Carrying a heavy heart

My mood has always been an integral factor in determining if,when and how I do things. I like doing things when I want to do them and doing something I feel I'm not ready to do, or don't particularly want to do is difficult. Ok. I must confess that women have a way of making me going against the aforementioned principles. That's a story for another post ... and lots of therapy.

So. I've been thinking about leaving my current employer and have noticed that even the slightest things not going right pushes me towards this edge. I snap at workmates, and when I'm not snapping away, I'm snarling in anticipation of some untoward comment. Taking out my frustrations on innocent bystanders.

Anyway. I had another one of those days yesterday. Do something that doesn't quite work smoothly. The usual questions follow - "Why is it doing this?". "What is this?". I'm dejected and the problem is not very straight forward to solve. Issues with windows installer. I don't know how to make these setups that well anyway, but noooo. There's no time to find out. We must have a setup by the end of the day. It always amazes me how people are unwilling to wait to get a solution. They just want it now. The phrase 'Dirty fix' comes to mind. I guess running a business has its own realities.

Later that evening, quasi-solutions come up and that's good enough. I ended up idling on the net kidogo, looking for sample resignation letters. I-resign.com gave me some solace. The net has absolutely everything and anything one can think of. Who runs such a URL? Once more, I decided to quit sooner rather than later.

I'll be spending the weekend mulling over this desicion once again, and possibly drafting my resignation letter. [I've printed like 20 samples]. I love my job. I get to write code, come to work in jeans, work and walk around the office bare foot, start work at 0900 [meaning I can sleep until 0730] and I earn higher than minimum wage. This is the perfect job! That's why this issue has been haunting me so, and the indesicion has been so profound. I've been told that if I quit without having another job first I'll be depressed and get disappointed. Perhaps. I don't know. I just don't know. As at this moment, I'm thinking of handing in my resignation letter first thing Monday morning, effective the end of the year. Let's see how I'll be feeling on Monday.