Performance Reviews and the 3 month lie circus

Did a review in dec? i am sure you feel me.
it start's on the HR's deadline date. Just like coding on last night of product delivery.
Only this time, no examples, samples and the like. You can't look at what your friend has done.
Lest you find out the guys grade and intuitively calculate the salary range. A guy you fully respect may not make quarter your take home. All respect could be reduced to sympathy.
You are on your own own, Mr Matejivu.
You have to justify that you are a team player. By giving more than three instances when you mentored someone. If you quote a guy, you may be suggesting to your boss the obvious vacuum in his/her skills level.
Be as specific as possible. That's tough.

That you saved the company millions with examples ain't the only thing you can't explain. there is invention and creativity, risks and procedures adherence. Blah blah blah.
You know its a pile of lies, but a necessary one.
Every 3 months.
I can't belive i will be doing this for the rest of my working live. but vat to do?
Someone actually leads my 20 page crap is a mystery. for thousands of employees.He can be used to read my vb/c++ code and add comments.
That would save money.