Flirting with a married woman
Well. Not quite yet, but I'm heading there.
There's this chic [allow me to refer to her as such in this blog] that I got emailing. One of those times when you get an email from a strange person and reply in the hope that some excitement can accrue from it. Well, I got my wish, and she replied. Some apologies about sending mail to the wrong person. I'm not one to be the one to stop a conversation over mail, so I kept up the contact.
At the time, I didn't know who I was talking with. All I knew is that she was female, and that was enough. I was giving her all manner of spurious vibe, and for some strange reason, she found it interesting. She mentioned that she now looks forward to reading her email, to I figured I was doing my human duty to give some attention to someone who was lacking it.
Later, I came to learn that she was married, with one kid. My tone and nature of conversation with her changed immediately. I don't mess with married women. At least I try not to. She noticed my U-turn and expressed her disappointment. I figured that would be my chance to break 'it' off, but for some reason sent one more email. I now don't say scandalous things. The usual "how was your weekend,", "what do you do with your sundays" type vibe.
The other day, yesterday actually, I decided to ask her for her number. Apparently to keep in touch during the christmas break when she'll be away or something. [I was volunteered to be on call during the whole christmas period incidentally]. This was one of those things that you ask for but don't expect to get. So when she replied giving me her mobile number, I was more afraid than anything. Afraid of the path I was now headed towards. I gave her a call yesterday evening, absolutely oblivious as to what I would tell her. I felt obligated to. She didn't respond immediately. Apparently she had been in the shower. I looked at the sms she had just sent for the longest time, imagining all sorts of things I could say in response. All the things that I would not say. All the things I am not allowed to say.
I don't know what will happen now, but I intend to arrange a meeting with her, with the secret hope that I don't find her attractive. That is one of the most sure way for me to keep away.
posted by Samborera @ 07:10
6 Comments:
There is something about identities taking physical, breathing forms. She makes a transition from merely being expressions on a computer display unit, to someone who smiles beautifully, has nice almond eyes and jolly good humour.
You notice I am placing emphasis on the good qualities; that is because that is where the greatest danger lies. Samborera has many good qualities which she will not miss and vice versa.
The question will now be what happens next. Any fondness that could come as a result would be a disaster.
I haven't made her out completely in my mind. Just snippets of her face and hair. The rest is vague.
So I give her a call jana. Talk about the usual mundane stuff - "How was your day", "How was work", "Blah, blah, blah".
Then she drops the bomb. "Suppose, hypothetically that my hubby were to call you ... and ask you why you are calling his wife". My invisible antennae rise. Danger is nigh. I reply with all the calmness I can muster, trying desperately to mask the fear in my voice, that I would just say she was an acquaintance. Apparently, the day before, when I'd called her for the first time, her husband had taken her phone and asked who this guy was who had called her. She tells him I'm a friend and he responds by asking how come he's never met me then.
I sense trouble in paradise. When did men become so possessive and insecure? I understand where this guy is coming from, but I've met quite a number of chics who have boyfies they openly consider as jealous and checking up on them too much. Who are these guys? I I don't trust you, why would I shack up with you?
As for me, I'd like to end all contact with this particular chic [apparently she's just about our age]. I kind of feel for her though, getting the feelig that she's lonely and just wants someone else to talk to and stuff. However, I don't think I'm it.
What's the best/easiest way to tell her that we can have no contact whatsoever?
"Suppose, hypothetically that my hubby were to call you ... and ask you why you are calling his wife"
That right there should sound the first warning bell. That's a litmus test. In plain English I think what she is asking "How are you going to handle my being married and all?". It is very likely and is infact sublimely trying to program you to say "If you are cool, then I am cool too". It is the first step in establishing that a guy/girl would not mind carrying on in the funny sneaky ways when one person is married. When I said identities taking physical form, I meant you meeting her. I think that is definitely risky. One never quite knows when he/she crosses the friendship line.
Straight up is the way to tell her. You could argue that if her husband is already curious as to who you are, then you could not possibly bear the guilt of having her husband not trust her on your account.
One other thing I forgot to mention. When the hubby confronted her, he actually threatened to call me and ask me who I am and whatnot. She was giving me a heads up.
She doesn't sound desperate for anything, anything other than plain old friendship that is. Lines always tend to get crossed so the best way I think is to keep away. She's frustrated that she can't just have a friend without there being beef. I know better. Perhaps another guy can be her nice friend. Even if I were just a friend, chics have a tendency to get emotionally attached to guys who they lean/cry on. That's why shrinks have a field day.
Apparently most of her new friends have been her husbands friends, and not really her friends.
She needs a friend, and she may have found it in me. So she says. How can you say no to that.
The most important part of a story is how its told, and Samborera can really tell a story. Lets look at what he is saying.
1. I was enjoying exchaning e-mails with this stranger chik for some time.
2. Then I discovered she married and felt it would not be right for me to keep exchanging e-mails so I asked for her number.
3. I called her a few times and she warned me that her husband may start asking a few questions. This situation was getting a bit too complicated for my liking so, I have asked her out.
Samborera you are going down, and you know it. But since you are having a ball, endelea hivyo hivyo.
On a different note. How does a grown woman, who has been hit on since she was 11 say, 'I was in the shower' or 'I am going to bed'. Honestly, does she not expect you to ask something like 'Are you still nice and wet?' or 'Do you need some help drying up?' or 'Are you only in a towel' or 'I bet your nude now arent you?' the options are endless. Its such statements that end up making a guy maliza his air time.
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