Friday, June 08, 2007

Strangers in the night

I am quite the actor, as Kamikaze can tell you. I am in my element when I want to get rid of female company and they are blissfully ignorant, by either accident or design. From changing states (sober to drunk) like a flip-flop, to practically looking sick and about to throw up. I have traversed the spectrum.

Why do these talents have to be called upon? There is this woman who refuses to understand that what we have - had, is a casual affair, one night stands on many nights, a convenient f____g arrangement, as I have come to read on some sites. Perhaps she desires to change me. Win me over or something like that. I refuse to be won over. But I want some....ok I don't think I will be entertaining her again. So I asked in the manner one might ask for the salt shaker in a common dining hall:
Do you wan't to f__k?
Yeah, no problem.
How much more dry and dusty can it get? A guy who is romantically interested would take you to dinner, movies, find you a nice pair of all those ridiculous shoes women wear, sing poetry and recite verses.

Yet she comes to my digs one day bearing food.
FOOD!
Luckily for me I don't open the door. She is vexed. Causes a tantrum next time I find her in the pub. Conversation goes like:
Her:I came to visit you on Sunday, I knocked on your door but no one opened.
I:May be I was not there. Why didn't you call?
Her: Where were you?
I:I have no idea. Can't remember.
Her: I will call next time.
I: No, don't come.
Her: Why?
I: Do you hear me asking to come visit your digs?
I was pretty pissed that she had decided to ambush me like that.

So on a random Friday, I enter my favorite haunt and see her at the corner. Slight nod. I figure I am not in the mood for female company. She comes over. I pull out the thoroughly-exhausted act. After a few monosyllabic answers from me, she finals asks:
Kwani you don't want to talk to me?
No, not really. I reply.
FINE! She storms off.

Me and my pal Tiidii get plastered and stagger out. Music is boring anyway. Winkers it is. Looking for cheap thrills. By beer one the phone is ringing. It is the woman from earlier.
Hi. Where are you?
My local.
Just chill I am coming to join you.
whaddhafaack?
No. Are you insane? Its 2 AM.
Click. she disconnects. Another pint and we are ready to move. I arrive at the stage and I am just about to check into the mathree...whoa! She is in the freaking vehicle ready to march on to my "local". She is surprised to see me. She steps out speedily, yelling at the same time.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE AT YOUR LOCAL, WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME?
Tiidii takes one look at the scene and takes off laughing.
Why are you following me?
Cause I want to be with you .......blah blah blah...
She unleashed an uninterrupted 5 minutes of that gut-wrenching s__t that can give you a brain aneurysm if you are not careful and filter it out. People are looking now, amused or amazed. Can't tell the difference.
After an eternal five minutes during which I had travelled to a distant galaxy, I was back just in time to hear ARE WE GOING OR NOT? yelled in my ear.
WHAT? Hell no. She walked off.

The next day I sent an SMS. Hi. We can't do that screwing thing that we usually do anymore. You frighten me. I might do something stupid or you might. So. Bye.

She said something just as nasty.

Well, its all over now.

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