Thursday, March 22, 2007

Showdown At 1.00 AM

Its pitch black. You are asleep. You think you are asleep. You aren't. Only
light is that red thing on the music system. That's how you know you aren't
asleep. Cause you can see it. You reach for the phone under your pillow
(mobile phone folks, there isn't any other kind nowadays. And It's under the
pillow so that the alarm buzz and vibration of the phone actually wake you
up). Check the time: 1.10 AM. What in tarnations!!

Why am I awake? Then you hear it. Its like a choir. Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzz. There
must be like a thousand mosquitoes working round the clock to suck me dry!!
It's incessant. All around you! They're everywhere!!

Calm down. Calm down. If you just ignore them you'll go back to sleep and
wake up with a couple mosquito bites, but you'll have slept.
What is this? Some sort of invasion? I've never heard them before. I usually
sleep like a log. Wait. Its Wednesday night (Thursday morning). I am usually
still drinking. That's why. By the time I get home, the damn things are
tired of waiting for me, they've either moved houses or gone to sleep
themselves, saving themselves for Thursday night. They are usually thinking,
"The guy will be too tired to try and drink on Thursday too. We can wait.
One more day". Usually they are right. All these thoughts are running
through your mind, then you remember you are supposed to be asleep. They
won't quit. They haven't had enough? Bloodthirsty animals!!

Time to fight back.

Candles! I have some. Ok, they are like tiny mangled things. They'll
probably sputter out soon as I light them. Time's a wasting! Anything will
do. Someone once told me that mosquitoes turn into houseflies in the
morning. They can't stand the light. Seriously, someone said that once.
aJamaa did. And don't try and deny it! Ok, so we were all high at the time.
Maybe that's why I believed the guy. Wait, that just means I was high, not
aJamaa. The guy never gets high. Always cool, calm. All the time. The
basta...I digress.

I reach into a drawer. Not there. Aaah. Under the bed, they must have fallen
there. Yup. There you are. Two things the size of a ballpoint pen cap. Reach
into another drawer, pull out a lighter (pause. In utter darkness, I take
pride in knowing I can work the remotes - TV, Music System and DVD. Hence,
reaching for a lighter is child's play in my opinion. Unpause. I just did it

Put light to candle wick. Voila! Light. Two candles. set them up on the
bed's head board. That should keep me safe from evil vampiric mosquitoes.
What the..! They're still at it. C'mon!

That's it! Now I'm pissed! I grab one of the candle-like things. This is

Start with the walls, work downwards, then back up, then the next wall.
Repeat as before.

There's one of them. He's a huge one eh! Fat from sucking the life out of
me. Its payback time you little vampire. Now, slowly, from below the guy,
bring the candle closer, closer still. He should feel the heat now. When the
guy starts to take off, he will fly straight into the flame itself. Pssss. I
love the sound of burning mosquito. The guy is singed, disappears into the
darkness. I have more fish to fry. Wait. More mosquitoes to burn. Either the
guy is dead or dying. Any is fine with me. There's another. And another.
Meticulously, I go about my fiery retribution. Four walls. Top to bottom.
Ceiling too. Right to left and back again. The walls look clean. Can't hear
them anymore. That should do it.

One of the candle-thingies goes off. Ah well. Its all good now.

Back to bed. Peace and quie..! What?! Nooo!! It can't be! I hear three of
them! Risen from the dead. Damn Vampires! I need a wooden stick and holy
water. What size stick would that be?

Get the lights! I snap the lights on. The choir sings!! Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzz.
Ohh they're in fine form. Battle stations!!

I keep a stick in my room. Flat, almost swordlike. I grab it. No time for
the war paint. They have my scent anyway. I stab at hanging clothes, others
in the corners. I swat at anything that moves. Almost hit the light bulb.
That would be certain demise for me. Wouldn't they be glad for some
darkness! I huff and puff. Swinging like a gladiator. I get some. Soft
"thucks" on the "sword" confirm my precision. I'm not beat yet. I keep at
it. Ten minutes or so. More stabbing and swatting. Things are quiet now.
There's one or two around. I'm sure of that. They...can'
Yawwwn. I've worn myself out. Lights out. Check phone again. 2AM. Drat! Do
your worst you draculets. I'll get my sleep. You'll get your blood.

Then the alarm goes off about 5 minutes later.

First Wednesday night without drink. Moral of the story? Don't ever start
drinking on weekdays. Cause when you stop...yeah well, you can see what
happens. Can't wait for Friday.



Blogger aJamaa said...

Sorted out all my mosquito problems by getting a net to provide a physical barrier but since their buzzing still kept me up I also use mosquito coils. I wounder if I will end up with some kind of cancer from sucking on chloroquine fumes every night.

I do not remember saying that mosquitoes turn into house flies in the morning but it is plausible since we never see mosquitoes during the day or house flies at night. By the way a candle will sort out a housefly problem not a mosquito problem.

In primo we were told mosquitoes breed in bushes and stagnant water. If this is true then they must be really fit to make their way up to fourth floor as they used to when we were in campo. Unless of course they would fly up to first floor on one day, suck on some poor guys blood and then move on to the next floor and so on until they get to the top floor. This is unlikely, but Sam's theory that they migrate through peoples pockets make sense, how else do you explain the fact that the highest concentration of mosquitoes is found in peoples closets.

Monday, March 26, 2007 1:54:00 AM  
Blogger Princess said...

Pole about your rough night!!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007 7:05:00 PM  

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