Tuesday, May 31, 2011

to do list

when they asked me to take leave, i came up with like a list of things to do. Spread over a whole month. Well thought and best effort for years.

I went to town today. finished all of them by noon. they dont actually do that anymore. That one you will wait for 2 weeks. For those car parts, we will call you when they are here. who told you to own an non- toyota. Zile half cuts zimebaki engine peke yake.

bumming it is. The new plan. Did i need any? let it be

Monday, May 30, 2011

Married bliss

I was having a talk with a sales executive the other day. One of the rare occassions where I was actually interested in buying the product on offer. So she's there telling me about the wonderful features of this particular product and I'm there trying to get all manner of thoughts out of my head. She had an attractive body, what can I say. At some point, as she's gesturing back and forth, I get a glimpse of her wedding finger, and a nice specimen of a wedding band. I tend to be a bit paranoid when talking to married women. Thoughts of hitmen waiting for me round the corner, or being struck by lightning inexplicably come to mind. Not that I would do anything anyway. I'm a spent force when it comes to chatting up women.

All the same, it would be nice to have some rules of engagement. A little green book like the one Gaddafi was reading from during one of those crazy tirades. If x, then y. Am I allowed to ask for her number. Which I don't do anymore anyway. Can we have juice after this. Which I don't have the guts to do. The more general question is where the line is. And if I'm sitting here thinking all these things, there are certainly guys who have done better than just pose hypothetical questions to themselves. What does she do with those guys. And the husband, poor guy. What goes on in his head.

Everywhere I turn, people are getting married. Or making plans to get married. Which is a good thing. Until people don't get along anymore then kids have to grapple with concepts like why daddy lives somewhere else. I saw one of those signs by wagangas that had as it's first cure "shida za boma". Not cancer, diabetes or the promise of big bums. There must be a lot of demand for this cure in particular. There's one guy I was in school with who swore that if he were to get reincarnated, he would not marry. This with his wife of one year sitting 10 meters away. I didn't ask for details but I figured he was an outlier. Not the norm in any way.

I've always thought that being hitched should be like living with your siblings. I keep saying as much even though I've been assured that it isn't and can't be. I still don't get why not. Perhaps my lack of a romantic bone, or gene or both prevents me from getting it. Perhaps if I met someone with similar deficiencies we could make a go at this marriage thing. Become friends with benefits. Imagine that.


I happened to be one of the few people who wasn't aware that the world was due to come to an end. Until, after the event. Or non-event. There was an article, the day Microsoft bought Skype, where the writer exclaimed that unless you had been "in a cave, on Mars, with your fingers in your ears humming loudly", you'd have heard that news. I happened not to be in that cave, but have been wondering how to describe the cave I live in, where the end of the world itself would come and go without my knowing.

Even after I saw some news items about the subject, I couldn't figure out why this was news, or otherwise worthy of so much attention. This isn't the first guy to set a date on the end of everything. When I was much younger, there was something about Jesus being in Kawangware. Where was twitter when you needed it. I thought the appropriate reaction for a guy claiming that parapanda italia on such an such a date was a rolling of the eyes, and nothing more. I happen to believe parapanda italia. After all, I sang it regurarly. Parapanda italia, parapanda... I wonder if churches sing such [terrifying] songs these days. Ama bahasha ya ocampo is as close as it gets. Looking around, things don't seem too rosy for the planet and our general existence. Although people will point to times in history when things were really thick. Somehow, I think what's ahead isn't too pleasant. What I'm not brave or foolish enough to do is some fuzzy math to come up with judgement day.

The pound is against the yen

Once upon a time, before prices were blamed on crude oil, there was this guy who had a more concrete reason for his economic state. The pound was against the yen, he said. My memory is a bit of a blur but I believe he had had a few beers before making this proclamation. Or maybe there was no guy at all and all this memory is is a bunch of residual neural activity conjuring up pseudo-memories.

Back to the present. So I'm enquiring about the price of some items and the guy behind the counter exclaims that the price has gone up. Everybody knows prices have gone up, I think to myself, but the expression on his face doesn't seem remotely connected to NOCK, refineries or pipelines. And the way he made sure to say it even before he checked the actual price made me rather concerned. Like he was putting out those caveat emptor things. Kisa na maana? "The swiss franc has really strengthened recently". Shock on me. My disbelief was tempered ever so slightly because I'd seen a news item about the said same thing. I certainly didn't think stuff going on in switzerland would affect an ordinary guy halfway across the world. Apart, of course, from the monstrosity that is FIFA.

All in all, I got a reminder today that if I'm being charged an extra 10 bob in the mat, it may very well be because the pound is against the yen. Or the strength of the swiss franc.


When I saw that the pointie was retiring, I was in shock. In disbelief, disturbed, in a panic, and so on and so forth. How could it be. But looking at it again, I myself have been in de facto retirement for a while now. Mostly because there's nothing remotely interesting going on with me, so the only thing left to put up would be a bunch of philosophical stuff. That or the joys of writing java code in notepad. Yeah.

I also figured people had moved on from blogs to those social network thingys. This one chic burst out laughing when I mentioned that I use yahoo mail. Hysterical, live-comedy-show laughter. I didn't know what to do with facebook then, and I still don't now. But I got a bit stirred up the other day though when I realised some people are starting blogs now. Got me thinking that if a guy can start a blog at a ripe old age, the least I can do is do a post or two in my semi-retirement.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Became that guy

When I was a wee little laddie back in high school I was constantly amazed by those guys who seemed to put too much effort. I am talking of those guys who would go to great lengths to get time to study. They would wake up before 6am, sacrifice part of their lunch time, 4 to 6pm break and sleep late at night. I prided myself in being efficient and believed that if I got enough rest, spent time playing sports before 4 to 6 pm and got a good nights sleep I would be a better student. I never got the best grades, but I was convinced that spending more time on school work would not yield better results. So all was well in my world.

In campus while I adopted the same approach, I found other guys who would go to the lib most days of the week and spend weekends studying. When I did go to the lib to study for accounting exams I was surprised by the lengths to which that kind of guy would go to ensure they could get as much study time in. Some of those kind of guy went as far as tithering sits with a chain to guarantee themselves a sitting place. I still remember Sam telling me in first year that class notes will be read twice in a semester once before a CAT and again before the final exam. Again, i did not get the best of grades but I got by and all was well in my world.

I have been working for the same organisation for eight years. I was pretty good at managing my time in the first four years. Circumstances forced me to be in the office no earlier than 7.30 and no later than 6.30. Running after matatus in the dark was not desirable. I even had enough time to take up a part time teaching job.

Unfortunately, somewhere a long the way things changed and I became that guy. Its now common for me to be in the office at 6.30am and leave at 9pm (this has been my routine all the days of this week). I started carrying packed lunch because I could not stand going out for lunch anymore. Initially I would flip through the newspaper as I had lunch at my desk. Now at lunch time I have one hand on a sandwitch and the other on the key board. My key board has sticky keys from stuff I have poured on it. A few months ago, I stood at the office window looking out at the empty parking at around 6.30 am and it struck me that by the time I left in the night the parking would again be empty.

All is not well in my world. I am working too long and getting very little done. I am scheduled to have an end year review with my boss in a week or so. I will have to explain what I have done with myself this year. I have not achieved any of the objectives we agreed at the beginning of the year. Even worse my performance this year is worse than last year. Unfortunately, I can tell her, 'but you always find me here and leave me here, surely I must have been doing something'. I have become that guy who puts in a lot of effort and get very little done and I don't like it.

Monday, May 16, 2011

End Of File.


We shall meet on the real plane. Peace out.