FEAR.
When I started out in the development team, some of the older members dismissed me as someone who is not capable of much. They would sit and brag on endlessly about how Oracle Enterprises is difficult. They even went ahead and labelled me as a "baby" programmer. In their understanding, there are those who develop for Oracle (the so called "adult" developers) and the rest of us.
I maintained my silence.
Another fellow recently mocked me that indeed I can only write code in VB, and therefore cannot move into the C++/HP_UX/Linux platform. Really? Again I kept quiet. Recently, I had the opportunity to write some Sql Server routines to automate some batch file processing. The work was to be reviewed, by of course, one of our senior developers (This I learnt later.I am still not trusted to do code critical enough).
I re-wrote the file IO routines from VB to C++. Just to prove a point. I used STL, to practice and more importantly to annoy the reviewer. It was just painful, but when you have a point to prove you will be able to do it. Our C++ guru could not understand my program and was too ashamed to ask what the routines were doing and how they were doing it.
The annoying "baby programmer" wise cracks have quietly gone away.
Our team was kind of re-structured again. There are specialties; ERP and MIS. I belong to neither. This is how it works. The ERP, is a huge forest. So is MIS. Only one person knows the ERP well, the schemas, structures and workflows. This person is supposed to train me (not how to code, God forbid, but what goes where and the biz logic) so that I can take over some of the workload. He has refused. His first excuse was that I was not good enough a programmer. Now that it has been proven to the contrary, he is saying he is too busy. That is Fear. Fear that other people will debunk the Oracle myth. That his standing in the dept. will be compromised by another person having similar knowledge. Which is all nonsense.
I will learn myself. There is so much bullshit in organizations.
posted by 0.5 @ 08:42
2 Comments:
I still find it difficult to understand why people feel so insecure and threatened by the realisation that they don't know it all. For me, it's a humbling realisation that keeps me hungry, driving me to keep learning.
Empty debes really do make the most noise.
Pick up
I have not been added to the blog so I will continue to add comments as opposed to write my on thing for the time being.
I have been dying to tell this story all week but I have been out of office since Monday. I should have told the story on Monday when it was still clear in my mind but I guess the memories that remain after a few days capture the essence of a few events.
I had my last class on Friday last week. I had gotten tired and bored of my students after a long 5 months. There weren't any fly chiks in the class anyway so there was nothing to make me yearn to go to class. Besides, I am tired and I need to do something else with my Friday evening other than getting to class 30 minutes late to meet only a quarter of the students waiting for me.
Forgive me I digress. So I walk out of class around 7.20p.m. feeling as free as road runner, looking at my phone I notice I have an unread SMS. The SMS was from one of my fellow teachers who greatly desired to buy some meat. Its amazing the kind of things a guy will do get company to drink. I hook up with the guy we go up to Upper hill springs. Since I was not banana and I do not like mugithi we left as soon as we finised the goat ribs.
As I was dropping my buddy at his diggz in Langata we decided to make a little detour to Psys (I dont know why I always go there, its alway full and the music is too loud.). Luckily we get a table order pynts and start talking about the chiks we hanged out the previous weekend. Two tables away from where we are seated, were two chiks, nothing to write home about, they weren't hot, didn't have gorgeous bodies and were not drinking black ice. However, one of them could really dance to soul. Nobody could keep their eyes off her she was a really good dancer.
Thirty minutes later, I am really sleepy and trying to figure out how I can use 2K, to pynt on Sato, get fuel for a week, buy credit and buy lunch for five days. I am rowsed from my deep thoughts by a chik standing next to me and saying Hi. I turn look at her, and it is the dancer, my first thought is she must have been a former student I cant remember.
"Do u watch the Practice?", she asks. I conclude she cant have been a former student. "I dont watch much TV", I answer. "My friend and I think you look like Eugene". Blank, my mind goes totally blank, I do not even want to imagine the look I must have given her. "Are you saying I am fat?", I ask. "No. I have a buddy who if she was here would eat u alive". Blank again, completely blank. We talk for a while, about what I cant remember. She goes back to her table.
I tell my buddy what has just happened. His advice is I should go after the chik. I tell him I have enuff woman trouble as it is and I will not increase my problems.
She comes back after 10 minutes and says she is going home but she would like my number before she leaves. She then proceeds to put her phone in my hand. This is crazy I think, but what am I to do she is there waiting, I type in my number. We continue talking, she is a lawyer studying accounting, leaves in Nakuru, has on sister and two brothers, is singl ... & a lot more stuff.
She goes back to her friend. I call a waiter and order the two of them drinks. She blows me a kiss when she gets her drink. She walks back to me, I pull a seat for her. We talk for like an hour. She confesses that the buddy who would have eaten me alive if she were there is actually her.
We take a walk, we get into the back seat of my car. An hour later I cant continue ignoring calls from my buddy. We go back to the pub. Her buddy is mad, my buddy has a weird looking grin on his face.
I promise to call her the next day. She leaves.
I call the following morning. We agree to meet in the evening at 7.00. I spend like 5 hours talking to her, about what I dont know. She calls me the next day she wants to hook up. I am back to my senses I tell her I cannot see her.
We have been texting each other every damn day since then. I was picked up fair and square.
Post a Comment
<< Home