Friday, August 31, 2007

broke beauty

Perfect scene. A bored chic and a willing to talk dude. That's in a mat. A beautiful woman siting next to me. I am trying to strike a conversion(i complain abt the sitting space to my target) and it succeeds. we are talking. The traffic jam does the magic and i have a number. A meeting in tao and then ...

'Please call me back. Thank you'. Am in a mat, so i wait till i alight to call. "Hello, si unitumie kafifte bob?" i am very disturbed. But i actuually send 100. I have a biiig heart. 2 minutes later, my phone is ringing- i try picking and she's disconnected. Oh!, am i dreaming? She want's me to call her just after i sent 100. am mad and P****d off. Ok she later writes an SMS to thank me.

Now my issue is- How do you know that you are not trying to reach out to a 'nisambazie type' There's actually a funny song to this effect and am now on the recieving end. I don't ask people where they work or how financially insecure they can be. But may be i may want to get these details upfront.

Now the colle type. these young ones are very cute by any standards . Actually people say noamount of maturity can trade off for this level of beauty. That the working older ones are just too much hassle. Actually my 'nisambazie' chic, i later learnt was in college. To dump or not to dump. Seems some embarassment in the offing

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The cycle of lov...lust.

Has to be lust. I have a problem with the word 'love'; Unless we are referring to family, money or beer.
I love beer.
See? That was not so hard.

There are too many beautiful women in Nairobi, and not enough time or money. Not that time or money will guarantee you their favour, but both certainly help. Money is what fuels a chase, wouldn't you agree? Unless you can get mobile phone firms to allow you to call for free for instance. Or JavaHouse to give away cupfuls of fancy coffee and over-rated mandazis. There is a nice thought. I digress.

A day will not pass before I see a beautiful woman and go Wow! She looks great. Today it was an Ethiopian goddess in the mathree. Jeez! God personally handcrafted that one on a bright sunny morning - didn't use the mill. And I will want to 'own' her. Or I envy the guy who 'owns' her. Lucky bastard. Mostly I will be thinking along lines that are not very noble. On a weird day I accumulate enough cojones to actually do something about it. My old friend, Tusker, will usually have something to do with it (I have approached precisely one woman when sober - and even then it was after the 'snap' thing, due to stress). So that says a lot about my level of confidence - irrelevant. Approached damsel might or might not pour cold water on my efforts. You know the drill. They have done studies and there are statistics everywhere.

Statistically, a guy is supposed to get lucky every now and then. Sometimes even spectacularly lucky. For instance if one gets spectacularly lucky, you hook up with a girl who has no qualms whatsoever about putting out. She is like ho who never tires, only without the money. Bad analogy, I know.
You:Monday at 1 pm? I will sneak from jobo ...
Her:Fine, but I only have a 30 minute window ..
At 3:45 pm that same Monday.
Again? After work?..
Man this is the stuff dreams are made of. It goes great. With that much tapping, even dates, buying pizza and standing the awful crowd at Burgerdome become tolerable. A guy discovers movies (not the DVD versions), tests a fancy new drink that is green in colour and has a weird spanish name. Walks. Exercise is grand! There are fantastic obstacle courses - like unhooking a bra with the left hand while facing the other side - with unbelievable promised rewards if the examinee passes. And so it goes. There is brightness and sunny dispositions everywhere ..

Then it starts losing allure. You have seen that behind and breasts enough times that it does not evoke high temperatures and temporary madness anymore. You are sedate and sated. Like a cat with a gallon of rich, creamy milk in it. Then there is always a downside to some women. You don't notice at first because you too busy devouring her. Suddenly she is all in your space!
Bloody woman is here all the f****** time!
She begins to irritate you. Or begins to fall too deep. Saying crazy weird stuff. Crying. All at a cross with your noble intentions of keeping things light, short and fast. You start trying to create some room for yourself,..more drinking, soccer, movies, somber moods,..the infamous wall of silence. Chics notice this kind of thing very quickly.
You don't want to hit it anymore. Or you do it with the same enthusiasm you had for cleaning duty back in high school.
You are BORED.
She sees it as blatant rejection and a row erupts. She confronts you.
Are you seeing someone else?
Why wont you love me? (hihi - you all know what I mean ....)
What's your problem?

She walks out on you because is annoyed, or you are actually stupid and blurt out "Yeah I am seeing someone else" just to get rid of her. Point is she is out. The gods of fortune who had smiled upon you get very angry.

Wells run dry.

For months on end you don't get any. Or you get someone who wrings you dry and just hands you wary hugs (no hands please!). Token sex. She thinks once every 5 months is plenty. And for 10 minutes each performance! Eviction notices are out before the tenant can occupy the house. She is catching a flight to Westlands. Crap.

And so it goes. One can't help wondering: How will this stranger turn out in say a month's time? There are always sides. Life is cruel. No one escapes some sort of boredom. Even if the chic is Giselle Bundchen or Gabrielle Union. Ask Jay-Z (if you can meet him somewhere......). Got royally bored with Beyonce's ass. There has to be something

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Punch me please ...

Java is a bi*ch.
Tomcat is a gutter gigo*o.
Together they make fu*ki*g beautiful music and require that 0.5 dance.

Don't believe me? Here is a verse ..


org.apache.jasper.JasperException: Exception in JSP: /htmlui_en/error.jsp:41
root cause

org.apache.jasper.JasperException: Exception in JSP: /htmlui_en/error.jsp:41


java.util.MissingResourceException: Can't find resource for bundle java.util.PropertyResourceBundle
java.util.ResourceBundle.getObject(Unknown Source)
java.util.ResourceBundle.getObject(Unknown Source)
java.util.ResourceBundle.getString(Unknown Source)

Bizarre language huh? Didn't get the message too. Its Kurdish, spoken by a small population of Iraqi people who live in the mountains.

To drink. No wait. Boss is back.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


This is my 6th permenant job in 4 years. That doesn't say alot abt me, but it doesn't say alot of my employers too. Green on the job and it s*cks! period. Any invites ( Provided the new job doesn't require me to look at a screen repeatedly for any errors). I live for 10 oclock tea, lunch, 3:30 tea and 5:00 pm. And it doesn't seem to change. Enjoy it while it lasts, everyone tells me.... but am weeping inside. I can no longer run away from the office in the course of the day like i used to. Man, this is a sure anti-climax. I feel like an animal in the orphanage-to be admired, greeted and asked 'how are u finding your new job?'. no role, no duties and no entertainment. How does one pretend he's working. The screen faces the audience.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The Boss has stepped out ....

Till Tuesday next week!

Watch now as I implement cold season's daylight time savings and convert arriving time from 0800 hrs to 1000 hrs. And leaving time from 1700 hrs to 1500hrs.


Quick now off the top of my head,......yeah, weekly report. For this week.
No weekly meeting either.
Drinks all around. Happy times are back with us again, albeit temporarily
That chic who has been calling the boss putting pressure to deliver some stuff,.....boho! Try calling me woman between now and Tuesday.

Its Christmas.

Somebody: I have a huge problem.
Me: Try next door. We are only small to medium sized problems here
(ok so its not my original quote,.....)

Monday, August 13, 2007

This is why I am old

I found myself at some house party this past Sato, and at some point when I was standing around the drinks table started talking to some guy when Nameless'Mega rider was playing. At the end of the song the guy says, "I didn't know there was Kenyan old school. This song must have been released when I was in class 8".

The song was released when I was in 1st year. I really need to start acting my age, get a wife and kids or a mortgage.