Sunday, June 10, 2007

Authorities on men.

0019 Hrs. I am still up. Watching The Dresden Files on my computer. The set is on mute, I am waiting for Saturday comedy hour. Sunday actually, if you want to split hairs. Then this card on Ricki Lake comes up.

Should be interesting. Press space on the machine and unmute. Women who are authorities on men.
There are four women of varying looks on stage for the prosecution.

Sorry about the picture. The TV is old and my phone camera isn't all that.
For the defense there are 3 dudes. Sorry. No pictures of the dudes. I am totally biased here.
This one is a looker. Wouldn't you agree? Also the most intelligent of them ensemble cast.

Christine says men are stupid. Profound statement huh?

And you thought I was imagining stuff

Spoiled little boys? What can you say to that?

Its all depressing really.

Wow they have started talking. Quick now, I get a pencil and paper. I want to get this right. It seems, they all have rules. Rules of engagement if you will. Here is a list. It is not exhaustive, they are talking too fast for my pencil (plus my mind is freezing at some of the suggestions).

  • Only date men with money
  • Cook dinner in the nude
  • Always have an erotic imagination
  • Be willing to be freaky in bed
  • Don't pump up a man's ego
  • Treat men like the dogs they are
  • Do not display fondness or interest
And when done with the poor bloke, to speedily get rid of him: -

  • Wear rollers to bed
  • Ridicule his pen*s. Or more precisely the size of his pen*s. [I am going to go on a limb and say what they probably mean is tell the guy he has a weeny, tiny pen*s]
  • Start talking marriage [that WORKS!]
  • Start talking about getting kids
  • Be very possessive
  • Demand expensive gifts
Ahh. Another wimp has walked in. He has come to confirm that indeed there are women who are authorities on men based on his past relationship with one of the women on the set.

Time for those skills to meet the road. They say the testing of a pie is in eating it. So they bring on this lab rat. This guy....

who throws a spanner into all the moves and pick-up lines. Apparently the all time favourite is ..."hi, I seem to have forgotten my [object], can I borrow some of yours?"

The women in the audience were not impressed. They hit hard at the four women, all lyrical about independence, compatibility, self-respect and other buzz words. I have had my laugh. Comedy is here.

0116 Hrs. Still no report. My grammar seems to evaporate when it comes to that. Elizabeth Taylor on TCM. That chic was a looker back in the days. I will wait for inspiration.

Parting Shot: Some of the most demanding and most obnoxious women don't have much to offer.

Guys, we might have to look for another planet to inhabit. This one has become too hostile.


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