Wednesday, January 17, 2007


When I met her I was so high I could smell the clouds. I am at my very best when I am high,
when I string random words together in way of talking.
I pulled the patented Kamikaze move. Retrieve phone. Hand it to her.
"Are you giving me your phone?"
No, put your phone number in.

A few nasty ladies put fake numbers. This was one was as real as the air I was breathing therefore she put in some digits and told me that I could go ahead and test. Right on!

A few movie dates and drink ups and my hands were beginning to travel to hitherto unknown and unmapped places. On one sober date she uttered the words:
Don't torture yourself, it will be a very long while before you get any.
Why? I asked in a half-joking, half-serious tone. Actually I was dead serious. So then I get this lecture about how guys hit it and run..
"But you are not like that, are you?"
"Me? No no no..."

Here I was stuck with a girl who ascribed to girls-only-boarding school standard seven ethos: If its a boy he is satan. Don't give him anything, don't look at him, don't smile and if he has been run over by a car and he is still alive and kicking spit at him. But I am more civilized than most
people have been led to believe. So I stayed, still went on dates.

She was fun but the dates lacked color and my usual gutter humor took leave. I was broadcasting on all protocols and listening on all ports. About 20 days later sh88 hit the f8g fan! She just stood from behind the table and said:
Lets go home.

Whoa! Long time huh?

About 1.5 months later and just about 5 runs, she says she does not want me to walk around her house in boots. The timing is always perfect so that you always feel hairs standing on end and your mouth goes dry. Scary. Scary. I uh-uh-uh absent-mindedly but I was anything but.

The way I saw it there were two options. Not options, more like eventualities, (I have pessimistic tendencies).
Her home could turn into a bakery and if you know one habitable bakery please let me know. In any case you get stuck with the bread for life...not that I don't want bread, its not breakfast time yet. Its still very dark and I love shadows....or
they put me in a box after a short while and ferry me to shags.

6th run and the proceedings had the makings of an international diplomatic row. Pills were mentioned and I asked in jest how Hedex was supposed to help. She was not in a joking mood though and almost took my head off. Conversation went like:
What's up?
Remove shoes.
Long silence____
What's up?
Remove shoes.
I got a long lecture about trust.
The planned 7th run ended in disaster. No run. Rain. Wrath.

Have since stopped broadcasting and shut down all the ports.


Anonymous Betty said...

lol 20 dys later? weeell-that is long! okay me i've what was wrong with that move? si she semad no boots on..and there were pills in the air? lol okay,someone explain!! to re-read this..

Friday, January 19, 2007 2:50:00 PM  
Blogger 0.5 said...

A chic saying she has pills is similar to a jamaa who says he will do the coitus interruptus thing. Its lies.

The old recklessness might just be your undoing and she forgets to take the damned things and then s8t happens.

With some women (many actually) wanting to be single but raise kids, you never know when a trap is being sprung and voila! you become an unwanted dad with no access to the kid and you were not even consulted.

20 days? That is not long. Whats the average?

Friday, January 19, 2007 4:37:00 PM  
Blogger Princess said...

In this day and age pregnancy is not the only issue to be concerned about!! You need to protect yourself!!

Saturday, January 20, 2007 2:41:00 AM  
Blogger Holy Cow said...

You funny, listening on all ports. You sure are an IT geek.
As for "boots" saga thats beyond me

Tuesday, January 23, 2007 5:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Betty said...

okay i've gatch..and yes, Princess i agree, theres alot more shit to protect ourselves from.

0.5-uhm..when i said 20days is long i was being sarcastic-si that mama said you wouldn't get any soon alafu 20days later she gave up.i don't think there's an average..Princess whats ure say?

Tuesday, January 23, 2007 6:57:00 PM  

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