Monday, March 12, 2007

0.5 and the Pizza factory

If I have a desire to fill my stomach, I will seek a place that has the simplest of protocols; Much as pizzas, cappuccinos and lattes are delights, I prefer the normal spread that Nyamu of thisorthat cafe has to offer. Nyamu will present me with a laminated menu and leave me to make a decision. I will point to an item and after having eating ...that's a hundred bob. Eeezy Peezy.

On one Saturday midmorning of a day I would rather forget, I walk into Nandos and go promptly to the cashier.
Can I have one pizza please?
What flavor would like?
There was mexican beef, pig, cheese and mangoes and pineapples and berries and other stuff that I can hardly remember.
Mmmh? I am lost. The first one missus.
Would you like 6 inch, 9 inch or 12 inch?
The cashier was exasperated, sneering and very impatient.
6, 9 or 12?
Bigger is better isn't folks? Bring on the 12! There are bemused faces all around me.
Are you having a drink?
Oh my it is not yet over. A soda please. Coke please.
She bangs the cash register and hands me a receipt.

My face is flushing. I rush to the collection point and hand the thing to the guy dishing out the things for lack of a better term. He looks at the receipt and drawls out have to wait for your number to be called....sir.
Ahhhh...this is just great. They have a public address system which is issuing static every 30 seconds or so. Some teenage girls who are greatly acquainted with pizza buying protocol are giggling.

Finally! My number is called. I pull my leaden feet to the collection point. The guy hands me my 12 inch pizza. It is almost the size of car wheel. I pick the damn thing and practically start running out.
Your drink sir!

So you can imagine my distress when this girl who I was to see later in the day said she does not want to have drinks but a pizza and a drink. An exercise in analysis on her part. Take the fellow out of the bar and see how he behaves. I hate dates. I can only suffer one if I have a cold one in my hand and a constant stream of others piling up. Calms the nerves. Nerves. Always a problem. Have let many a fine woman slip by because I have a back-bone made of straw.

She did not show up. It is hard to describe the feeling I experienced. After erotic SMSes, booty calls, uncountable "oohh I really want to see you" all boiled down to "I am sorry I can't see you today, it has become a bit tricky, something has come up".
Indeed. I will bet that some guy's d**k had come up.

I get another SMS after 2 days.
I hope you were not too disappointed or angry. Can we meet next Saturday?
That is not going to happen. I guess I will be letting this one slip too. Either nerves or women who think I am a chess piece to be moved about in their grand scheme of life.

I once asked for a sausage in BurgerDome. Thankfully a lady friend was there and kicked me in the ankle; They don't sell sausages here!


Blogger aJamaa said...

No one is born knowing anything, we all learn everything we know including the different kinds and sizes of pizzas. It is therefore unreasonable to feel self conscious when one has to do something they have never had to do before. And as for the teenage gals who were giggling, I bet it had nothing to do with you. Most people are too busy living their lives to notice small things going on around them.

Monday, March 19, 2007 10:14:00 PM  
Blogger 0.5 said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 2:18:00 PM  

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