Easiest breakup?

What's yours? This one seems to be the easiest for me. Not in terms of emotional outpouring or lack thereof, just how quick and painless.

Done over chat. I shall paraphrase.

Her: Do you have kids?
Me: Eh?
Her: On facebook, those kids, yours?
Me: Well, that's out of the left field.
Her: What?
Me: Surprising.
Her: So?
Me: Uhuh. Yeah.
Her: You lied to me.
Me: Sorry about that.
Her: I hate you.
Me: I understand.
Her: (lots of ramblings and then silence...then...) I never want to see you again.
Me: (well, nothing).

Top that.

Last Fruit / No Fruit / Fruitless

Facebook sucks.
Damn privacy settings.
Strawberry found out.
Now all I have is a banana I don't want to eat.

I'm fruitless. My efforts at enjoying strawberry have become fruitless.

Relief? Somehow.
Sad? Yes.

How is it default facebook privacy settings allow people to see your pictures? So when I post pictures of my progeny on it, people looking for me are immediately informed. Thus, removing someone as your friend does not stop them from seeing stuff about you, you have to go and tell facebook, give strict instructions to only let your friends do so.

Bollocks.

Dee, stop laughing. You too 0.5. Sam, I see that shrug. Thanks for understanding. Anyone say it was bound to happen gets punched in the eye.

This life! Lemons and lemonade eh?

Set up

Of late many tragic stories are splashed all over the place on how a husband/boyfi came across his mama being screwed by some guy and proceeded to either kill him, cut off his hand or give him 'kichapo cha mbwa' kind of beating infront of the paparazzi. Remember the 'makosa imefanyika' dude in Nyeri. My point is that women are setting up guys coz i'm sure they know their kind of man and maybe even how enraged he can get and i'd expect she'd share that with her boy-toy. I mean if a chick tells me her man carries a weapon there's no way i'd touch that. If a mama were to tell a guy that her boyfi goes berserk and sets houses on fire, the guy would grab his dick and run off to somalia! In those media-highlighted stories they never say that the woman suffered any harm, that is convincing enough that these coniving women are setting up men to satisfy their own twisted desires.If u are going to have a go at a taken chick then think of buying full body armour, which u will not take off even while getting some.

The horizon

I have lived each day as it comes for several decades now, never really getting too bothered about tomorrow or the day after. But now i wish i had a crystal ball! May be midlife crisis does exist! I might not have a new job by month end now that i have given notice to leave my current job, for the past few months i cant take more than 5 beers bila wanting to go home and sleep irrespective of the company i have or how happening the club is, i have no gal(s) - i think thats a positive thing though, now that i might not hav a job i dont know how i'll service the bank loan, my trao's cant fit (do trao's shrink? and only at the waist?), some aunts came in a delegation to implore me to marry (half of them are seperated/divorced), my hao has bats flying all over the place, kids around where i stay refer to me as 'mbaba', having expired condoms (none use), I guess thats what midlife crisis is all about.
I need that crystal ball to show me huko kwa horizon.
I think i need a trip to UG to recharge these tired batteries.

X factor

What answer do you give to the question 'how many ex's do you have?' I asked for the question to be re-phrased to be more precise and clear but the chick ran off saying that i'm the 'playa' type! All i wanted to know was did she want to know the number of chicks i've slept with? the number i've slept with more than once? the number i've slept with for more than a month? the number who were single when i slept with them? the ones my famo had met? the ones i had met their famo?
What merits a chick to be called an ex?

Free from money

Wrote and handed in a resignation letter today. Its the most paying place i've worked but still 'i cut the hand that provides'. The director was perplexed, even asked if its a question of more money (he offered more).He could not understand why one could walk away from it. I have always been a broke m'faka and lived by the maxim 'money is everything', always thought that its moneyed guys who coined the phrase ati money is not everything coz they could do whatever they wanted since cash was not a barrier. I've decided to go back to the life of feeding from the dregs. Any one who can employ me? My strengths are - i"m easily bored, i dont like hard work, I hit on workmates, i hate work/office politics, i dont like formal wear, i dislike ppl in authority, i dont care so much about the company, i hate meetings, i hate writing reports, i dont like writing anything, i dont like dealing with clients, i like interns (female). My weaknesses- i resist the temptation of punching idiot workmates/bosses, i'm polite even when dealing with difficult clients, i cant resist a workplace hottie, i dont re-cycle shirts etc.

Hanging with 22 year olds

It can be quite a pleasant thing being in the company of younger women. I rather enjoy seeing youthful exuberance, vigour, psyche, enthusiasm. All things that I've lost. Every other moment is also a cue for nostalgia to kick in. Listening to her talk about things you did a decade ago. Or things you didn't do. Or things you used to do that people don't do anymore. Then there are the times you're seated there looking at her and thinking to yourself how she'll be talking, thinking and doing things very differently in another few years. Only she doesn't know it yet. Then there's the energy. Or did I mention that already. Watching people "dancing" to "bend over". He!

But. Like I've mentioned countless times, my fantasies are quite heavily skewed towards older women. I've gotten a number of "eeuw" reactions to this. Some literal. But the way I see it, older women are more chilled out, calm, comfortable with themselves and the world in general. No more drama. Or less drama at least. If I wasn't so lazy and introverted perhaps I would actually do something about this. Find someone who wasn't in primo when I was in campus. If not for this reason, then simply in order to use up all this bonus airtime.