determined wether the guy can handle the long- haul & if she thinks he cant, then, he's dissmissed. I mean, a guy just wants a shag, thinking of next wk, 6 months, 2 yrs down line just doesnt happen!
A chick pal was telling me how she's met this wonderful guy 2 wks ago but says there's a problem coz she's christian & he;s muslim, they hav not even shaggd and she's already thinking long term! She's probably thinking will i have to change my religion when he marries me, what will my folks say if i bring home a muslim, will my pastor kick me out of church, will i be screened more at the airport when i adopt his muslim name, will i get a visa to the states with a muslim name etc.
chicks are so telescopic!
A chick meets a short guy & immediately starts wondering if their kids will be short too!
If i was a politically inclined guy i would campaign for women to lead us guys coz they think/see far. But i thank god for making me a guy, i live for today, i want gratification today, i'll waste my pay today, i'll flirt with my galfriends pal today bila thinking of where i'll sleep coz my gal could throw me out, i'll drink today not caring about the hangover tomorrow, i'll try live like kamikaze today.

Friday, May 21, 2010

stair date

You meet someone. over the staircase. You decide to go a little naughty just to kick things a little bit. And there she chucks a "The other night i was alone in the house, it was so cold and this area has been very insecure. On ya, did you hear the gunshots? scaring heh!, i wanted to come knock and we spend but i didn't know whether you could open for me. i fear you, you know. Actually i couldn't imagine you talk............yayaya...lalalala....blablabla"
Matejivu can only giggle. say some incoherent bullshit, trying to seem cool. Waves away scared. Am i old? its rhetorical. can't handle sh!t

going anticlockwise

You know me and my friends were talking. You know somehow you make me emotional insecure. This is the thing: we have been seeing each other for a while now, and i am afraid i have put you in my plans but you seem like you will dump me just like that. I even have baby names for the son and the daughter. its good to plan and start early. You see it's not that i think you are seeing someone else, its that you have everything you need. what is stopping you. Me i have plans to get married in two years, please tell me you will think about it. Dont say No. Even if you are lying please say you will think about it.
And there i sat silent, not wanting to hurt this ridiculously daring young woman. But not saying a word and not thinking of it. People keep calling men good listeners. Talk less and less.its the romantic thing. And i am. My clock ran out of batteries. two years and the rest is eternity? and noone aint pregnant. Now thats some

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Another reason I find women exceedingly interesting.

You send a couple of texts, without reply. Attempt a couple of calls, which go unanswered. Send some emails. Nothing. So you delete the relevant contacts and move on with your life. Then months down the line, you get an sms. "You're so quiet". After a year, you get an email declaring how "umenyamaza". How now.

The shepherd and the sheep

I've always held that someone should write a book on relationships. Although, to be fair, thousands upon thousands have been written. Another one should write a book on women. Once again, plenty of those around.

But it's really interesting hearing the view from the other side as it were. Like when the discussion on the current affairs topic of unplanned [unwanted?] pregnancy was going on. What does the sole chic present have to say. Her reasoning goes like this. Sometimes things happen that were unintended. Sometimes, a chic looks at this guy, decides he's a really nice guy, and does whatever she needs to do. And why would she contemplate such a thing. Because men are never ready to settle down. So it's up to her to nudge you in the right direction. Make you do what you really want to do but are just too scared to. Can you say "meh".

Putting in work

So I've been a bit preoccupied with the prospects of getting hooked up. First thing I reckoned was that I would need to put myself out there. Get out of the house more than once every couple of weeks and the like. But before that, perhaps I would try some of this new technology stuff. Save myself a few coffee dates. Create some dummy facebook account and see what happens with that. But apparently one has to make formal requests before one can start talking to people or something, and the women I surveyed indicated that they wouldn't accept that kind of thing from a moniker they didn't recognize.

The other thought I had was to call some random numbers. All that bonus airtime was making my head a bit irrational. But if I knew for certain that a certain number belonged to a chic, that would be something worth trying. One person gave the "you can meet people anywhere" speech. Even lifts she says. If ever there was an awkward place to strike up a conversation... But perhaps the greater point was that there aren't any hard and fast rules. You roll the dice and see what comes up. The more I asked, the more I realised the easiest way to meet someone was to go into a pub, walk up to someone and say something. It's easier than becoming a member of a rotaract club or joining the finger of god or an innumerable other things a guy can do. If you can actually pull it off. And even in my better days, I couldn't quite pull it off. The Kamikaze does this kind of thing at will. Like Friday. I'm tempted to ask him for that number if, as he intimates, he may not put it to use. Whatever the case, it's hard work this getting hooked up business.