Wednesday, April 21, 2010

All eyes on you

I was reminded the other day, of something from back in the day. From the good old days. When guys were young and brimming with energy.

There's this chic I met. Not met met you understand. I saw her across the way in the club. Noticed her. In my world, that qualifies as "met". Anyway. Flash forward some period of time. I was making my way to some all night chips place. Let's call it 3am. Now I never eat anything after supper time [up to 11pm at our house]. Something about having to wake up the stomach to work on whatever, only to want it to sleep soon thereafter. If I'm at a chips place at 3am, I'm with this Dede guy. He has been known to eat something or other before a night is out.

Anyway. So I walk past someone, and a couple of steps later it hits me. That's the chic. The one I "met". Now this being a different era, I stopped, turned around, made the quick steps it took to catch up with her and said something. I continued speaking until she gave me her number. Don't ask me what I said. I never remember any details during these episodes. Must be the hightened state of fear and trepidation that accompanies such actions. The mind just can't put down anything in long term storage.

Anyway. Flash forward another period of time. I meet up with her at some bar. We'd talked a bit in the said period but that's an aside. She suggests that some of her friends are at some other place and can we head there. The more the better. I have significant difficulty having a conversation with one person for a long time anyway. Why I don't like dates.

Anyway. So we check into this place. She's walking ahead of me, looking out for her pals. I start to notice movement in the periphery. People's heads. Men's heads. Moving. Their eyes too. Since they all seem to be converging at one point, I follow, and end up looking at the chic I've just walked in with. The eyes aren't on me but I can't help but start to feel squeamish. She on the other hand, seems oblivious to it all. How. Someone once said that chics are used to it. That people have been staring at them from the time they were 16. So they got desensitized. A few eyes, after having enough of the eye candy, come my way. Guys being guys, and being all the same, and me being one of them, I could only conclude that those were looks of envy. Or sizing up, to see if they can take this guy. Or more accurately, take the chic he's with. Which elicits amusement from my part. She's not my galfriend or wife or anything so I have no reason to experience any kind of negative emotions.

Flash forward several years. I'm with this chic who I think is hot. She's a friend. So. Anyway. She wants to dance. It's a bar. This concept of dancing in a bar I've never understood. We're the only ones dancing. And she wants to do this thing chics say they apparently are disgusted by. Where you're behind her and she's doing all sorts of things with her hips and behind. Gyrating doesn't even begin to describe it. Too many hip hop videos. Now. People haven't been staring at me since I was 16. The only way I'm doing this is in some dark corner. Not a reasonably lit corridor with a bunch of folks looking on. Or if I had my prefrontal cortex removed. Still. It amazes me how women are able to ignore all the eyes, and go about their lives seemingly unaffected by it all.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Seed machine

An aquintance was asking me strange stuff about my family & i really didnt see where she was heading until she told me she wants a sperm donor, my sperm! At first i thought this was a new pick up line but the chick wasn't laughing about it. She was dead serious! She told me to go think about it coz i was speechless! Fine, she has been heartbroken many times, had been raped as a kid & really wasn't feeling men at that moment etc but to shop for sperm like that was a bit bizarre. I asked why cant she visit the sperm bank somewhere intown where there are better donors, taller donors, dark-skinned donors, donors with high IQ. Somehow she was deluded to think i hav good characteristics ( i was reduced to a seed producing machine). She was ready to pay for my full medical, hers included. I was to deposit the sperm in the natural way. The chick planned we visit a lawyer to draw up a deal where i'll waive my paternal rights (whatever those are) & need not provide for the kid. i was seriously considering it but the formal way we were going on about it was scary! Are good fathers that hard to find that i become a good gene pool? I kept saying that would be the costliest sex she'll ever have! Did we go ahead? story for another day

Can it be?

Why is it that guys get desired girlfriend characteristics in the clande’s but the clande’s cant make good galfriends? For instance if u want to get down with your galfriend of many months tonight u must have started foreplay 2 days ago. U must have called her several times since yesterday, remembered to mention how pretty she is, how many kg’s she’s lost etc! woe unto you if u had not started warming her oven 2 days in advance coz u will most definitely be given those funny lines of I’m tired, I have a headache, why do men always think of shagging or just hold me.
On the other hand clande’s have a way of catching u by the balls literally! They are as kinky as demons. They leave your dick in shreds coz of wear & tear. On several occasions I’d risk losing my job, risk being thrown out by the landlord, risk the wrath of her boyfriend or fiancée or risk my life coz of these clande’s. I don’t think I’d risk any of that for my galfriends.
Even when a clande eventually gets promoted to galfriend status they lose their mojo & settle into galfriend monotony.
Its only a clande who can pop into your office at lunch time, make sure u r the only one around & proceed to give u a blow job that u had not begged for( like u wud with a galfriend).
Is it foolish to think that there’s that one chick who is a galfriend with clande mentality? Maybe it will snow tomorrow.