Saturday, January 28, 2012

weekend laundry

its sabbath, officially starts jana evening till today evening. Had thought it would be a perfect day to get laundry done since i was not at work. it was mentioned that there was a washing machine in the basement of the block so today i put a few things in a bag and made my way to the basement. Now turns out the usual enterance i use to the block is not the same to the basement, looked all i could but couldnt find it. Being sabbath no one was in sight, knocked on my neighbours doors to ask for directions but no one was home. Coz of luggage weight limitations, i had carried enough clad for 10 days and i needed some clean coz kesho is a work day. I dont have a bucket, i dont have any container that can hold water bigger than the bowl i take tea in- the cups r too small to take tea in. had to invent, tried to fill up the trash container in my room with water but had a gapping hole. my handwash basin in the loo was the only option, but was tiny like a sufuria. could only take one shirt or 2 vests at a time. It occurred to me i've not seen cloth lines anywhere! i guess the laundry machine has a drier option so no need for pegs and a cloth lines. I only have 2 hangers, i never see those things in their supermarkets, they dont even have crockery and cutlery in their supermarkets, nakumatt has really spoiled me with their everything under one roof concept. Anyway i hanged one shirt on the shower curtain railing and that little weight broke the railing! so i now need to get a shower curtain railing. Ended up hanging the shirts and vests at the window but they are pouring all the water inside the room. What to do? Remembered i had not done laundry myself in many years! Gosh i miss the cleaning lady.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Forget history,

Hedonists paradise...thats Tel aviv for you. Didnt believe it. Thought this is where so called abrahamic religions read Judaism, islam, christianity (who names anything abrahamic) began, the land where prophets and the King himself stepped on, the promised land (not pussy) or canaan etc. so many adjectives have been used to describe how holy and hallowed this place is. so i thought. Was shown a lesbian's club that is now they gay community's melting point...gave it a wide berth. this is the town where all young people want to be coz of the booze, sex, drugs, sex, clubs, sex and sex. Some guy i know is doing some married woman. Apparently thats common. Its another westlands. very liberal.
Was told of this christian miro pilgrim who came to israel to reconnect with the holy/promised land. He landed at airport and immediately knelt and kissed the ground, Guys were staring at that spectacle of an african. In 2 days time he wanted to leave this place and head home calling it a sham! The same day he roamed the streets in the evening to find skimpily dressed women, some couples making out, drugged out punks and just generrally 'unholy' behaviour everywhere. Only about 10% of the population is very religious, the rest are like you or worse.
Was introduced to some christian arabs..they exist. The church in their neighbour hood conducts the service in arabic, there hymn books are in arabic. confusing? i always assumed arabic is same as islam and cant mix with christianity. Cant have an easter procession with placards having jesus's potrait with arabic writing.
There are chicks who are still facinated by a black dudes tool, wont be the one to disappoint them, but where the hell do i buy rubber?

Friday, January 20, 2012

Emmanuel church

This church, i dont know if it exists, was on mamlaka road somewherebetween mamlaka halls and ufungamano building back in the day. Was a great excuse to take the long winding route to mamlaka dining area on a lazy sunday evening for supper when staying in hall 10/3/1/2. Sole reason being that the church service at this sanctuary of beautiful women ended at about 6pm. It was like a breath of fresh air, rain falling at the kalahari or getting to pee when your full bladder was just about to burst. This was a peculiar church, had amharic speakers only! How could one grouping of people be so f*king blessed to have more than 95% of the women being finger licking hot? That long walk was a little price to pay for the eye feast.
Fast forward to 2012. So many of these sisters on this foreign land, and whats more shocking is that people here look down on them! Unbelievable! here i am getting my hourly fix of visual satisfaction but the next jungu/arab punk is almost irritated by their presence.
Never got round to asking our kenyan chicks if they had any ethiopian heart throbs or pin ups of them. The typical guy has the dominant Haile Gabreselase look, but guess they must be admired for their stamina

Thursday, January 19, 2012


My 1st time out of the 'motherland'. Interesting!
The plane left on time at JKIA. but not before some light-hearted
drama- a bunch of kiuk women were going to saudi arabia to be mboches
or dance or i dont know what. they behaved and talked like seasoned
hustlers at the bottom of the food chain. saying the way the cash they
are expecting had better be more than what they'd get for 'kwedia
itina'-sell ass.

Flight was enjoyable, watched a movie, slept, dreamt and ate breakfast
and a snak break. this airline actually have classy service! Its
such a dry uninhabitable land seen from the air, could not see any
tree at all, desert mbaya. arrived to a beautiful airport, shocking to
see white/arab/caucasian cleaners and porters! i almost started
cleaning up thinking they are my boss..service at the
aesthetically-gifted airport was superb! only disappointment was that
my connecting flight was at 4.15pm and it was 7.30am jordanian time.
but being the classy airline they were, we were taken to some highend
hotel just outside the airport to spend the rest of the day. was
surprised to have the sun out but its cold! had never experienced that
before ati the sun could be bright, clear sky but its cold.. all
locals had jackets on. saw a cop in some BC regalia, had a hat like
the one worn by PC's and having a shinny spear head at the centre
jutting out to the sky. too bad the camera was not at arms length.
like 99% of cars i saw we either nissans or hyundais. they come in all
sizes (kama manyake) small ones like vitz to SUV's!
The town has many trees and a few grass lawns but coz of irrigation.
each and every tree i saw had an irrigation drip line. guess no way
anything can grow.Was surprising to see white skinned guys doing the
garden, painting, cleaning the floor, mixing concrete etc, and i guess
they were xtra shocked to see a miro being chauffered to a 5 or
whatever star that hotel was. the hotel had a bidet, guess no one uses
at 2 we were driven back to the airport, kumbe evening is their rush
hour! we had long queues for the security checks, but those guys are
so bloody efficient that they start telling you to remove belts coins,
implants etc way before the body scanner and a full body patting.
within no time the screening was finished with all the politeness that
one can ever receive. the departure lounge had about 400 people and
there was only one other black dude. many people actually stare at

eating at the airport is a big ripoff, costs an arm and both legs.
arrival at tel aviv was uneventful, the plane actually makes a turn at
the mediterranean sea and comes to land, beautiful! the famed israel
security presence was there to be seen but polite. they have a
beautiful big airport. a corridor is like 20m wide, they had like 3
motorised golf carts for carrying the old pitanaing and still leaving
plenty of space for guys walking. at one length of the corridor they
have a convey belt running on all corridors to make traffic move
faster, if you have baggage and dont feel like wheeling it you just
step on it like an elevator and it will get you at the other end of
the corridor, so if you walk on the 'belt' you move faster than any
person walking on the kawa floor! that was interesting. they have an
organised taxi, bus shuttle and train service. the authorised taxis
have a fee schedule thats in the car showing howmuch to what part of
the city/country so no bargaining or being ripped off. Every where its
hebrew but there are a few signs in english and many young people can
understand english. If nancy baraza were here she'd have shot so many
security guards! every building has minimum 2 securty people. Every
one, even the CJ gets checked! you pass through that scanner and if
they have doubts they use that wand, and its not the lazy perfunctory
show our kenyan guards do but a thourough front to back, torso to feet
check. All hand bags or carry on bags are checked! there are no
sensitivities when it comes to security, there are no women guards,
i'm yet to see any. Men fungua and chokora those bags like a
non-sense. security is managed by the military and they are all armed
and dont take bullshit.

its cold! max temp of 16 with minimum of 8, my balls are retracting to
the abdomen!
was given a cosy selfcontained hostel within jobo, the loo has a big
notice written 'dont dispose off intimacy products into the toilet'
but aren't these guys organised! everything is done properly, from the
doors, tables, cabinets, floors, toilets, sinks, sockets, lights etc
look like they are good quality and this is a government facility! I'm
not saying they are perfect but they have quality and standards
written all over. to enter the hostel complex you have to input some
code at the door or else the door wont open.

every room i've been to has a smoke detector and water sprinkler,
cannot be allowed to build without that, every tree i've seen has an
irrigation drip line running around it. another astonishing thing is
that secretaries and customer care guys actually solve a problem
unlike our fellows who either keepyou on hold/ waiting then tell you
to try later. i've been to 4 different offices and even when i went to
the wrong one the one i find actually leaves their work place and
physically takes me to the right place. if they cannot sort out your
issue they get you someone who will! guess they have been perfecting
it for centuries coz they have been advanced for many years e.g
abraham could still get it up at 300 yrs old (when isaac was born)
they had space travel (some guy in the bible didnt die but went to
space/heaven) discovered secret to prolonging life (methuselah lived
past 900), had genetic warfare (moses unleashed a weapon that killed
boys only) had cloning (jesus made alot of food from some fish and
bread), had a distillery (turning water to wine) yet 100 yrs ago in
kenya most places had never heard of reading, writing, wearing
clothes, condoms, electricity etc.

thurs is fri and sunday is monday, hope i didnt lose you, the week
ends on thurs which like fri and starts on sunday which is like
monday. so weekend has officially started. from my one day experience
its a wonder how come we have two rainy seasons a year with some
fertile areas that dont need drip irrigation yet millions lack food,
we have a small congested airport yet say our core business is attract
tourists and act as a regional connecting (gateway to africa) hub, we
have had somalia at war and every one knew from kitambo that the guns
thugs use to terrorise us came from there yet no serious attempt was
made to stop that, every one is getting an MBA yet at work customer
service remains a buzz word with actually no meaning at the work
place, we have accepted exhorbitant and crap workmanship yet we are a
poor country,

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Changing everything

It's been a long time coming. Long overdue.