0.5 and the Pizza factory

If I have a desire to fill my stomach, I will seek a place that has the simplest of protocols; Much as pizzas, cappuccinos and lattes are delights, I prefer the normal spread that Nyamu of thisorthat cafe has to offer. Nyamu will present me with a laminated menu and leave me to make a decision. I will point to an item and after having eating ...that's a hundred bob. Eeezy Peezy.

On one Saturday midmorning of a day I would rather forget, I walk into Nandos and go promptly to the cashier.
Can I have one pizza please?
What flavor would like?
There was mexican beef, pig, cheese and mangoes and pineapples and berries and other stuff that I can hardly remember.
Mmmh? I am lost. The first one missus.
Would you like 6 inch, 9 inch or 12 inch?
What?
The cashier was exasperated, sneering and very impatient.
6, 9 or 12?
Bigger is better isn't folks? Bring on the 12! There are bemused faces all around me.
Are you having a drink?
Oh my it is not yet over. A soda please. Coke please.
She bangs the cash register and hands me a receipt.

My face is flushing. I rush to the collection point and hand the thing to the guy dishing out the things for lack of a better term. He looks at the receipt and drawls out .....you have to wait for your number to be called....sir.
Ahhhh...this is just great. They have a public address system which is issuing static every 30 seconds or so. Some teenage girls who are greatly acquainted with pizza buying protocol are giggling.

Finally! My number is called. I pull my leaden feet to the collection point. The guy hands me my 12 inch pizza. It is almost the size of car wheel. I pick the damn thing and practically start running out.
Your drink sir!

So you can imagine my distress when this girl who I was to see later in the day said she does not want to have drinks but a pizza and a drink. An exercise in analysis on her part. Take the fellow out of the bar and see how he behaves. I hate dates. I can only suffer one if I have a cold one in my hand and a constant stream of others piling up. Calms the nerves. Nerves. Always a problem. Have let many a fine woman slip by because I have a back-bone made of straw.

She did not show up. It is hard to describe the feeling I experienced. After erotic SMSes, booty calls, uncountable "oohh I really want to see you" ...it all boiled down to "I am sorry I can't see you today, it has become a bit tricky, something has come up".
Indeed. I will bet that some guy's d**k had come up.

I get another SMS after 2 days.
I hope you were not too disappointed or angry. Can we meet next Saturday?
That is not going to happen. I guess I will be letting this one slip too. Either nerves or women who think I am a chess piece to be moved about in their grand scheme of life.

I once asked for a sausage in BurgerDome. Thankfully a lady friend was there and kicked me in the ankle; They don't sell sausages here!