This and that .........
Boarding a matatu must be a frightening prospect for many Nairobi women.
Check this scene out. A matatu speeds at 100+ kph with the passenger door wide open. The lady sitting next to the door is absolutely terrified and holds the metal bars infront with a vice-like grip.
When the door is not fully open, it is half open. A makanga wearing a brown trouser (to notice that the trouser was once crimson requires some serious powers of observation and deduction)
is hanging perilously at said door. His trouser zip is only centimeters away from her cringing nose; She tries to put as much distance between her distance between her nose and the man's zipper without much success. There is a gentleman of considerable girth who seems to occupy the entire seat.
The last straw is when she alights. In a hurry to escape the approaching policeman, the matatu takes off abruptly, throwing her offbalance. Shoes and things fly off in all directions.
Sad.
I am going home on Wednesday night after hanging out with yes, the regular introverted crew.
Somewhere in West a fight breaks out in the mathree. The aggressor is thoroughly beaten
up, but I think he has that funny blood clotting condition because he bleeds profusely.
Suddenly the man starts wailing in a hollow, animal sound and I start thinking he must be
dying. Two policemen materialize from nowhere and imagine its a hijack situation.
Rifles cock.
I feel every last strand of hair on my head get prickly.
The driver quickly alerts the police that its only two drunk blokes fighting.
Guns at ease.
One guy bolts and is almost shot. The policemen chase after him. The guy who was bleeding feels his pockets and suddenly exclaims that someone has stolen his 25,000. I am not going to
stick around for that sht. I promptly jump out of the window and head to Choices.
Where I meet another lunatic near the door who almost shoves me into a car exclaiming:
"I need some weed man. GIVE ME SOME WEED!!".
Blip. Blip. Bliiiiiiiiiiiip. Going off radar. Fellows, its out in the open. I am flat
broke and the month is not even started yet. I am never going to get a credit card. Or
debit card. Too much temptation.
When she calls, and she will call, I will say, my dear, I got robbed.
Her: Lets go to Carni.
Me: I have to go to work tomorrow (which is a lie) plus I am broke.
Her: I am not broke. I got lots of cash (opens purse to reveal a thick wad of Kshs
1000 notes)
I had this conversation with a lady of about 25 to 27 years sometime ago. I had only
known her name and a few other details for about only the previous one hour. I have heard chilling stories of people who have gone out with beautiful strangers only to wake up without
their kidneys and liver. Others, have been seduced by women, drugged and raped by gay
men.
The possibility of great fun or a remote possibility of losing my internal organs, or
possible bodily harm? It was a no-brainer. I went home. The Nairobi fun scene is fraught
with danger.
Said my mouthful for the week.
@aJamaa. Are you freezing yet? Tried calling you but you must have been on a plane. We were on a roll on Wednesay and we wanted you to abort your flight and training and drink beer! Happy ....learning. You achieve that dream that was only alluded to but never mentioned.
posted by 0.5 @ 10:21
5 Comments:
The things that happen to/around you... Unreal.
Eeh mzee. There is too much drama around you on your way home. I suggest you either stop going out or dont head home until 8 am the next day. I am starting to get concerned that one of this days you may be a victim of collateral damage.
Pliz post this for me. For some strange reason the 'blog this' link is still not working for me.
Somethin new under the sun
I have been in Cape Town for the last two days and there's so much new
stuff.
House
They got me a one bedroom flat by the sea side.So I have a pretty nice
view of waves. The place is Ok, just OK. I have nice comfortable couch
that a chik would find good for cuddling. However, it would be nice if I
had DSTV and could figure out which radio station plays the kind of music
I like and does not have presenters who talk all the time or every so
often switch to Afrikaans or Xhosa.
Car
They got me a small Toyota, its even smaller than mine. And the damn
thing is completely manual. It does not have power steering, power
windows or central locking. I am also concerned about the fact that it
does not have air bags. I have been getting lost and its just a matter of
time before I get onto a one way driving the wrong side.Its a well known
fact that I have a poor sense of direction. I am yet to make a single
trip without getting lost. On the first day a guy from the office (who
has the unenviable task of taking care of me) met me at the airport,
hooked me up with the rental and asked me to follow me to where I will be
staying. He then got into 'my' car so that he could show me the way to
the office and show me where I can shop and get food. For a normal guy
this would have been enough to guarantee that they find their way around.
He also gave me a map so that I can find my way around.
I have gotten lost everytime since then. On the first day I got lost
going out for dinner. On the second day I got lost coming to the office
and then got lost again getting back to the house. Today morning I missed
a turn on my way to the office and ended up on a free way (the damn thing
has three lanes going one way) but luckily I was able to turn off it
after a 5kms.
Office
The office is very white. There is surprisingly a good proportion of
women. I also find people to be a bit older than Kenya where the average
age of guys in the office must be 28, but I might be wrong white guys
look older than they really are. Just look at Roonie. The other thing
about the office is that guys are more comfortable speaking Afrikaans
than English. I have not been assigned any jobo yet, they are not sure
what to do with me so they will probably toss me from one training
session to another. Guys also dont have to wear suits which is good but
it also means I will have to buy some trousers. A guy can gate away with
wearing three suits but not three trousers.
Cooking
It was so cold yesterday evening that I did not want to go out for
dinner. I was also a bit full so decided to have a little snack. I
decided to make a sandwitch using sausages that I got earlier in the
evening. I take the frying pan out, add a bit of olive oil and toss in
two sausages. After a few minutes the damn thing start swelling at an
increasing rate. I decide to pock them with a knife to stop the
inevitable explosion. The stuff inside starts leaking out. The damn
things now look like slags that have been squashed. They start smoking so
I add some fat which jumps right out of the pan and onto my hands. The
place has so much smoke I am concerned the security guard my come to
check it out. I take the pan out of the fire and survey the damage. The
bleeding slugs are badly burnt outside but the insides dont look cooked.I
toss them into the bin thinking that I am better of paying for more
sausages than going to hosi with food poisoning.
I still have four sausages (I assume they are sausages, the pack says
bangers) and I am determined to have some of them. The microwave must be
able to do it. I remember the manual of the microwave back at home had
instructions on how to cook sausages. So I take one (for test purposes)
and throw it in the microwave. I start with the first level, my concern
is that the damn thing will burst so I want to take it slowly. It
survives the first level but is not cooked. Feeling braver I toss it back
in and put the dial at level 2. It swells, suddenly the oven gets steamy
so I cannot see inside, I panic and turn off the microwave. I take it out
and alas it is bigger but not yet cooked. What can a guy do at this stage
but put it back in? So I do the only thing I could and the invetable
happens it bursts. When I take it out it has shrunk and is not cooked. I
deduce that it will never get cooked and if it does I wont eat so it
joins its siblings in the bin. I take out some ham, and tomatoes (which
are raw even though they are a bright red) from the fridge and make a
nice sandwitch. I sit with the door open in an attempt to clear some of
the smoke and enjoy the sandwitch wondering how the hell a guy can cook
sausages without makaa.
Today, morning I take eggs I bought on Wednesday out of the fridge and on
breaking two of them they had already gone bad.
I need my mummy.
ajamaa: hahahaa pole about the hussle of being in a foreign country. I cannot how many times i have found myself lost on the highway on the way to the next state having missed my exit 40 mins ago. Unlike back home, there ain't no roundabouts here or medians so that you can make an illegal u-turn. Nope! I am somewhere on a bridge with the next sign saying: Welcome to Connecticut. WTH? I was going to upstate New York!!
Urgh! there was nothing as disgusting and violating as when you are in a packed mathree and there's this really sweaty guy who is breathing his toxic breath on the back of my neck. I'm keep trying to inch forward and he keeps following me and wait... is he sort of grinding on my ass when we hit those potholes?!!
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