The 0.5 of old

I am re-tracing back my steps.
To a point in my life where things were simpler. Did a whole lot of purging of numbers.
No more intrigues.
No more rushing of blood into my head.
No anxiety. Will she call? What is she doing now? Why is she mad/moody/sulky/silent?
Things can escalate pretty damn quick.
Ati where are we headed from here 0.5?
My friends, how do you answer that?
Where are we now? I asked back.
She said I am confused. And selfish. She wants to go.

________?
Just as well.
Switching off engines, time to reflect.
I prefer when women break up with me.
That way I get to convince myself I am not cruel. Not riddled with tonnes of guilt.
Then closing the door and moving away becomes a real walk in the park.
And how does one get into such a mess, some of you might ask.
Truth is, there is no answer to that. Its totally discrete.
One day, you are this beer guzzling guy, the next you are deep in these murky relations things.
It is traceable to that moment you take her number.
Not exactly built for this stuff.
Selfish. Can't share my soul. Damn!

The 0.5 of 2003.