Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Memories to keep me company

Now that i'm quasi-celibate i can sit down & remember some of the non-celibate days, days when i could make an effort to have a chick(s). There was a 3 day period when all the 4 women in my life had their monthly red days! thats what rotten luck is!

There was this time that a chick was making out with me she suddenly started screaming in the dead of night saying she can see her dead mother at the edge of the bed! Must confess i'd met her for the 1st time that day, her sis & her boyfriend (who had invited me over) came down stairs to see wsup. By then the chick was pulling down curtains while naked & going on screaming. The watchies were at the gate wondering whats cutting in the hao. The sis tried to calm her down but she couldn't reason with a viceroy induced hallucination. My pal was now getting restless & went to the store & brought a rope & said we tie her up, put her in the car & rush her to mathare! Kumbe she had been admitted there before! At 1st i could not believe this was happening! I almost convinced myself i was the one hallucinating. We chased her end eventually caught her (it was a huge house in mountain view)but she somehow calmed down (the sis gave her like 5 piriton tablets). Thats why i freak out over getting down with strangers i meet on the very day.

Sometime after seco we were at this rave & my pals & i were trying hard to hit on this chick who preferred to drink at the table as oppossed to dancing like everyone else. As we got smashed so did she & i made a move to shika he thighs under the table only to encounter metallic rods! Being high i dint think much of it but tried to find my bearings with my hand (let the fingers do the walking) I eventually discovered she had had polio when she was young & had metal braces! one of my pals fell under the table & emerged with crutches & in his drunken state took off with them to the pool table. Lets just say it wasnt a pretty sight to see that chick limping about chasing the guy for her crutches. See, i like chicks with physical disabilities.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Its a new old beginning

Been here before, I wanted out of a relationship but didnt want to dump the gal. So i play for her to dump me instead, easier said than done! Kamikaze was right, they are like blood hounds, can smell shit going down from miles away. After a 2 week period of acting like a statue, u know, living your relationship like u are paralysed, the dreaded sentence 'we have to talk' was chomolewad. A list of treasonable offences was read out, among them was : she's not appreciated, i have deserted my duties as a boyfi etc. Before i could put in my deliberately weak defence i was asked what i want. With a pained expression i said the words I DONT KNOW. She being beautiful & also 'one of the sharpest tools in the shed' figured out that in essence i was a lost cause and practically threw me out. I am miserable coz i had thought something better would have come out of that relationship but i'm looking at the bigger picture which is eeeh....... i'm yet to figure out what the bigger picture is. Lets see what the future has in store for this new old beginning

Thursday, September 09, 2010


Suppose you get an sms like How was your day? Goodnight. What are you supposed to do with it. Do you reply and go on about your day. Do you assume that she actually wants to go to sleep right now so you should reply tomorrow. Do you assume that she really wants to know how your day was but was running low on credit so killed two birds with one stone. In which case, if she indeed is out of credit, you may as well reply tomorrow. Do you mutter to yourself and act like you never received the sms.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Slow it down

So she says we should cut down on the sex. Make it a weekly thing.

Alarm bells!

One of two things. Or maybe more.
One: you actually aren't that good. Even if she gets to go round the mountain every time you two bump uglies.
Two: someone else is tapping that. Which is actually the same as point one, only more hurtful.
There's three: You have the perpetual appetite of a released convict and she wants to curtail that, but she's going about it the wrong way.
Or Four: she really wants to make the sex have more "meaning-ness", special every time and not simply an animal (you) act.

Sulking doesn't work (it rarely does, and when it does it's simply because you look pathetic and she'll give you just so that she doesn't slap you and throw up on you).

So what do you do? You give in. And wait till she decides to give you some.


Wednesday, September 01, 2010

way out

How do u break up with the person you consider to be the best chick in the world?? All indirect attempts have failed miserably. Come to think of it, what do men (some men) really want from women? Why would i want to end it with the loveliest mama i've met in a long time? She's all that but i still want out? Though i know i'll kick myself in the nuts some time in the future for forsaking her.

catch 22

Suppose your chick knows your uncle who is married very well & they are family friends & knows your uncle came to visit you some weekend then she comes to your hao and finds evidence that a chick slept at your digz. would u own up that u had a chick around ama u would lie and point fingers at your uncle?