Thursday, February 25, 2010


Boy meets gal. Boy lays cards on the table. Proposes some kind of arrangement. Settlement. Contract. Gal says, "OK!". Stuff happens. Then. Gal starts asking for xyz. Things not in said contract. Boy reexamines agreement for areas of possible misinterpretation. Finding none, he shakes his head. Too late. He's turned into yet another bad guy. How does this happen.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Religious right

I am not one to question how/where/what anyone worships but recent events have caught my eye.
Some days ago i passed by neno evangelical something, situated at close to kobil on Haile sellase avn. this is the church/cash cow/cult that was in the news some time ago where the she-pastor (whats a female pastor called?)in exchange for lots of cash could 'cure' HIV only if the guys went for confirmation of the cure to clinics of her choice. The parking area of this building/tent looked like a car sales yard, with 2 hummers, several harriers & some choice german makes plus the usual toyos. I wud hav thought that for an institution that exists to uphold morals that it wud hav closed down after that scam was exposed

I saw on tv that Patnni is a preacher! suprise suprise he has followers! & they are kenyan! they seem to have forgotten that kenya is poor partly due to his gold scam!

On tv, some congregation has been praying for the ressurection of 2 of their pastors who died. Its not 1 deranged guy praying but a whole multitude!

Then some bored 'celebs' sit around & form their own church 'finger of god' why not his elbow or shoulder or hair of god? That esther chick i hear gave a disturbing interview on k24. She actually believes what she said!

My point is, what do these religious leaders give their flock that they lose all logic? I want that stuff! i need that stuff! i need to smoke it, snort it, hell, even inject it!
Imagine if u have these powers, u can command ajamaa: 'bring half of your savings to my hao + a bootle of wine & u will be blessed immensely' you could tell miss Kenya 'benny hinn has prophesied that we will marry, bring forth a kid who shall slay the 666'
You could command a guy who works at say safcom or KDN to get from their databases the phone number & snaps of the chicks who work at customer care for yourself & they will receive gods blessings'
This freedom of worship is a bitch!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Give unto Caesar

Guys generally abhor that word 'love'. I would not utter it to save my life. saying i love your hair, i love your cute bum was ok but i love you had not escaped my mouth. Sure i had written it down. I always felt that the moment i say that i loose a piece of my being, like cutting of a foot or losing my teeth. I have even lost major opportunities just coz i didnt say it, what foolish pride! If only i knew what i know now!
In one of those rare moments of weakness i happened to answer i love u too as i was cursing under my breath waiting for my body to wilt or die only to realise i had opened the doors to the most good will i have received in a while. After trying it out on a few select sisters i hav realised it could almost rival the allure of a rich dude. well, eventually your actions prove u dont really mean what u said and r thrown out like stale food but by then u r a happy guy. You sometimes wonder what lost opportunities u had just coz u didnt say that word when it was required of u! so, give unto caesar what is due to him, even 'fundi wa mbao' knew that

Noise level

Are ppl created so differently that some guy had to come up with that saying about ones meat being anothers poison? Growing up watching those 3rd rated porns made me want to have those chicks who make noise/scream them selves hoarse. we even had a neighbour who couldnt hold it in through out the 'procedure'. Here i'm not talking about the ones who scream at the point of the proverbial big O but those who start even with heavy foreplay. & i'm also not talking abt the ones who always hiss instructions like they r reciting some porn script, u know like ' f* me harder! whose your mama! do u like it! pound me! i'm coming! pliz come! etc
I guess it makes a guy feel like he is doing something if it brings out some muffled sounds in whatever language. I recently came across a SCREAMER, day 1 i was constantly checking or asking if all is ok coz even foreplay was bloody loud. the actual act was something from a horror movie, i had to put a pillow over the face coz i was worried the neighbours will come to find out if i was literally slaughtering someone in the hse!I had heard storoz of guys wanting to stuff socks into the mouth of such ppl & laughed it off but now its starting to make sense! Now its becoming almost impossible to have comfortable time coz the night is the worst time with all the silence screams can travel far, at the hotel ppl passing at the corridor & in the nxt rm get their ears assaulted, even with loud music its still uncomfortable! if she becomes your wife & have kids, do u need to build your bedrm in the basement? in a bunker? noise proof the rm? ....Its a unique problem i have.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Competition is terrible

I was doing the usual milk-and-bread supermarket run the other day. Turned a corner to head to the long fridge with the dairy products. To be met by the sight of like 4 chics milling about the very spot I was heading for. This is the stuff nightmares are made of. The number of times I've changed direction [run] at the sight of a group of women. Too painful to remember.

Anyway. I knew these ones. Not acquaintance like. But I knew them. Those folks who stand by supermarket shelves, ostensibly waiting for you to show interest in a rival product to that of their employer, and then pounce on you with all sorts of emotional blackmail. Another lot that causes my blood pressure to wobble, and put my avoidance skills to use.

On this day, I couldn't not buy milk. So I steadied myself, put on one of the stern faces from my repertoire, and headed into the apparent den of sales executives. Or business development managers. To my surprise, they didn't pay much attention to me. My ears told me that one of them was probably working while the others were her pals. My mind told me they probably weren't paid enough. To pay much attention. Get over yourself. I did, and went ahead with my ritual. After filling my basket, the probably working gal hands an extra packet of milk to me. This one's on the house. I'm always suspicious of free things. Ever since I came across machine learning algorithms, and discovered that there is no such thing as free lunch. And I've never heard of a buy two get one offer for milk.

Two things came to mind. There may be something to this milk glut thing. Why do I not like this word, glut. The other thing that came to mind was commoditization. Now this is something I exclusively associated with software categories where open source applications have become pervasive. But it seems it can plague all sorts of other things as well. I bought my monthly 500 bob credit at the checkout counter. Loaded it and checked my balance. What am I supposed to do with this 250 bob bonus credit. And I don't know anyone on yu. Terrible.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Triple valentine treat.

Back in the day when i was much wiser, i made sure i dont get new hook ups in a new yr until after vals or kosanad with several interests in the run up to vals to avoid mental & financial gymnastics that come with this commercial-chicks-propelled holiday. It so happens that as a result of losing some of that 'finese' i suddenly find myself with upto 3 ppl expecting some valentine attention. This cloning business has not fikad here so no chance of your 2 clones entertaining the other two ladies as u deal with the other. Being the average guy i am, i went to a gift shop & the attendant was a bit confused seeing me buying 3 different cards after insisting on price caps on the cards depending on how i rank these chicks. Even buying gifts was another harrowing experience coz i hav never known what to buy even for myself. i tell the attendant 1 need 3 different things/gifts/whatever ppl buy 4 vals. 1 must cost below this amt & put it together with that cheap card i bought, the more expensive 1 to be packed with the better card etc. There is the small matter of meeting some if not all of them this wkend, where r clones when u need them. a question, if u clone yourself does the money u hav double? does the wallet also get 'cloned'? if u kill your clone is it suicide? if u hav sex with your clone is it masturbation?
I hope i also get 3 different treats...i hate vals.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Sexual harrassment

I had not believed that men actually get sexually harrassed esp at the work place. I actually thought that as a guy that would be a good thing, u dont need to go hunt for food, it drops on your lap like manna from heaven. But when it does happen & its not the customary lady boss type making moves on the young dude several office levels below her but the other way round where u are several levels above her but she still has the guts to make u break into a thin sweat both at work & out of it. I pictured that its dudes who make a deliberate plan on how to get some chick they fancy kumbe i was wrong! dead wrong! A chick leaving a phone cable in my laptop bag then to call when we hav left jobo that she needs it urgently & will passby my hao to collect it, then leaves her shades in my hao when she comes to collect the phone cable. u get the drift. U know the kind of flirty txts a guy sends to a chick he's trying to dart, thats what i was being bombarded with! i tried to play the reluctant, clueless, shy guy but that just gave her more 'jathba'. What didnt help the situation was that she has the looks to boot! U r damned if u say no, & r damned if u say yes.