Introverted

weekend laundry

2012-01-28T13:23:00.003+03:00

its sabbath, officially starts jana evening till today evening. Had thought it would be a perfect day to get laundry done since i was not at work. it was mentioned that there was a washing machine in the basement of the block so today i put a few things in a bag and made my way to the basement. Now turns out the usual enterance i use to the block is not the same to the basement, looked all i could but couldnt find it. Being sabbath no one was in sight, knocked on my neighbours doors to ask for directions but no one was home. Coz of luggage weight limitations, i had carried enough clad for 10 days and i needed some clean coz kesho is a work day. I dont have a bucket, i dont have any container that can hold water bigger than the bowl i take tea in- the cups r too small to take tea in. had to invent, tried to fill up the trash container in my room with water but had a gapping hole. my handwash basin in the loo was the only option, but was tiny like a sufuria. could only take one shirt or 2 vests at a time. It occurred to me i've not seen cloth lines anywhere! i guess the laundry machine has a drier option so no need for pegs and a cloth lines. I only have 2 hangers, i never see those things in their supermarkets, they dont even have crockery and cutlery in their supermarkets, nakumatt has really spoiled me with their everything under one roof concept. Anyway i hanged one shirt on the shower curtain railing and that little weight broke the railing! so i now need to get a shower curtain railing. Ended up hanging the shirts and vests at the window but they are pouring all the water inside the room. What to do? Remembered i had not done laundry myself in many years! Gosh i miss the cleaning lady.

Forget history,

2012-01-26T22:56:00.002+03:00

Hedonists paradise...thats Tel aviv for you. Didnt believe it. Thought this is where so called abrahamic religions read Judaism, islam, christianity (who names anything abrahamic) began, the land where prophets and the King himself stepped on, the promised land (not pussy) or canaan etc. so many adjectives have been used to describe how holy and hallowed this place is. so i thought. Was shown a lesbian's club that is now they gay community's melting point...gave it a wide berth. this is the town where all young people want to be coz of the booze, sex, drugs, sex, clubs, sex and sex. Some guy i know is doing some married woman. Apparently thats common. Its another westlands. very liberal.
Was told of this christian miro pilgrim who came to israel to reconnect with the holy/promised land. He landed at airport and immediately knelt and kissed the ground, Guys were staring at that spectacle of an african. In 2 days time he wanted to leave this place and head home calling it a sham! The same day he roamed the streets in the evening to find skimpily dressed women, some couples making out, drugged out punks and just generrally 'unholy' behaviour everywhere. Only about 10% of the population is very religious, the rest are like you or worse.
Was introduced to some christian arabs..they exist. The church in their neighbour hood conducts the service in arabic, there hymn books are in arabic. confusing? i always assumed arabic is same as islam and cant mix with christianity. Cant have an easter procession with placards having jesus's potrait with arabic writing.
There are chicks who are still facinated by a black dudes tool, wont be the one to disappoint them, but where the hell do i buy rubber?

Emmanuel church

2012-01-20T13:11:00.002+03:00

This church, i dont know if it exists, was on mamlaka road somewherebetween mamlaka halls and ufungamano building back in the day. Was a great excuse to take the long winding route to mamlaka dining area on a lazy sunday evening for supper when staying in hall 10/3/1/2. Sole reason being that the church service at this sanctuary of beautiful women ended at about 6pm. It was like a breath of fresh air, rain falling at the kalahari or getting to pee when your full bladder was just about to burst. This was a peculiar church, had amharic speakers only! How could one grouping of people be so f*king blessed to have more than 95% of the women being finger licking hot? That long walk was a little price to pay for the eye feast.
Fast forward to 2012. So many of these sisters on this foreign land, and whats more shocking is that people here look down on them! Unbelievable! here i am getting my hourly fix of visual satisfaction but the next jungu/arab punk is almost irritated by their presence.
Never got round to asking our kenyan chicks if they had any ethiopian heart throbs or pin ups of them. The typical guy has the dominant Haile Gabreselase look, but guess they must be admired for their stamina

refugee

2012-01-19T19:48:00.002+03:00

My 1st time out of the 'motherland'. Interesting!
The plane left on time at JKIA. but not before some light-hearted
drama- a bunch of kiuk women were going to saudi arabia to be mboches
or dance or i dont know what. they behaved and talked like seasoned
hustlers at the bottom of the food chain. saying the way the cash they
are expecting had better be more than what they'd get for 'kwedia
itina'-sell ass.

Flight was enjoyable, watched a movie, slept, dreamt and ate breakfast
and a snak break. this airline actually have classy service! Its
such a dry uninhabitable land seen from the air, could not see any
tree at all, desert mbaya. arrived to a beautiful airport, shocking to
see white/arab/caucasian cleaners and porters! i almost started
cleaning up thinking they are my boss..service at the
aesthetically-gifted airport was superb! only disappointment was that
my connecting flight was at 4.15pm and it was 7.30am jordanian time.
but being the classy airline they were, we were taken to some highend
hotel just outside the airport to spend the rest of the day. was
surprised to have the sun out but its cold! had never experienced that
before ati the sun could be bright, clear sky but its cold.. all
locals had jackets on. saw a cop in some BC regalia, had a hat like
the one worn by PC's and having a shinny spear head at the centre
jutting out to the sky. too bad the camera was not at arms length.
like 99% of cars i saw we either nissans or hyundais. they come in all
sizes (kama manyake) small ones like vitz to SUV's!
The town has many trees and a few grass lawns but coz of irrigation.
each and every tree i saw had an irrigation drip line. guess no way
anything can grow.Was surprising to see white skinned guys doing the
garden, painting, cleaning the floor, mixing concrete etc, and i guess
they were xtra shocked to see a miro being chauffered to a 5 or
whatever star that hotel was. the hotel had a bidet, guess no one uses
tissue...
at 2 we were driven back to the airport, kumbe evening is their rush
hour! we had long queues for the security checks, but those guys are
so bloody efficient that they start telling you to remove belts coins,
implants etc way before the body scanner and a full body patting.
within no time the screening was finished with all the politeness that
one can ever receive. the departure lounge had about 400 people and
there was only one other black dude. many people actually stare at
you!

eating at the airport is a big ripoff, costs an arm and both legs.
arrival at tel aviv was uneventful, the plane actually makes a turn at
the mediterranean sea and comes to land, beautiful! the famed israel
security presence was there to be seen but polite. they have a
beautiful big airport. a corridor is like 20m wide, they had like 3
motorised golf carts for carrying the old pitanaing and still leaving
plenty of space for guys walking. at one length of the corridor they
have a convey belt running on all corridors to make traffic move
faster, if you have baggage and dont feel like wheeling it you just
step on it like an elevator and it will get you at the other end of
the corridor, so if you walk on the 'belt' you move faster than any
person walking on the kawa floor! that was interesting. they have an
organised taxi, bus shuttle and train service. the authorised taxis
have a fee schedule thats in the car showing howmuch to what part of
the city/country so no bargaining or being ripped off. Every where its
hebrew but there are a few signs in english and many young people can
understand english. If nancy baraza were here she'd have shot so many
security guards! every building has minimum 2 securty people. Every
one, even the CJ gets checked! you pass through that scanner and if
they have doubts they use that wand, and its not the lazy perfunctory
show our kenyan guards do but a thourough front to back, torso to feet
check. All hand bags or carry on bags are checked! there are no
sensitivities when it comes to security, there are no women guards,
i'm yet to see any. Men fungua and chokora those bags like a
non-sense. security is managed by the military and they are all armed
and dont take bullshit.

its cold! max temp of 16 with minimum of 8, my balls are retracting to
the abdomen!
was given a cosy selfcontained hostel within jobo, the loo has a big
notice written 'dont dispose off intimacy products into the toilet'
but aren't these guys organised! everything is done properly, from the
doors, tables, cabinets, floors, toilets, sinks, sockets, lights etc
look like they are good quality and this is a government facility! I'm
not saying they are perfect but they have quality and standards
written all over. to enter the hostel complex you have to input some
code at the door or else the door wont open.

every room i've been to has a smoke detector and water sprinkler,
cannot be allowed to build without that, every tree i've seen has an
irrigation drip line running around it. another astonishing thing is
that secretaries and customer care guys actually solve a problem
unlike our fellows who either keepyou on hold/ waiting then tell you
to try later. i've been to 4 different offices and even when i went to
the wrong one the one i find actually leaves their work place and
physically takes me to the right place. if they cannot sort out your
issue they get you someone who will! guess they have been perfecting
it for centuries coz they have been advanced for many years e.g
abraham could still get it up at 300 yrs old (when isaac was born)
they had space travel (some guy in the bible didnt die but went to
space/heaven) discovered secret to prolonging life (methuselah lived
past 900), had genetic warfare (moses unleashed a weapon that killed
boys only) had cloning (jesus made alot of food from some fish and
bread), had a distillery (turning water to wine) yet 100 yrs ago in
kenya most places had never heard of reading, writing, wearing
clothes, condoms, electricity etc.

thurs is fri and sunday is monday, hope i didnt lose you, the week
ends on thurs which like fri and starts on sunday which is like
monday. so weekend has officially started. from my one day experience
its a wonder how come we have two rainy seasons a year with some
fertile areas that dont need drip irrigation yet millions lack food,
we have a small congested airport yet say our core business is attract
tourists and act as a regional connecting (gateway to africa) hub, we
have had somalia at war and every one knew from kitambo that the guns
thugs use to terrorise us came from there yet no serious attempt was
made to stop that, every one is getting an MBA yet at work customer
service remains a buzz word with actually no meaning at the work
place, we have accepted exhorbitant and crap workmanship yet we are a
poor country,

Changing everything

2012-01-01T17:15:00.000+03:00

It's been a long time coming. Long overdue.

Brilliant.

2011-12-21T08:24:00.002+03:00

Got into a mat today and found myself literally surrounded by beautiful women.

Such vim

2011-11-25T10:36:00.002+03:00

Such fire, such enthusiasm.

That was years ago. June 2005 we started this blog. We were younger, more clueless than we are now.

Not saying we really have much of a clue now, not on most things anyway. On some things, we have gotten a few clues. Like what you ask? Not a clue. But I can try and think of some things.

You'll never win. This has been surmised for a ton of situations but I think I will stick to the one closest to heart for most of us. You will never win against your girlfriend/wife/fiance. That last part (gf/wife/fiance) is how much things have changed in over five years.

Back then I wouldn't be caught dead saying I have a girlfriend. Fiance was some foreign word I hadn't encountered yet. Wife was something that other people had when they decided life wasn't worth living anymore. That last sentence is probably still true.

Now? Well, I guess I'll just have to come out and say it. Kamikaze got caught. Ages ago. In a nutshell, got kids, a wife (come we stay I guess, nuptials at a later date being schemed on by the said wife - guys never really plan that stuff. You get bullied into it.), bills, house-help, loans... What is left? I don't know.

And I ain't the only one. Sorry guys, gonna have to out you. One resident doc had us dreaming of flatulence from excessive eating of R.S.V.P and an evening party afterwards only to have that dream taken away for reasons we don't know yet and will never forgive him for anyways. Another resident doc, the clueless bastard, has gone as far as proposing, bought a ring and all. What can I say? Might as well take the plunge eh? All the best. Except you don't know what you are getting into. None of us do. None of us ever will. They (women) have had us sown up since day one. Pawns really, we are. aJamaa is still in denial. He says there are no plans. Well, like I said, you haven't got a clue.

The other lot? Matejivu and Mwambao have actually tied the knot. All the best to you guys. Come to think of it, this knot people speak of, is it akin to the hangman's noose knot? Tie the knot, stick your head in and take the plunge. Apt.

0.5? Not a peep. Resolute in his ways apparently. But it will all come tumbling down some day my good man. All the best to you too.

Sam? Hahaha. Nothing to say. Absolutely nothing.

So, here we are. After over 5 years. Actually 6 years. Time really does fly. 5 years from now? Will the introverted blog still be up? How many kids for the clueless resident doc? (the one who bailed out might as well be the one in the know). Will 0.5 have been subdued? Will aJamaa have just given up? What will Sam be doing? Will the one who got away (yes, you doc) have been apprehended?

All this and more to come later.

Signed,
A suicidal "husband", proud father, mass murdering tenant, listless guy and happy drinker.

P.S.
This post was written while in a state of utter and massive boredom, with one eye at a bleak friday night, more screaming (the babies), nagging wife (my fault I guess - they say you should pay more attention. If you don't, they will find ways to get the attention.) and generally nothing to watch on tv.

Happier posting later.

KRA online

2011-07-01T08:22:00.000+03:00

So it's that time of the year again. Time to declare my [non-]income. Pass by times tower but there's no tent outside there, and no signs that there will be one. Shucks. I consider joining the queue of people being frisked before going into the buildings, but I'm stopped in my tracks by the fear of indeterminate queues. Which leaves me with one option. KRA online. Oh boy.

Now, the things I've heard about fulfilling my tax obligations online weren't that encouraging but it was either this or be banded in the same category as politicians. So I plucked up the courage to open up a browser and go to the site. Downloaded a couple of pdfs to tell me what I'll need to do. So far so good. Go to the login page. Nice link there inviting newbies like myself. Click on that. Brilliant.

But before anyone could say "Danger, Will Robinson!", I find myself being asked about my mother's names. This seems a bit fishy. Why are they asking me such questions. But there's nothing else to do so I provide my mum's first name and click on the button. What I see next is a stacktrace. Wonderful. My mum has a pretty ordinary name. No unicode characters or anything so why would it cause an error. I take a cursory look at the exception details and see that the problem is in some authentication filter class. I think that's what it was. Still don't understand why the error. Scroll down a bit more. Ah! They're using jboss. OK. Enough of that.

I go back to try again. This time I use my mum's last name. Click the button. It turns out, this time, that they don't know me. I'm invalid. I don't exist. And there's nothing there that I can click on to say "Help!". I panic for a moment. Is my mother really my mother? I was expecting this exercise to give me some problems but certainly didn't envision it exacerbating my existential crisis.

Third time lucky perhaps so I go back and try the first name again. [I refuse to give the middle name] This time, the page loads nicely with a bunch of fields ready to be filled. Joy! Short-lived joy. My birthday is listed as July 1. Which would be really nice if it were true. Give me a reason to get out and about. Moving on. My mother's last name is not my mother's last name. No wonder. Where did they get this info. I fill in the required fields and submit.

Their email sending code doesn't seem to have problems cause I get one with my password and this security code thing. I fire up the login page and try the details I see there. Their response is that I don't know what I'm doing and should check if I have CAPS LOCK on. I can't help but feel a bit insulted. I'm a power user! CAPS LOCK ni wewe. Try again a couple of times but the result is the same. I give up. I hear that things work better late at night. Doesn't sound so farfetched now. As aJamaa says, sometimes code needs time to iva.

A couple of days go by and I decide to give it another try. I'd heard in this intervening period that the forgot password option works like magic. I laughed so hard as this guy narrated how each time he needs to access the site he uses the forgot password option. Each and every time. I wasn't laughing now. Or, more accurately, I was silently laughing at myself. Chuckle, chuckle. I try the new password they've sent me. Nothing. Desperation is now kicking in. Deadline day is near. Perhaps the problem is firefox. For the longest time I couldn't use firefox 3.6 to access the orange internet portal to buy internet bundles. Open up IE, and go through the motions, with the same predictable results. Maybe it's this security code thing. Perhaps l is actually 1. So I click on forgot password once again. Get another nice email. This time I open the jpeg attachment instead of relying on the preview yahoo is showing me. It turns out that the preview wasn't showing the whole picture. Literally. Now I really feel silly. So much for being a power user. I try the login again, this time confident that I'm using the absolute correct details. It turns out not. What now. I can see that when I click on the login button some stuff is being added to the password field. Maybe that's the problem. What is this that these guys are appending, and why are they appending it.

Since online is not working that well for me, I'll have to try some offline options. Call up the call center number. Wait a while and finally get to talk to a human. It's always a huge relief when you call a customer care number and get to talk to a human before getting frustrated by the constant you'll-be-served-shortly type prompts and hanging up. After explaining my problem to the lovely lady on the other end, she suggests that I should use the forgot password link. I really don't know why I still bother calling customer care numbers. I almost never get any helpful answers. There was this one lady at the KPLC pre-paid desk who sorted me out. Wrote her name down somewhere here. Anyway. Big-up yourself.

What to do now. Download the income tax form, print, fill and submit? Don't see as I have a choice. Did my civic duty. See you next year? Now that I'd finished that for this year, I started thinking that I should try this login thing again. After all, I'll be in the same situation next year. Maybe my account had been locked out after so many invalid login attempts. This time there's no deadline pressure. And would you know it... Yes. The forgot password link sent me an email, like it had 5 times before. Entered the details like before, and this time they were accepted. Perhaps they know that I've already submitted a manual return so I don't really need the login now. Nah. Probably just one of those things.

Vundumuna

2011-06-19T22:38:00.000+03:00

The mind surely works in strange and mysterious ways. I was just walking about the house today when this word comes to mind. How now? Perhaps it has something to do with Kamikaze mentioning Remmy Ongala on Friday night. But still.

Sam The Nerd

2011-06-19T22:34:00.000+03:00

I was talking to this chic I met not so long ago. Not sure what the conversation was about but she happened to mention that I looked like a nerd. I didn't think it showed that much, but it wasn't that surprising either. What was more interesting however was that she seemed apologetic about her statement. Seemed to think she'd said something unkind or offensive or something. What she didn't know, and I exercised great restraint not to let out, was the fact that the most exciting thing I've done recently is to integrate an OLAP library into a web application and use it to view a pivot table with data coming from a SQL Server Analysis Services cube. In other words, I would have a free pass to most any nerd club. Long, long ago I used to feel a bit squirmy about my shortcomings as far as social skills are concerned, but now, I just smile and move on. I am what I am.

Girlfriend 1.0 (pre-alpha)

2011-06-11T09:17:00.000+03:00

I was at a bash once when a chic made a statement to the effect that if a guy over thirty didn't have a girlfriend, there was something wrong with him. She would be suspicious or something. As much as I really wanted to say something in reply, I couldn't. I have plenty wrong with me.

That aside, I've mentioned how everywhere around me people are going the family way. Some are starting with wives while others have started with kids, but the end result is the same. At this rate I'll need to join a support group for the few of us free electrons left. I've also started to understand what I always heard about people getting married because their friends were doing the same. All of a sudden you start thinking, if everyone is doing it, perhaps it isn't that bad after all. Perhaps it's a "normal" thing to do. That barrier of fear starts slowly coming down. Which makes me think that I could perhaps actually have a girlfriend.

I'm reminded of the last interview I attended. The thing was going badly. I couldn't answer even one question satisfactorily. Then the interviewer, tired and frustrated, asks, out of the blue. "Have you ever had a girlfriend?" When I reply in the negative, calmly and straight-facedly, I'm met with a look of utter bewilderment. He had the statement lined up, ready to come out of the mouth, but was stopped in his tracks. Seeing that made the ordeal that was that interview worth it. This is the one interview during which I knew, and the interviewers knew, that there would be no call back. It's actually after this that I figured that I may not be employable anymore. The way he put it, he'd rather have a guy who doesn't have all the skills than a guy whose personality is suspect. Which is understandable. The only comfort I had to take away with me is that I have once been employee of the year. So.

If I think about it, only one chic has ever asked that we officially get coupled. But the word boyfriend fills me with all manner of dread so that was the end of that. The only other time I've come close to being defined as a significant other was in first year. The chic with whom I patented what became known as the "1-2 di-methyl shift". I'm not sure how we met actually. I believe I tagged along with some guys to box one day and some time after that word came to me that some chic was asking about me. My response was a vybz kartel. "O-ooo". But I asked for her room number and went over to find out what the story was. Apparently she noticed my shoes, and women make all sorts of decisions based on your shoes.

I slowly found myself being associated with her. Wasn't sure what to make of it because having a recessive romance gene makes these things somewhat difficult. Like the song used to go. "You're as cold as ice...". I tried my best though. The weekend before valentine's I took her out for lunch. I' not into stereotypes and confirmity and hype that much so I figured I wasn't going to do anything on the day itself. Told her as much. The place where we had lunch was giving out roses to the ladies that day for some combination or other of meal. I happened to overhear this on the radio and went there specifically for that. We went out, she got a rose. I figured that I had fulfilled my non-boyfriend obligations and that was the end of that.

On valentine's day itself, we were sitting in the room reading. It was around exam time. I got up, put on some clothes and headed to her room. It would do no harm to hang out. When I got there her room was locked and her neighbours weren't sure where she was or when she would be back. I stalked the corridors a bit but then came back to my senses and went back to my room. The way I saw it, I hadn't told her to expect me so I figured she was off doing something or the other. Which was a-okay. Of course when I got back to my room, changed into more casual clothes and picked up some notes to start reading, the guys gave me these strange looks. "She wasn't there", and I continued with things as normal.

At around 10pm, the door bursts open. Everyone looks up to the sight of a fuming female. An all dressed up fuming female. All eyes turn to me and for a brief moment I feel like I'm about to be subjected to mob justice. Apparently she has been waiting all evening for me. I take her outside and calmly explain that nowhere did I say that I would pass by her place. At no point did I utter any words or behave in any manner to imply that I would meet up with her that day. So her expectations and anger towards me were misplaced. But making legal arguments wasn't going to help the situation. The guys, sensing that my bacon was cooked, slowly shuffle out of the room to continue their reading elsewhere.

I try to salvage the situation and suggest that I could put on a jacket and we could head wherever. Her demeanour indicated that that was what was going to have to happen anyway. So we head out, hang out and before long we're back in the room. I reach into the cupboard-wardrobe thing and bring out a box of chocolates. For her. And a card. And jewellery. Shock and awe. I didn't say I would do valentines. I was perfectly happy not to do valentines. But I thought about it and went out that weekend and got a bunch of stuff for her. Hid it away and spent a couple of days in fear that my room-mate would discover the stuff and make fun of me. The sad thing is that from that evening, I wasn't anywhere near as keen on this particular chic and that is where the story of my near-girlfriend ended.

What's changing now, partly because of everyone getting into rather serious commitments, is that I'm more open to the idea. I may never get to girlfriend 1.0, but I'm in pre-alpha.

to do list

2011-05-31T17:27:00.002+03:00

when they asked me to take leave, i came up with like a list of things to do. Spread over a whole month. Well thought and best effort for years.

I went to town today. finished all of them by noon. they dont actually do that anymore. That one you will wait for 2 weeks. For those car parts, we will call you when they are here. who told you to own an non- toyota. Zile half cuts zimebaki engine peke yake.

bumming it is. The new plan. Did i need any? let it be

Married bliss

2011-05-30T22:51:00.000+03:00

I was having a talk with a sales executive the other day. One of the rare occassions where I was actually interested in buying the product on offer. So she's there telling me about the wonderful features of this particular product and I'm there trying to get all manner of thoughts out of my head. She had an attractive body, what can I say. At some point, as she's gesturing back and forth, I get a glimpse of her wedding finger, and a nice specimen of a wedding band. I tend to be a bit paranoid when talking to married women. Thoughts of hitmen waiting for me round the corner, or being struck by lightning inexplicably come to mind. Not that I would do anything anyway. I'm a spent force when it comes to chatting up women.

All the same, it would be nice to have some rules of engagement. A little green book like the one Gaddafi was reading from during one of those crazy tirades. If x, then y. Am I allowed to ask for her number. Which I don't do anymore anyway. Can we have juice after this. Which I don't have the guts to do. The more general question is where the line is. And if I'm sitting here thinking all these things, there are certainly guys who have done better than just pose hypothetical questions to themselves. What does she do with those guys. And the husband, poor guy. What goes on in his head.

Everywhere I turn, people are getting married. Or making plans to get married. Which is a good thing. Until people don't get along anymore then kids have to grapple with concepts like why daddy lives somewhere else. I saw one of those signs by wagangas that had as it's first cure "shida za boma". Not cancer, diabetes or the promise of big bums. There must be a lot of demand for this cure in particular. There's one guy I was in school with who swore that if he were to get reincarnated, he would not marry. This with his wife of one year sitting 10 meters away. I didn't ask for details but I figured he was an outlier. Not the norm in any way.

I've always thought that being hitched should be like living with your siblings. I keep saying as much even though I've been assured that it isn't and can't be. I still don't get why not. Perhaps my lack of a romantic bone, or gene or both prevents me from getting it. Perhaps if I met someone with similar deficiencies we could make a go at this marriage thing. Become friends with benefits. Imagine that.

Apocalypto

2011-05-30T19:43:00.000+03:00

I happened to be one of the few people who wasn't aware that the world was due to come to an end. Until, after the event. Or non-event. There was an article, the day Microsoft bought Skype, where the writer exclaimed that unless you had been "in a cave, on Mars, with your fingers in your ears humming loudly", you'd have heard that news. I happened not to be in that cave, but have been wondering how to describe the cave I live in, where the end of the world itself would come and go without my knowing.

Even after I saw some news items about the subject, I couldn't figure out why this was news, or otherwise worthy of so much attention. This isn't the first guy to set a date on the end of everything. When I was much younger, there was something about Jesus being in Kawangware. Where was twitter when you needed it. I thought the appropriate reaction for a guy claiming that parapanda italia on such an such a date was a rolling of the eyes, and nothing more. I happen to believe parapanda italia. After all, I sang it regurarly. Parapanda italia, parapanda... I wonder if churches sing such [terrifying] songs these days. Ama bahasha ya ocampo is as close as it gets. Looking around, things don't seem too rosy for the planet and our general existence. Although people will point to times in history when things were really thick. Somehow, I think what's ahead isn't too pleasant. What I'm not brave or foolish enough to do is some fuzzy math to come up with judgement day.

The pound is against the yen

2011-05-30T18:58:00.000+03:00

Once upon a time, before prices were blamed on crude oil, there was this guy who had a more concrete reason for his economic state. The pound was against the yen, he said. My memory is a bit of a blur but I believe he had had a few beers before making this proclamation. Or maybe there was no guy at all and all this memory is is a bunch of residual neural activity conjuring up pseudo-memories.

Back to the present. So I'm enquiring about the price of some items and the guy behind the counter exclaims that the price has gone up. Everybody knows prices have gone up, I think to myself, but the expression on his face doesn't seem remotely connected to NOCK, refineries or pipelines. And the way he made sure to say it even before he checked the actual price made me rather concerned. Like he was putting out those caveat emptor things. Kisa na maana? "The swiss franc has really strengthened recently". Shock on me. My disbelief was tempered ever so slightly because I'd seen a news item about the said same thing. I certainly didn't think stuff going on in switzerland would affect an ordinary guy halfway across the world. Apart, of course, from the monstrosity that is FIFA.

All in all, I got a reminder today that if I'm being charged an extra 10 bob in the mat, it may very well be because the pound is against the yen. Or the strength of the swiss franc.

Semi-retirement

2011-05-30T18:24:00.000+03:00

When I saw that the pointie was retiring, I was in shock. In disbelief, disturbed, in a panic, and so on and so forth. How could it be. But looking at it again, I myself have been in de facto retirement for a while now. Mostly because there's nothing remotely interesting going on with me, so the only thing left to put up would be a bunch of philosophical stuff. That or the joys of writing java code in notepad. Yeah.

I also figured people had moved on from blogs to those social network thingys. This one chic burst out laughing when I mentioned that I use yahoo mail. Hysterical, live-comedy-show laughter. I didn't know what to do with facebook then, and I still don't now. But I got a bit stirred up the other day though when I realised some people are starting blogs now. Got me thinking that if a guy can start a blog at a ripe old age, the least I can do is do a post or two in my semi-retirement.

Became that guy

2011-05-25T19:48:00.002+03:00

When I was a wee little laddie back in high school I was constantly amazed by those guys who seemed to put too much effort. I am talking of those guys who would go to great lengths to get time to study. They would wake up before 6am, sacrifice part of their lunch time, 4 to 6pm break and sleep late at night. I prided myself in being efficient and believed that if I got enough rest, spent time playing sports before 4 to 6 pm and got a good nights sleep I would be a better student. I never got the best grades, but I was convinced that spending more time on school work would not yield better results. So all was well in my world.

In campus while I adopted the same approach, I found other guys who would go to the lib most days of the week and spend weekends studying. When I did go to the lib to study for accounting exams I was surprised by the lengths to which that kind of guy would go to ensure they could get as much study time in. Some of those kind of guy went as far as tithering sits with a chain to guarantee themselves a sitting place. I still remember Sam telling me in first year that class notes will be read twice in a semester once before a CAT and again before the final exam. Again, i did not get the best of grades but I got by and all was well in my world.

I have been working for the same organisation for eight years. I was pretty good at managing my time in the first four years. Circumstances forced me to be in the office no earlier than 7.30 and no later than 6.30. Running after matatus in the dark was not desirable. I even had enough time to take up a part time teaching job.

Unfortunately, somewhere a long the way things changed and I became that guy. Its now common for me to be in the office at 6.30am and leave at 9pm (this has been my routine all the days of this week). I started carrying packed lunch because I could not stand going out for lunch anymore. Initially I would flip through the newspaper as I had lunch at my desk. Now at lunch time I have one hand on a sandwitch and the other on the key board. My key board has sticky keys from stuff I have poured on it. A few months ago, I stood at the office window looking out at the empty parking at around 6.30 am and it struck me that by the time I left in the night the parking would again be empty.

All is not well in my world. I am working too long and getting very little done. I am scheduled to have an end year review with my boss in a week or so. I will have to explain what I have done with myself this year. I have not achieved any of the objectives we agreed at the beginning of the year. Even worse my performance this year is worse than last year. Unfortunately, I can tell her, 'but you always find me here and leave me here, surely I must have been doing something'. I have become that guy who puts in a lot of effort and get very little done and I don't like it.

End Of File.

2011-05-16T00:36:00.002+03:00

Retired.

We shall meet on the real plane. Peace out.

0.5

King Leopold's Ghost

2011-04-24T17:04:00.003+03:00

Just finished reading King Leopold's Ghost. It took me around 3 months to read it. I don't get enough time to read any more. Not sure if I am too busy or just lazy. Watched a documentary based on the book around a year ago so when I was at Nakumatt looking for something to read and ran into it I was happy to get it.

The book describes the brazen exploitation of a country by an individual. There is nothing new in the story around the exploitation and cruel treatment of the African by the European. What I found interesting and new is how the level of detail the book goes into describing the process through which British, German and American people went into decrying the atrocities committed by Leopold in DRC. Severally, the writer laments the lack of African voices telling their own story. How the decades of tyrany and exploitation affected them, their thoughts and views on the evils done to them. Its also interesting how Europeans justified their exploitation of Africa by cloaking it as a mission to end slave trade (which of course they started and only ended when the dependence on human labour reduced during the industrial revolution), a noble effort to spread christianity lest islam take over the continent and civilise natives.

Most men are most comfortable doing what they believe is right. So even the most evil and unjust actions can be justified. No one believes they are doing the wrong thing. The human mind can convince itself of anything including how doing wrong is actually right. A conman will justify his actions by blaming the greed and stupidity of his victim. A rapist will blame his victims provocative dressing. The Europeans justified use of force labour by claiming African are inherently lazy and like little children with limited intellect will only work when they are forced. Leopold used forced labour to build his colony. Apparently, soldiers would raid villages and hold women and children hostage until the men delivered their quota of rubber. A white man could kill a black for sport. Soldiers were required to severe the right hand of their victims to provide evidence of their kills.

The British were appalled by the extremes and barbarism of Leopolds approach to running a colony. They adopted a more subtle approach. Instead of forced labour they forcefully seized land and levied taxes which forced people to take employment for low wages. The British government took great exception to the brutality of Leopold's regime and yet a few decades later they carried out similar atrocities in Kenya when the country was in a state of emergency. I read the British Gulag a few years back. Its appaling that the British government has never apologised for its actions during the time. Some of the people who committed these crimes are still alive possibly living around here. The media has been reporting the story of former Mau Mau fighters who are suing the British govt. According to the press the British govt does not deny the crimes occurred they argue that liability for such crimes passed to the Kenya Government after independence. That argument may have a bearing in law but it is totally unreasonable.

Compared to North America, South America and Australia, Africa got off easy. Africa is still inhabited by its indigenous peoples. The European completely obliterated the indeginous populations of these other continents. Injustices committed 50 to 100 years ago remain unresolved. We still have individuals and corporations e.g. Kakuzi that own huge tracks of land across the country that they were given by the Crown of England. They continue to exploit these resources to date under the protection of the law. After independence the the likes of Kenyatta went ahead and allocated themselves huge tracks of land. As a result its not in government's interest to demand justice or reparations from the British since if you demand that white folk return land they seized forcefully you open a can of worms that would put Kenyatta, Kibaki, Moi and other land owners at risk.

I now need to go to Nakumatt and find something else to read.

Just silly

2011-04-11T10:31:00.002+03:00

I've figured it out.

This is how you deal with women. Throw all reason out the window. They are children. Small girls that want to be cuddled and lied to. You know how they say boys will always be boys, it is the same with girls!!

There is no reasoning with them. There is no thinking that you will get a reasonable response or attitude from them. Don't do it! Don't think that you can have them understand you.

This is it. You tell them what to do. Get cross with them when they step out of line. Do not entertain too many questions. Sometimes (for some really hard headed ones) the threat of violence should sort things. I do not advocate any such thing, just the threat. Be unreasonable. Get to the house and get pissed at the slightest thing. Straight from the door. Psyche yourself before you check into the house. Before you get in, pump yourself up...remember that punk at the office who pissed you off? Channel that to the fore of your mind, pissed? Now enter the house. Why is this lying on the floor? What are these dishes doing in the sink? Who left this window open? Who said you can listen to Classic FM? Turn that radio off, just wasting electricity here....the list is endless. Anything. Just once in a while, become an unreasonable idiot.

Trust me, being a cool, reasonable, understanding guy is not going to work. I know it.

Silly things

2010-12-22T20:57:00.001+03:00

From time to time, a guy does things that he knows he shouldn't. Much more frequently than he would like actually. I think this one is down to the human condition [rather than old age].

So I'm talking to the receptionist, to get permission to see the boss and whatnot. I offer my commiserations for the fact that she's still working while apparently [some] other people have closed shop. Talked to another guy who's already started the holiday and where the office won't be open again until the 10th. I thought such things only happen when you have blizzards, floods, earthquakes and the like. Anyway. She asks me whether we [my workplace] have closed already. This puts me on the spot somewhat. I'm still not sure whether I'm unemployed, a consultant, or an umeployed consultant. Things should be clearer once I get the epiphany I've been waiting for and get a company name. On this particular occasion, I'm working for myself and I don't close shop.

Enough with the chit chat. I get ushered in to see the guy I came to see and soon enough I'm done. A bit more small talk. It must have been a really slow day cause there was no one else around. As it is the boss comes into the room and all of a sudden the situation feels a bit inappropriate. The boss gives some instructions and heads back to his compartment. By this time I'm halfway to the door. One hand on the door actually.

It's at this point that my mind takes leave and I turn back. Walk to the desk and apparently ask if I can get a card or other form of contact information. Ostensibly so that I can call the place at some point in the future. It goes without saying that I had no such intention. But I wasn't bold enough to say "can I have your number". Not right away anyway. As it is, you can only dither for so long. So I go ahead and ask for her number. I get a look that says "seriously?". It also says "what for?", "can I say no?" and a bunch of other things. As it is, it was too late. The words were out the mouth. My senses returned and immediately reminded me why I shouldn't be typing in a brand new name into my phonebook as I happened to be doing. A couple of smss, if she actually replies. A couple of calls maybe. All in all, a week or two at best and that will be that. Oh well.

You're up.

2010-12-19T05:09:00.001+03:00

Back in the day, a post would almost write itself. Not the case anymore, I guess the fire, if there was one, is gone. So I will chronicle today's events much like a scientist keeping track of the developments of a lab rat:
In the AM - The good doctor, Sam and another fellow had derailed me the previous night, so I was lazy to wake up. I was supposed to be in the meet by 11AM. Not one to refuse beer, I went drinking anyway. The folks are impatient and calling every fifteen minutes. I speed down Thika road, on the lookout for cops. That stretch between Thika and Kenol is pure driving heaven.
In the Boondocks: - Arrived. People want to yell at me but are not quite sure how to go about it. So they shake their heads and business is at hand. Promptly, we are shuffled into a line, and the women start dancing. Its like my graduation all over again. I am pulled from the line and asked to honk. Now I am confused. This is traumatizing.
All my cousins, those above 18 anyway, have children. They were themselves children about 3 years ago when i was back in this place. I look at the setup of the place and wonder where they were having all that sex. There are four buildings, their parents' in one compound. Perhaps in the thickets somewhere. I sit there wondering how a 21 year old fellow, with no job, no education, could possibly have a 'wife' and two children. Who will feed and educate the little bastards? May be thats the problem, I overthink things. Anyway, under the circumstances, I look dated and over the hill, like someone who is waiting for a bus that is not coming. There are puzzling and questioning expressions on faces all over.
The speeches, and long prayers commence. Is there some school where people are taught to speak like this? Obtuse kikuyu idioms and long winded sentences - I think in English, I will never be able to pull this off - and the worst is coming. Me and my bandit brothers, we are pulled in front to say hi to people. I barely manage to say my name before my head goes totally blank - after which I keep quiet. Now, all eyes are on me, I can feel a temper welling up ...luckily my bro has been in situations like this before and mumbles a few things and people laugh. Afraid that we'll embarass the clan by our inability to speak kikuyu without sneaking English, Swahili or Sheng in, we are asked to sit down.
Then I am dragged into an inner chamber, where the last leg of my old lady's dowry business is being carried out. Someone boldly exclaims that the reason this is being done is to 'clear' the way for me. I would much rather someone held a gun to my head and asked me to marry then. More speeches. I am mightily uncomfortable. More winded speeches. Time stands still.

Evening is here and it appears as though things are going to wind up. What a relief. I am angling towards the exit but somehow I keep getting stopped. An uncle manages to corner me and starts an inquisition. It is a lecture/scalding that I am having little patience for.......
"0.5 once you found a job there you never visit" ....the jamaa starts in a sing-songy tone ..."all you do is stay in Nairobi" ...... I am seeing lips moving and musing what would happen if I placed my fist there.
What do you want?
With a lot of effort I barely manage to mask the angry edge out of my voice ....to which I am told of several fundraisers .....aaaaaaaaaahhh,...clever bugger. Or stupid, depending on how you look at it. I have no qualms about giving people money to shut them up. If only he had said it sooner. Alas after the guy palmed the one K, I was given the green light to go. It is a well organized charade, you can't depart unless you are parted with some of your currency.

Goodbyes. Soon I am on the highway. I lost count of the times I was asked 'where my "wife" was'. At one point, I replied to find me half a million bucks and I will bring a wife, and if no one can help, to relax then till I do things my way. More of the same around Christmas time. It is a pointless question many of my single agemates will be fielding in the next two weeks. Bring on the liquor. To forgetting, or enduring, till next year around the same time. Is the alcohol law still in effect? Happy holidays.

New town

2010-11-05T01:56:00.003+03:00

I shouldnt have been there in the first place. Was warned before hand that my standing in society as pertains to age didnt allow it. Its a new town where i was seeking refuge as i looked for a more permanent jobo. What struck me was that this club in a tao thats not nai had so many chicks! possibly chicks out numbered guys 2:1. While thats not unusual as whore houses have even crazier ratios, its the fact that all chicks seemed to be below 23 yrs!And they were not selling. The DJ was a hot hot hot chick! For a moment i wished i was checking out her deck, literally. Met some guy from high school at the same joint and from his enthusiasism, a multitude of young, well dressed (skimpy), full of energy was distraction enough from the liverpool-napoli match that was going on. I must say i was intrigued by the club, every inch resembled any club that campo guys would flock to. I tried to concentrate on the match at hand but wapi, some kenyan song with a chorus that has the words 'get down' ws dramatised to the hilt. A line of like 10 hot hot hoty's grabing a rail and in synchrony all getting down and wiggling it like if a termite had bit into it it would fall off! Amazing!
My afore mentioned pal who has a wife in nai & was travelling back to nai commented ' aki leo nakula na macho lakini kesho niki fika home nitakula na meno' woe unto his wife...
I was having a good time until i went to pee, is it african for me to pee in the same vicinity with guys possibly 13yrs my junior??? I mean am i not like his zaks?? Effects of age even affect where a guy has to pee! I'm inviting over my boys to come sample this sleepy town with excess young chicks.
I had never understood the allure to chicks of such an age bracket but i think i can be convinced otherwise (easily. It made my night that liverpool reversed their troubles by winning 3-1!

Easiest breakup?

2010-10-29T13:37:00.003+03:00

What's yours? This one seems to be the easiest for me. Not in terms of emotional outpouring or lack thereof, just how quick and painless.

Done over chat. I shall paraphrase.

Her: Do you have kids?
Me: Eh?
Her: On facebook, those kids, yours?
Me: Well, that's out of the left field.
Her: What?
Me: Surprising.
Her: So?
Me: Uhuh. Yeah.
Her: You lied to me.
Me: Sorry about that.
Her: I hate you.
Me: I understand.
Her: (lots of ramblings and then silence...then...) I never want to see you again.
Me: (well, nothing).

Top that.

Last Fruit / No Fruit / Fruitless

2010-10-29T13:21:00.003+03:00

Facebook sucks.
Damn privacy settings.
Strawberry found out.
Now all I have is a banana I don't want to eat.

I'm fruitless. My efforts at enjoying strawberry have become fruitless.

Relief? Somehow.
Sad? Yes.

How is it default facebook privacy settings allow people to see your pictures? So when I post pictures of my progeny on it, people looking for me are immediately informed. Thus, removing someone as your friend does not stop them from seeing stuff about you, you have to go and tell facebook, give strict instructions to only let your friends do so.

Bollocks.

Dee, stop laughing. You too 0.5. Sam, I see that shrug. Thanks for understanding. Anyone say it was bound to happen gets punched in the eye.

This life! Lemons and lemonade eh?

Set up

2010-10-19T18:00:00.004+03:00

Of late many tragic stories are splashed all over the place on how a husband/boyfi came across his mama being screwed by some guy and proceeded to either kill him, cut off his hand or give him 'kichapo cha mbwa' kind of beating infront of the paparazzi. Remember the 'makosa imefanyika' dude in Nyeri. My point is that women are setting up guys coz i'm sure they know their kind of man and maybe even how enraged he can get and i'd expect she'd share that with her boy-toy. I mean if a chick tells me her man carries a weapon there's no way i'd touch that. If a mama were to tell a guy that her boyfi goes berserk and sets houses on fire, the guy would grab his dick and run off to somalia! In those media-highlighted stories they never say that the woman suffered any harm, that is convincing enough that these coniving women are setting up men to satisfy their own twisted desires.If u are going to have a go at a taken chick then think of buying full body armour, which u will not take off even while getting some.

The horizon

2010-10-11T13:44:00.002+03:00

I have lived each day as it comes for several decades now, never really getting too bothered about tomorrow or the day after. But now i wish i had a crystal ball! May be midlife crisis does exist! I might not have a new job by month end now that i have given notice to leave my current job, for the past few months i cant take more than 5 beers bila wanting to go home and sleep irrespective of the company i have or how happening the club is, i have no gal(s) - i think thats a positive thing though, now that i might not hav a job i dont know how i'll service the bank loan, my trao's cant fit (do trao's shrink? and only at the waist?), some aunts came in a delegation to implore me to marry (half of them are seperated/divorced), my hao has bats flying all over the place, kids around where i stay refer to me as 'mbaba', having expired condoms (none use), I guess thats what midlife crisis is all about.
I need that crystal ball to show me huko kwa horizon.
I think i need a trip to UG to recharge these tired batteries.

X factor

2010-10-06T20:13:00.004+03:00

What answer do you give to the question 'how many ex's do you have?' I asked for the question to be re-phrased to be more precise and clear but the chick ran off saying that i'm the 'playa' type! All i wanted to know was did she want to know the number of chicks i've slept with? the number i've slept with more than once? the number i've slept with for more than a month? the number who were single when i slept with them? the ones my famo had met? the ones i had met their famo?
What merits a chick to be called an ex?

Free from money

2010-10-05T17:38:00.002+03:00

Wrote and handed in a resignation letter today. Its the most paying place i've worked but still 'i cut the hand that provides'. The director was perplexed, even asked if its a question of more money (he offered more).He could not understand why one could walk away from it. I have always been a broke m'faka and lived by the maxim 'money is everything', always thought that its moneyed guys who coined the phrase ati money is not everything coz they could do whatever they wanted since cash was not a barrier. I've decided to go back to the life of feeding from the dregs. Any one who can employ me? My strengths are - i"m easily bored, i dont like hard work, I hit on workmates, i hate work/office politics, i dont like formal wear, i dislike ppl in authority, i dont care so much about the company, i hate meetings, i hate writing reports, i dont like writing anything, i dont like dealing with clients, i like interns (female). My weaknesses- i resist the temptation of punching idiot workmates/bosses, i'm polite even when dealing with difficult clients, i cant resist a workplace hottie, i dont re-cycle shirts etc.

Hanging with 22 year olds

2010-10-04T19:36:00.000+03:00

It can be quite a pleasant thing being in the company of younger women. I rather enjoy seeing youthful exuberance, vigour, psyche, enthusiasm. All things that I've lost. Every other moment is also a cue for nostalgia to kick in. Listening to her talk about things you did a decade ago. Or things you didn't do. Or things you used to do that people don't do anymore. Then there are the times you're seated there looking at her and thinking to yourself how she'll be talking, thinking and doing things very differently in another few years. Only she doesn't know it yet. Then there's the energy. Or did I mention that already. Watching people "dancing" to "bend over". He!

But. Like I've mentioned countless times, my fantasies are quite heavily skewed towards older women. I've gotten a number of "eeuw" reactions to this. Some literal. But the way I see it, older women are more chilled out, calm, comfortable with themselves and the world in general. No more drama. Or less drama at least. If I wasn't so lazy and introverted perhaps I would actually do something about this. Find someone who wasn't in primo when I was in campus. If not for this reason, then simply in order to use up all this bonus airtime.

Memories to keep me company

2010-09-21T22:56:00.003+03:00

Now that i'm quasi-celibate i can sit down & remember some of the non-celibate days, days when i could make an effort to have a chick(s). There was a 3 day period when all the 4 women in my life had their monthly red days! thats what rotten luck is!

There was this time that a chick was making out with me she suddenly started screaming in the dead of night saying she can see her dead mother at the edge of the bed! Must confess i'd met her for the 1st time that day, her sis & her boyfriend (who had invited me over) came down stairs to see wsup. By then the chick was pulling down curtains while naked & going on screaming. The watchies were at the gate wondering whats cutting in the hao. The sis tried to calm her down but she couldn't reason with a viceroy induced hallucination. My pal was now getting restless & went to the store & brought a rope & said we tie her up, put her in the car & rush her to mathare! Kumbe she had been admitted there before! At 1st i could not believe this was happening! I almost convinced myself i was the one hallucinating. We chased her end eventually caught her (it was a huge house in mountain view)but she somehow calmed down (the sis gave her like 5 piriton tablets). Thats why i freak out over getting down with strangers i meet on the very day.

Sometime after seco we were at this rave & my pals & i were trying hard to hit on this chick who preferred to drink at the table as oppossed to dancing like everyone else. As we got smashed so did she & i made a move to shika he thighs under the table only to encounter metallic rods! Being high i dint think much of it but tried to find my bearings with my hand (let the fingers do the walking) I eventually discovered she had had polio when she was young & had metal braces! one of my pals fell under the table & emerged with crutches & in his drunken state took off with them to the pool table. Lets just say it wasnt a pretty sight to see that chick limping about chasing the guy for her crutches. See, i like chicks with physical disabilities.

Its a new old beginning

2010-09-17T08:35:00.002+03:00

Been here before, I wanted out of a relationship but didnt want to dump the gal. So i play for her to dump me instead, easier said than done! Kamikaze was right, they are like blood hounds, can smell shit going down from miles away. After a 2 week period of acting like a statue, u know, living your relationship like u are paralysed, the dreaded sentence 'we have to talk' was chomolewad. A list of treasonable offences was read out, among them was : she's not appreciated, i have deserted my duties as a boyfi etc. Before i could put in my deliberately weak defence i was asked what i want. With a pained expression i said the words I DONT KNOW. She being beautiful & also 'one of the sharpest tools in the shed' figured out that in essence i was a lost cause and practically threw me out. I am miserable coz i had thought something better would have come out of that relationship but i'm looking at the bigger picture which is eeeh....... i'm yet to figure out what the bigger picture is. Lets see what the future has in store for this new old beginning

Huh?

2010-09-09T21:38:00.000+03:00

Suppose you get an sms like How was your day? Goodnight. What are you supposed to do with it. Do you reply and go on about your day. Do you assume that she actually wants to go to sleep right now so you should reply tomorrow. Do you assume that she really wants to know how your day was but was running low on credit so killed two birds with one stone. In which case, if she indeed is out of credit, you may as well reply tomorrow. Do you mutter to yourself and act like you never received the sms.

Slow it down

2010-09-02T10:25:00.002+03:00

So she says we should cut down on the sex. Make it a weekly thing.

Alarm bells!

One of two things. Or maybe more.
One: you actually aren't that good. Even if she gets to go round the mountain every time you two bump uglies.
Two: someone else is tapping that. Which is actually the same as point one, only more hurtful.
There's three: You have the perpetual appetite of a released convict and she wants to curtail that, but she's going about it the wrong way.
Or Four: she really wants to make the sex have more "meaning-ness", special every time and not simply an animal (you) act.

Sulking doesn't work (it rarely does, and when it does it's simply because you look pathetic and she'll give you just so that she doesn't slap you and throw up on you).

So what do you do? You give in. And wait till she decides to give you some.

Sad.

way out

2010-09-01T19:28:00.003+03:00

How do u break up with the person you consider to be the best chick in the world?? All indirect attempts have failed miserably. Come to think of it, what do men (some men) really want from women? Why would i want to end it with the loveliest mama i've met in a long time? She's all that but i still want out? Though i know i'll kick myself in the nuts some time in the future for forsaking her.

catch 22

2010-09-01T19:09:00.002+03:00

Suppose your chick knows your uncle who is married very well & they are family friends & knows your uncle came to visit you some weekend then she comes to your hao and finds evidence that a chick slept at your digz. would u own up that u had a chick around ama u would lie and point fingers at your uncle?

Cure, anyone?

2010-08-25T16:24:00.000+03:00

I've often looked out for a post on the "dance of death". And seeing as one Kamikaze is an eminent expert on the subject, something from him. Or from 0.5. Haven't seen anything from him in a while.

So I'm a sufferer of the alluded to syndrome. Known this for a long time. From early on it became evident that sheer will power and avoidance manoeuvers would not be sufficient to overcome this problem. How is manoeuver an english word? Anyway. The only effective solution was, and remains purging of the phonebook. I've also fallen victim to the recently used sms recipients list and didn't figure out a way to clear that one. Tried removing the battery but the contacts persisted. Also been known to purge the the email inbox, sent items and addressbook. Succumbed to those ones a number of times.

So I've done my part. Purged everything I can think of. Inoculated. Then some time down the line, I get one of those umenyamaza correspondences. And the problems start. You could say nothing back [I'm yet to use this option]. You can go through the purge process after responding, but if you get a reply or a number of replies, this can be quite tiring. So before you know it, you're back to a place you were months or years before. Admittedly, most chics who've dismissed my stories make it a permanent thing. Some more ruthlessly than others. But, occasionally, you get one or two with whom you engage in that dreaded dance.

Silent answer

2010-08-07T12:14:00.002+03:00

When you take someone out, you want it to end in consensus. That's why i avoid topics like news, religion, chics vs guys, the poll outcome and how chics at work feel bad because of her looks.

How she started it i can tell, out of a well calculated smooth talk. "Do you think priests should get married?"

If i allow this line of discussion, i will get sucked into a useless non productive evening and i will retire to myself at 2:00 am.

But damn, the processing in my mind is switched. A priest in robes slowly undresses, Her partner is swaying all and about. He grabs the smooth details and turns his tongue in rolling fashion over her soft smooth skin. After some rough hurried hand works, he moves his mouth gently to the lower eden. Bites, tingles, roaring over and alternating calculated handwork and tongue action. He releases his every mouth based weapon on her roaring, turning, yearning body. By now spasms of pleasure have escalated into cries of pleasure and unyielding demands for quick rollover to the next level of pleasure. The very thought almost made me imagine spitting out the holy bread. can't see myself kneeling to get some from this filthy dude.

Well my opinion will not get me sorted, so i shut up in eager ambition, but this time i have silently picked sides on this edgy topic. she will never know.

what does it take

2010-07-27T21:01:00.002+03:00

Them days it seemed that every month/week had some exciting experiences to look forward to, many of these experiences were new & because of that they left you with a high. Maybe its growing up/old but i cant get that high i used to get! When is the last time you did a thing that left u with a smile & utter joy? I think the last such time was last yr, or was it 2 yrs ago during some water sport down the coast, Kamikaze too looked like he was having genuine fun! Ajamaa gets his fix from climbing mountains (i dont understand how one derives pleasure from that). I mean there are good moments but no memorable moments! That tshabalala goal almost touched there but bado. Short of getting into a F1 car or injecting heroin i dont know what will give me 'that nice shit'. If this is the case now, what will happen when a guy is 35, 45 or even 50 yrs?? What does it take to get me high? No answer at the moment but just Maybe my plans to parachute & banjee will touch me there. A guy needs a good fix every now & then

Whistle-blower

2010-07-20T12:41:00.002+03:00

I;ve not contacted synovate (formely steadman) or strategic research or infotrack or any other pollster but i have seen a big change in the way our dear ladies relate to guys. A while ago getting a kiss was like the closest u will get to a chick. Nowadays chicks freely offer BJ's like they are on an evangelical mission. I swear its easier to get a BJ from one than a hug! Maybe its the fact that they hold on your most prized area that drives them there. Things have changed! I"m not complaining! But no biting please.

The thighs have it

2010-06-28T19:32:00.001+03:00

They say macho hayana pazia. And I think this is especially so with men's eyes. No matter how much they see, they never shiba. After being caught staring a significant number of times, mouth agape and all, I thought it better for my own well-being to not look so much. To be making a conscious effort not to look. Effort which as it turns out, needs to be herculean. It's like the head has a mind of its own, and it shall not be denied. You find yourself doing serious battle, trying to prevent the neck muscles from behaving in such a manner as to move your head towards the object of interest.

You're seated down innocently one minute, minding your own business, and all of a sudden you start to feel those pesky neck muscles contracting. You know what this means but you're somewhat bewildered because there is nothing in your line of sight to cause parts of your body to react this way. But you soon realise that peripheral vision is not just some medical mambo jumbo. There, out of the corner of your eye, are thighs. Belonging to some lovely lady who on this fine day has chosen to wear a lovely skirt. One which when she's seated, as one typically does when seats are available, appears much shorter than it really is.

You try to peel your eyes back, but like magnets, they keep snapping back to the right. Panic starts to set in. You move your head a suitable amount of degrees away from her direction. Try to look at some random thing on this other side. But this is going to be one of those losing battles. These thighs are those ones sometimes referred to as yellow yellow. Zinametameta. And eyes, as everyone knows, tend to move towards shiny objects. Well, I'm not quite sure if this is experimentally proven, but it's going to be my defense today.

How the game is played

2010-06-28T10:56:00.003+03:00

I've forgotten. Or I never knew.

I can't seem to catch a break now. Thought I was onto some amazing, exciting opportunities. First one we can call blueberry (fruit right?). Met at a club, talked for ages that night, caught a few rubs. I saw that as the start of something wonderful. Then I met strawberry the next weekend. Not as forthcoming with the smooches as blueberry but I was willing to be patient. Keep at it, something has to give.

Therein, I am meant to understand by a certain un-resident doc, is the crux of the issue. That waiting. Things have changed. While I was mired in a sedentary relationship, things were picking up speed in the outside world.

24 hours. That is the new waiting period. If you haven't closed the deal within that period, iko shida.
I'm getting to realise that first hand. Blueberry doesn't respond to smses. I kept at it, then I think I get it now. Sent me a message saying she is away for two weeks. I get it blueberry. Fine. I'll leave you alone.

Strawberry also has issues. She won't come when I call. She won't stay long as I want. Even after giving up the smooches and letting me get to third base (which one is that by the way? I had everything off at some point, just the panties left and then she froze on me. Crap!) she's still not forthcoming. She has on several occasions made me resort to pleading. Then she humiliates me further by telling me to stop begging.

These are hard, embarrassing times for me. Unbecoming behavior. I don't remember myself being the begging kind. I guess I never had practise with coaxing the ladies out of their pants. It kinda just happened. With the help of booze mostly.

Things done changed for me. The game has changed. I never stayed on top of things. Literally. I was supposed to stay on top of other and new fruits. Stay in the game. I settled into my miserable existence. Stewing in my own inability to take action. Blaming myself for my situation. And with those thoughts, sinking further and further into some sort of malaise.

But I'm breaking out! The game has to be played. Got to remember the rules. Learn the new ones. Improve.

Bleeding heart

2010-06-16T12:00:00.003+03:00

That is the affliction.

I remember this guy that never gave a flying crap about the femmes.
Then he was down on his luck. Lost his source of revenue and then his digs. So he reached out to a fruit that was always about. This damsel took him in. Gave him a place to stay and was putting out. Sex on tap, roof over his head, food on the table. She even threw in some clothing once in a while.

He could have gone back to his mom's. In fact, occasionally, he did. However, it wasn't the same. He'd outgrown his mom's digs. There was a younger bro ruling the roost. He had settled into his big bro's room. Fit into his shoes. Bringing the ladies in, you know, made his bro proud. So this guy figured he wouldn't come back and re-take what was once his, he'd just try and fit in. It was hard.

So, he decided to just hang out with the nice fruit. Stick it out as he sorts himself out. That was also hard. He'd never really seen anything long term there. Or anywhere. So like all good procrastinators, he kept putting off actually leaving her permanent. I might add that he was never one to leave things permanently. Always left them, somehow, on good or relatively can-go-back terms.

Time went by. A year passed and this guy (often going back to mom's and returning to fruit's - like a little girl) got a job. Out of a sense of loyalty, the feller stayed. Listened to the fruit's crap everyday. Took it stoically. Then she went ahead and got herself knocked up. More angst for the guy. Can't leave now can I? I can never leave! More procrastination. Does he leave? Does he not? The baby. It hasn't done anything wrong. It just has a daft mother. What to do?

Then he remembered. He never gave a flying crap about the femmes. That he had forgotten. He had become a wuss. He'd rather live paying child support, get called a crappy dad but reclaim his old life. Maybe make a new one. Stop the bleeding heart nonsense. You can only owe someone so much. Not your life. Remember that you are who you are. But more broke.

Age is a number

2010-06-16T11:37:00.000+03:00

The football world has brought a new dimension to the age issue. When i was in school vying for the school team & even going for some kenya under 18 team trials, i thought i was beginning my journey to top fitness coz top players in the world were 24 yrs. So i thought i had several yrs to get there. 24 found me more of a drunk than an athlete but i still considered my self 'fit'. Even then i knew that top athletes were considered past their best at 30 and it looked like 30 was light yrs ahead. So here i am, 30 something, urging on coaches in those premiership clubs to sell/fire/kill of players who are 30 and cant run anymore, it was all ok until i was reminded of my age. It got me wondering, are those players like Scholes, Henry, Raul old? they are on the verge of retirement coz they are 30+. That translates to a guy telling me to retire coz i'm too old! how comes? When did 30+ become old? when did ppl start retiring at 30? If i were to get my pension & terminal benefits kesho i"d die!! How can 30 be old? If my plumbing still works, i can climb 10 levels of stairs, i can take several beers, i can attempt to sheki leggi, i can run round a pitch. how is that old?

Maybe i'm one old grumpy geezer refusing to accept the inevitable

Have my cake and eat it

2010-06-15T10:02:00.003+03:00

I thought that would be as good a title for this post as any.

So I slipped on a banana the other day. Actually the other year. I went ahead and moved in with Bananas. I thought, hey, I can keep getting some, and at some point I'll just bounce. It's been a year and a half now.

In that time, I've left and gone back a couple of times. Then she went and did it. She got knocked up. Apparently I had something to do with it. I can play along, but at some point that DNA thing will have to factor in.

Anyways, going by the title, here is where we get into a pickle (what does that mean really?). I want out. I so want out. And all I keep hearing when I raise this issue (with myself and a few people), is that I'm just talking. I deserve that. Look at the banana-kamikaze track record.

Now, this brings up all sorts of feelings. One, I don't want to be a crappy guy and walk out when the ripe banana is about to burst open (3 or so months to go). Another, I don't want to look like I don't have the stomach for doing what I say, all I do is rant as soon as I get high. Three, I don't want to have to throttle someone in the middle of the night (now or in some future where it is either that or I walk in front of a moving truck / bus / high speed subaru).

So it gets to that point right now that I want out. And I want to go for it. How does that even reflect in the title? It doesn't does it? I want bananas to accept the fact that she trapped me with this crap, and she should just go ahead and let me run for the hills, and, out of her good nature, not sue me for things like child support and not send any goons for my kneecaps.

Two fruits lined up. Damn straight they are part of the reason I want to take off. Can't wait to take off. No name for the latest, but I think strawberry should do it for the first. Just need to do the follow-ups for both.

More later.

Gods gift

2010-06-09T07:35:00.002+03:00

Gods greatest gift to men starts tomorrow! the world cup! I know its a big deal to many that its being held in africa but i frankly dont give a @*# where its held as long as the times are friendly, games coming from about 5pm to latest 11pm. I've not seen the schedule but i think the games will fall somewhere within those times.

If there's an idea or moment that gets guys united is the world cup, fine, some fellas will lose their life savings by betting on a losing team, some guys wife will run off with the neighbour coz husband is too glued to tv, some crazy dudes will hang themselves coz their teams lost and even some red blooded jungu will contract hiv in s.a kulaing those sluts but thats the world cup for u.

What other event can bring USA and North korea into the same event other than war?

My earliest recollection of the world cup was the '86 in mehico, u know the maradona world cup. i cant quite remember any exact move i saw on tv but what stuck in me is how bananas my zaks & some uncle were! Maradona and canigia were the names! no sentences could have been completed without those names being uttered! The other thing i remember is that matches came at odd hrs, guys had to wake up at 3am. Coke guys even made 'peles' of maradona which was a 'color D'. Those were the white inner linings of soda bottle tops that were removed & guys in school had a game where u blow to flip them & some how the winner was the kid who could flip the most (it doesnt make any sense now) Maradonas was a coloured one so we called it a 'color D'

Italy '90 was a blur coz was in a boarding school and they let us watch the cameroon games, semis and final. wont forget when roger milla & his boys made us proud. But the moment that sticks out was how Roberto Baggio missed that pena! How???

USA '94. Was in another boarding school but still caught a few matches. I had so much hope in the nigerian team coz had such powerful players like Yekini, amokachi, amunike etc. That yekini guy was scary, his face looked like a clenched fist!
I think they went past the 2nd round. Wont forget roger millas goal, was he like 50 yrs? (42 actually). Maradona f**kd up again with his cocain. romario & bebeto did their thing. Not too memorable

Franc '98. Cant remember much coz there abouts my attention was held by some chick ( i am so ashamed to have abandoned WORLD CUP for a gal & i deserve multiple life sentences. I had the highest hopes for nigeria & camerron but they did zero! nigeria had a comic for a G'keeper, the guy let in like 3 easy goals, even our dog could have stopped those goals! Oliseh had a wonder goal, i still see it being replayed. Okocha tried but the eagles failed. Ronaldo dissppointed big time! that was meant to be his tournament but injury right before spoilt his moment. How did those french boys chapa 3 past brazil? ok, zidane headed in the 2 & was it petit who scored the 3rd?

South korea/japan '02. I liked the timing of the matches. came between 8am-2pm. That was the best time in campus coz for a whole month a didnt go to school except for the obligatory CATs. Opening match set the tone! defending champs france were hammered 1-0 by senegal! Madness! was at K1 having some pitchers! France came with 3 leading scorers in different leagues, trezeguet in italy, henry in england and , forgotten the other and left the tourna without scoring! Thats impotence! Senegal did us proud man! i think they lost in the quarters to a sudden death goal, was it to sweden? Davor zucker and his boys (i forget the country) went to the semis destroying germany in the process! Brazil had a stroll in the park. Must mention the ronaldinho goal that left seaman for lost (was it meant to be a cross) , the michael owen weaving run past the argentinians. Luis figo underperforming, Turkey giving brazil a run for their money etc

Germany '06. Fake tournament. Italy won,

What were your moments?

eye opener

2010-06-03T15:08:00.003+03:00

Went to a zaks pub juzi, found this guy who looked 50yrs with a mathee looking 45. they were making out big time! Kissing of lips, neck, couldnt see the guys hands, one hand had dissappeared under her top. I had mixed feelings, on one hand i was embarrassed that senior guys like them would have a go at a pub but also jazzed that when i'm 50 i'll still have the guts to pull such stunts! But what was for sure is they were not married to each other.

Myspace

2010-06-03T14:42:00.002+03:00

Life can be boring when things get predictable. Last couple of days the expected happened. I have been a victim for a while, women mis-using me for their own personal gains just coz i was brought up not to say no to a lady(ies). They use me for company when their preferred men are absent from them, they use me when they feel like they need a guys arms around them, i also get sexually used every so often. i guess thats what being a guy is. The other day i hesitated when one of them wanted assuarances on 'where we r headed with this' & predictably she ran to her fiancee. The other young one in not so many words ran away when she realized i cant dance to the song 'bend over'! How does a guy dance to that song while all chicks in the club are trying their utmost to break a guys pelvis with their wanton thrusts and grinding? I'm too old for that shit! While another refused to talk to me coz she's re-assessing our engagement.
What this has brought me is utmost peace, my own space! Now i can go out to purely enjoy wildlife (tourists look at animals to pass time, i look at women). Perhaps looking for the next person to use & abuse me as they wish. For a long time i dont have to do the daily obligatory phone calls to several people.

What to do

2010-05-25T23:17:00.002+03:00

Some while ago i said that i nowadays use the word love all the time. Yes it has paid of handsomely, wait, beautifully! It was like a master key, openinng all manner of offerings my way. One of the good things to come out of it was this chick who had broken off her engagement a few months ago but they were now sorting out their issues for eventual marriage (i guess). She's hot, has the best dimples i've seen, both her cheeck dimples & one on her left thigh. So i said i loved her just for the sake, i kept repeating it. All the while she was making up with her man she was also with me, & some how i also came to fancy her more than just an erection-breaker.
Drama started when she said she wants we talk, that phrase 'lets meet & talk' always has consequences! It reminds me of the days when the class bully or a teacher told you 'utaona'! pure dread! As i was fiddling with my drink waiting for the reprimand or complaint she innocently asks if i really love her, without any hint of hesitation i reply that i love her very much to which she starts this crazy vibe that froze my marbles. Basically she says she loves me too & says she wants me for keeps & all i have to say is i want her too & she will break it off with her fiancee! what weighty matters for a simpleton like me! shit! I like her but i know i'm no good for her in terms of settling down & i wud not kill her chance at marriage just coz she knows how to straddle & ride. For a chick to want to break of an engagement for me must really mean she feels something.
Thats one of the most difficult situations i've had to wiggle my way out of, needless to say i literally pushed her towards her man. She was shocked that a guy who claims to love her would want to run to the hills when she throws herself at him for a serious relationship.
The moral of this story, do not use that word love!

Ji baba

2010-05-24T19:16:00.003+03:00

Back in primo, guys of high school were the envy coz they could hit on chicks in std 7 & 8 with so much ease that we guys couldnt wait to get to high school & have all the fly primo chicks eating out of our hands. High school came & some how i forgot abt the 'babies' in primo & got fixated on the high school vixens. But it was always a case of the more senior guys getting the gal u fancied. Those days chicks were not as liberated as they are today so no 4th form chick in her right mind would want to be kissed by a 2nd form guy. As we got to 3rd form a phenomenon 'chali wa colle' hit the senior form gals & all we guys were left to aspire to be was this chali wa colle thing & get the high school gals as a benefit.
Little did we know that life is never that easy coz when we got to colle/campus the ladies were now being held in a trance by the working-class male especially if he drove a car & could take her out for a movie/drink. Competing with these working -class was a no brainer. But what really irked campo guys were the older men, you know those guys who are 30+, the ji babas. They were what don juan was to the ladies of states or was it mexico or spain? These ji babas certainly had other working class gals but still came for the young, supple & succulent campo gals! what audacity! We despised ji babas though secretly wishing to be one!
And so it came to pass that i am now a proud ji baba driving into campo hostels, picking up a young supple & succulent chick taking her out, spoiling her rotten. Damn the campus admin for closing down campo & ruining my ji baba moment!

telescope

2010-05-24T18:48:00.002+03:00

There's lots of great stuff i like about women but the one that really stands out is the way they are ALWAYS thinking long term! If we had chicks running this world i can bet we would have world peace, no hunger, no poverty, no need to work- welfare would be a fat cheque etc. Ever noticed how a chick meets a guy & in a shortwhile she's assessed and determined wether the guy can handle the long- haul & if she thinks he cant, then, he's dissmissed. I mean, a guy just wants a shag, thinking of next wk, 6 months, 2 yrs down line just doesnt happen!
A chick pal was telling me how she's met this wonderful guy 2 wks ago but says there's a problem coz she's christian & he;s muslim, they hav not even shaggd and she's already thinking long term! She's probably thinking will i have to change my religion when he marries me, what will my folks say if i bring home a muslim, will my pastor kick me out of church, will i be screened more at the airport when i adopt his muslim name, will i get a visa to the states with a muslim name etc.
chicks are so telescopic!
A chick meets a short guy & immediately starts wondering if their kids will be short too!
If i was a politically inclined guy i would campaign for women to lead us guys coz they think/see far. But i thank god for making me a guy, i live for today, i want gratification today, i'll waste my pay today, i'll flirt with my galfriends pal today bila thinking of where i'll sleep coz my gal could throw me out, i'll drink today not caring about the hangover tomorrow, i'll try live like kamikaze today.

stair date

2010-05-21T21:03:00.003+03:00

You meet someone. over the staircase. You decide to go a little naughty just to kick things a little bit. And there she chucks a "The other night i was alone in the house, it was so cold and this area has been very insecure. On ya, did you hear the gunshots? scaring heh!, i wanted to come knock and we spend but i didn't know whether you could open for me. i fear you, you know. Actually i couldn't imagine you talk............yayaya...lalalala....blablabla"
Matejivu can only giggle. say some incoherent bullshit, trying to seem cool. Waves away scared. Am i old? its rhetorical. can't handle sh!t

going anticlockwise

2010-05-21T18:46:00.002+03:00

You know me and my friends were talking. You know somehow you make me emotional insecure. This is the thing: we have been seeing each other for a while now, and i am afraid i have put you in my plans but you seem like you will dump me just like that. I even have baby names for the son and the daughter. its good to plan and start early. You see it's not that i think you are seeing someone else, its that you have everything you need. what is stopping you. Me i have plans to get married in two years, please tell me you will think about it. Dont say No. Even if you are lying please say you will think about it.
And there i sat silent, not wanting to hurt this ridiculously daring young woman. But not saying a word and not thinking of it. People keep calling men good listeners. Talk less and less.its the romantic thing. And i am. My clock ran out of batteries. two years and the rest is eternity? and noone aint pregnant. Now thats some

Umenyamaza

2010-05-11T13:06:00.000+03:00

Another reason I find women exceedingly interesting.

You send a couple of texts, without reply. Attempt a couple of calls, which go unanswered. Send some emails. Nothing. So you delete the relevant contacts and move on with your life. Then months down the line, you get an sms. "You're so quiet". After a year, you get an email declaring how "umenyamaza". How now.

The shepherd and the sheep

2010-05-11T12:30:00.000+03:00

I've always held that someone should write a book on relationships. Although, to be fair, thousands upon thousands have been written. Another one should write a book on women. Once again, plenty of those around.

But it's really interesting hearing the view from the other side as it were. Like when the discussion on the current affairs topic of unplanned [unwanted?] pregnancy was going on. What does the sole chic present have to say. Her reasoning goes like this. Sometimes things happen that were unintended. Sometimes, a chic looks at this guy, decides he's a really nice guy, and does whatever she needs to do. And why would she contemplate such a thing. Because men are never ready to settle down. So it's up to her to nudge you in the right direction. Make you do what you really want to do but are just too scared to. Can you say "meh".

Putting in work

2010-05-11T11:59:00.000+03:00

So I've been a bit preoccupied with the prospects of getting hooked up. First thing I reckoned was that I would need to put myself out there. Get out of the house more than once every couple of weeks and the like. But before that, perhaps I would try some of this new technology stuff. Save myself a few coffee dates. Create some dummy facebook account and see what happens with that. But apparently one has to make formal requests before one can start talking to people or something, and the women I surveyed indicated that they wouldn't accept that kind of thing from a moniker they didn't recognize.

The other thought I had was to call some random numbers. All that bonus airtime was making my head a bit irrational. But if I knew for certain that a certain number belonged to a chic, that would be something worth trying. One person gave the "you can meet people anywhere" speech. Even lifts she says. If ever there was an awkward place to strike up a conversation... But perhaps the greater point was that there aren't any hard and fast rules. You roll the dice and see what comes up. The more I asked, the more I realised the easiest way to meet someone was to go into a pub, walk up to someone and say something. It's easier than becoming a member of a rotaract club or joining the finger of god or an innumerable other things a guy can do. If you can actually pull it off. And even in my better days, I couldn't quite pull it off. The Kamikaze does this kind of thing at will. Like Friday. I'm tempted to ask him for that number if, as he intimates, he may not put it to use. Whatever the case, it's hard work this getting hooked up business.

All eyes on you

2010-04-21T21:44:00.000+03:00

I was reminded the other day, of something from back in the day. From the good old days. When guys were young and brimming with energy.

There's this chic I met. Not met met you understand. I saw her across the way in the club. Noticed her. In my world, that qualifies as "met". Anyway. Flash forward some period of time. I was making my way to some all night chips place. Let's call it 3am. Now I never eat anything after supper time [up to 11pm at our house]. Something about having to wake up the stomach to work on whatever, only to want it to sleep soon thereafter. If I'm at a chips place at 3am, I'm with this Dede guy. He has been known to eat something or other before a night is out.

Anyway. So I walk past someone, and a couple of steps later it hits me. That's the chic. The one I "met". Now this being a different era, I stopped, turned around, made the quick steps it took to catch up with her and said something. I continued speaking until she gave me her number. Don't ask me what I said. I never remember any details during these episodes. Must be the hightened state of fear and trepidation that accompanies such actions. The mind just can't put down anything in long term storage.

Anyway. Flash forward another period of time. I meet up with her at some bar. We'd talked a bit in the said period but that's an aside. She suggests that some of her friends are at some other place and can we head there. The more the better. I have significant difficulty having a conversation with one person for a long time anyway. Why I don't like dates.

Anyway. So we check into this place. She's walking ahead of me, looking out for her pals. I start to notice movement in the periphery. People's heads. Men's heads. Moving. Their eyes too. Since they all seem to be converging at one point, I follow, and end up looking at the chic I've just walked in with. The eyes aren't on me but I can't help but start to feel squeamish. She on the other hand, seems oblivious to it all. How. Someone once said that chics are used to it. That people have been staring at them from the time they were 16. So they got desensitized. A few eyes, after having enough of the eye candy, come my way. Guys being guys, and being all the same, and me being one of them, I could only conclude that those were looks of envy. Or sizing up, to see if they can take this guy. Or more accurately, take the chic he's with. Which elicits amusement from my part. She's not my galfriend or wife or anything so I have no reason to experience any kind of negative emotions.

Flash forward several years. I'm with this chic who I think is hot. She's a friend. So. Anyway. She wants to dance. It's a bar. This concept of dancing in a bar I've never understood. We're the only ones dancing. And she wants to do this thing chics say they apparently are disgusted by. Where you're behind her and she's doing all sorts of things with her hips and behind. Gyrating doesn't even begin to describe it. Too many hip hop videos. Now. People haven't been staring at me since I was 16. The only way I'm doing this is in some dark corner. Not a reasonably lit corridor with a bunch of folks looking on. Or if I had my prefrontal cortex removed. Still. It amazes me how women are able to ignore all the eyes, and go about their lives seemingly unaffected by it all.

Hot mama

2010-04-21T20:36:00.000+03:00

There's this chic. Whose mum is hot. On more than one occasion, I've wondered, on seeing her from afar. Who is that. What possibilities might there be. Only to be confronted, when she got closer, by the awkwardness of it all. With no way to take the thoughts back. This is why mind reading should always remain an illegal activity. In 3050 AD or whatever.

Wait. Blimey. One of her kids has a daughter. Which would make her a grandmother. This is so wrong. But. If she's hot, she's hot.

Seed machine

2010-04-15T23:06:00.002+03:00

An aquintance was asking me strange stuff about my family & i really didnt see where she was heading until she told me she wants a sperm donor, my sperm! At first i thought this was a new pick up line but the chick wasn't laughing about it. She was dead serious! She told me to go think about it coz i was speechless! Fine, she has been heartbroken many times, had been raped as a kid & really wasn't feeling men at that moment etc but to shop for sperm like that was a bit bizarre. I asked why cant she visit the sperm bank somewhere intown where there are better donors, taller donors, dark-skinned donors, donors with high IQ. Somehow she was deluded to think i hav good characteristics ( i was reduced to a seed producing machine). She was ready to pay for my full medical, hers included. I was to deposit the sperm in the natural way. The chick planned we visit a lawyer to draw up a deal where i'll waive my paternal rights (whatever those are) & need not provide for the kid. i was seriously considering it but the formal way we were going on about it was scary! Are good fathers that hard to find that i become a good gene pool? I kept saying that would be the costliest sex she'll ever have! Did we go ahead? story for another day

Can it be?

2010-04-15T22:56:00.001+03:00

Why is it that guys get desired girlfriend characteristics in the clande’s but the clande’s cant make good galfriends? For instance if u want to get down with your galfriend of many months tonight u must have started foreplay 2 days ago. U must have called her several times since yesterday, remembered to mention how pretty she is, how many kg’s she’s lost etc! woe unto you if u had not started warming her oven 2 days in advance coz u will most definitely be given those funny lines of I’m tired, I have a headache, why do men always think of shagging or just hold me.
On the other hand clande’s have a way of catching u by the balls literally! They are as kinky as demons. They leave your dick in shreds coz of wear & tear. On several occasions I’d risk losing my job, risk being thrown out by the landlord, risk the wrath of her boyfriend or fiancée or risk my life coz of these clande’s. I don’t think I’d risk any of that for my galfriends.
Even when a clande eventually gets promoted to galfriend status they lose their mojo & settle into galfriend monotony.
Its only a clande who can pop into your office at lunch time, make sure u r the only one around & proceed to give u a blow job that u had not begged for( like u wud with a galfriend).
Is it foolish to think that there’s that one chick who is a galfriend with clande mentality? Maybe it will snow tomorrow.

Cash & carry

2010-03-24T07:54:00.002+03:00

Was at the banking hall the other day (i hate the banking halls) when some middle age lady was thrust in front of me by the guard just as i was getting to the counter. From the look of things she was a regular client. I almost protested but i just let it slide. when she got to the counter she removed the biggest pile of cash i've seen in a long time. It always surprises me how much stuff the female hand bag can carry bila looking cumbersome. The teller had to look for a colleague to help count & of course ensure its not that fake cash we have been seeing on tv. After an eternity of counting, running it through the cash machine & counting by hand -the guy almost had his finger print rubbed off! Total came to 980,500/-. I also some how got to see her name by craning my neck a bit. I dont have devil-ish tendencies but i followed her from the bank just to see what she drives (armoured personnel carrier??) or if she walks with body guards. She entered a kawa car, no body guards. No trailing car. As i said i dont have any devil-ish tendencies, i googled her name just to see who she is, what she does, where she stays etc. Aren't people afraid of carrying such amounts on them? i'd shit on myself if i had to carry such cash on a regular basis.

Unbusy all day ....

2010-03-17T11:34:00.003+03:00

This is how I honed my cartoon drawing skills.
You can't invent a better way to waste a guy's skills, really.

Nameless

2010-03-16T22:52:00.002+03:00

Ever made a mistake of calling your gal the other gals name, yani u get a statement like 'what did u call me?'Can also happen with texts where you send claire a text meant for mary. Thats why theoretically i believe in one night stands coz she never lingers long enough for you to know her name. The trouble with having several chicks who probably you meet quite often is always keeping in mind her name even when talking in your sleep!
To avoid such moments, i use one name for all. Brilliant dont u think? I call all of them 'honey'. No more trying to constantly remind myself i'm no lomger with claire but with mary. Gladly none of them says 'say my name' while in bed coz thats when a guy is a real imbecile. Nameless they shall remain.

Hunter hunted

2010-03-16T22:20:00.002+03:00

I had an occassion some wks ago, the one where you are suppossed to rejoice at adding an extra year to your miserable life. I had thought valentine was a tricky affair especially with 3 chicks waiting for their time slice. I had not reckoned it would be more difficult to do something considering they all know my bday & wanted to somehow hook up. Some had made prior arrangements to be on the said day while another was asking what type of cake i wanted. Even the one who knew i hav a chick was somehow making plans for my day. evasive manouvering had to be employed, lies had to be manufactured, phones had to be on silent. I now know why streetwise (chick-wise) guys dont tell chicks their bday date coz the hunter easily turns to be the hunted

Looking for Mrs Samborera

2010-03-10T19:04:00.000+03:00

I've had this feeling recently, that things have changed somehow. That people are getting into another phase of life. Another phase after primo, seco, campus, work. The phase of having babies or getting married. Both even for some. Perhaps this is it.

I certainly missed that memo. But it's apparently time to get my mind into this new phase. Where people buy cars and houses and things. Can't live the way I am forever? I'm so clueless, I was making statements like if 0.5 had indeed bought a car, then I would get married. No prizes for guessing who's laughing now. Time to start putting myself out there.

Interview number 1

2010-03-10T18:45:00.000+03:00

Not sure why I'm numbering. It's the first time in four years. So.

Anyway. I'd moved my mind to other things. So when the call came, it had that out of the blue feel to it. What to wear. I'd previously thought of attending interviews in t-shirt and jeans. But there is no clean pair of jeans in sight, and it's too late to start washing. It's 4:30pm. Probably wouldn't dry anyway with the current weather. So it's got to be a suit. No tie. Decent enough compromise. Next day. Apparently the coat has a tendency of munging the shirt if you don't have a tie on. Oh well. I tried.

A couple of hours later and the IT manager ushers us [we're several by now] to some room. First thing that catches my eye is the laptops. I haven't written .NET code in like a year. Terror starts to creep in. After a small pep talk, the guy unleashes some stuff from some folder. No. Surely not. Swiftly followed by the distribution of "writing materials". It's going to be a written exam. Now I'm not so sure if those laptops were such a bad thing. At least there's intellisense.

First question. Looked like what is a database. Immediately, and for some unknown reason, my mind starts thinking about B-trees. But, obviously, my mind was getting ahead of itself. The question read "explain a database to a young child". You certainly aren't going to have a discussion about B-trees with any sort of child. You actually don't want to be having such a conversation with anyone. I look around and start getting this twilight zone feeling. Am I really here. What am I doing here.

Among the other gems prepared for us... "what is the reading on the following spring balance". The brave new world of interviewing.

Funny guy

2010-03-09T19:10:00.000+03:00

If a chic says you're funny, what does she really mean. There are loads of naturally and genuinely funny guys. Kamikaze and such. Me. Not so much.

Getting out of the friend zone

2010-03-06T22:25:00.001+03:00

There are few things worse than finding yourself in the friend zone. Except perhaps having a gangrenous leg sawn off without anaesthetic.

aJamaa carried me along to one of these get together things that have nyama as a central agenda. Looking around, I couldn't help but think of some of the gals there as interesting. OK. So perhaps I like some of them. But I'm so far in the friend zone with these ones that any kind of possibilities can't even be considered. I'm like a friend of a friend of an acquaintance. And the gals probably think that I only look at them in that way.

The sad thing about this friend business is that you end up doing all sorts of counterintuitive things. Instead of saying "I think you're hot", you go on and on about useless things like "how was your day". Then again if you escape the alcatraz that is the friend zone, you're likely to land in the cold and treacherous waters of complicated.

Overqualified

2010-03-06T21:59:00.000+03:00

So I've been jobless for a couple of months. Truth be told, I don't really know what I want to do. I've had some vague ideas, but nothing really concrete. Someone asked me a couple of weeks back what I had in mind about career. It took me by surprise that question. In all the time I've had to think about my life, and all sorts of other stuff, I've never once thought of career. What I want to be doing 5, 10, 20 years from now.

I've never been able to think about more than the present. The future for me was always some hazy, mysterious thing. Deep space. And as a result, it happened by default. I never consciously picked it. Career? I don't know. OK. I was forced to think about it that day, and coupled with some other stuff, some ideas have come to mind. The other stuff being something I always thought happened to other people.

I never understood this word, overqualified. Used to hear it a lot a long time ago but it didn't make sense to me. I didn't have a masters degree so it was never going to apply to me anyway. But a couple of weeks ago, I got a reality check. I got word that these particular HR guys were concerned. They feared that I was overqualified and a flight risk. I consider myself [now] to be a high risk employee, and I'd think the latter about myself if I was looking at my CV. The former, however, had never crossed my mind. If I didn't know someone who worked at this place to tell me what the folks in charge of hiring were thinking, I probably would never have considered it. And if I can't do this job, I'm now not sure what job I can do.

I've seen a lot of ads. I like the idea of working for the county council of maragua, but there are probably other people who should be getting those jobs. There are an inordinate amount of people looking for IT managers. But I neither have a CCNA qualification, or know what those initials stand for. What else. If I can't get into places where I thought I would be of best use, where people need to know unmaintainable languages, or fear them and the prospects of working 12 hour days, and I'm over or under qualified for the rest of the stuff, it's time for plan C.

When I started off on my current path, it was an outcome I considered. An outsider, but on the list all the same. We'll see how it goes.

Boss killer

2010-03-05T17:48:00.002+03:00

I have this fool for a boss, no fault of his own, must have banged his head repeatedly on a mirror thinking he's head butting some idiot in front of him. Since he was not to concerned about the weighty issues i had brought up i went above his empty head to his boss. Ala! guy was a smartly dressed fool! Are like most bosses airheads??? i'm a small time supervisor ( i cant use the word boss) & i dont think i'm irritating, illogical, promises-spewing, doing-nothing, busy-looking, secretary-flirting, slave-driving kind of a guy.
Those of you who are bosses, do guys under you respect you or are looking for an opportunity to run you over or poison your tea? Whats the worst that a junior employee has done to you? Any death threats? have your tires been slashed? Any anthrax in the mail?
My boss sometimes is really working hard to make me a boss-killer.

pay back

2010-03-04T08:18:00.001+03:00

So u meet this hot chick who jumps your bone(s) to high heaven & while the 'thing/fling' is still hot she borrows some cash. Not in the kawa way where she either calls to ask 4 the loan or asks to meet u to explain her need 4 the said loan. Its asked right after some mind blowing performance, while your blood has not fully returned to your brain, & since this is when u are most vulnerable (remember samson & delilah??) u promise that u will sort her out. As the blood continues to fill up in the bigger head u realise your folly & start formulating some storo but just b4 u open your mouth u hear her saying stuff like 'u r so sweet, u r so kind, u r better than my boyfriend, u r a lifesaver etc. How do u disappoint someone like that? So i send her a portion (large) of my salo.
The problem is the time she was to pay it back has elapsed & i need the cash, how do ask 4 it esp coz things are still steamy? Do i take it like i have 'paid' her 4 a job ( dont add a b-word) well done? Didn't she feel like a ho when she asked 4 a huge favour that soon after the said deed? Or is she a ho? I never likd paying ho's anyway. I'm sure i'd feel like a man-ho if i asked & was given a windfall right after some hanky panky. The way its going i'l most likely be asked to 'top up' the loan than be paid back. I hope blood will b in the right head nxt time i'm asked. Damn good p***y!

Complicated

2010-02-25T21:06:00.000+03:00

Boy meets gal. Boy lays cards on the table. Proposes some kind of arrangement. Settlement. Contract. Gal says, "OK!". Stuff happens. Then. Gal starts asking for xyz. Things not in said contract. Boy reexamines agreement for areas of possible misinterpretation. Finding none, he shakes his head. Too late. He's turned into yet another bad guy. How does this happen.

Religious right

2010-02-24T21:40:00.003+03:00

I am not one to question how/where/what anyone worships but recent events have caught my eye.
Some days ago i passed by neno evangelical something, situated at close to kobil on Haile sellase avn. this is the church/cash cow/cult that was in the news some time ago where the she-pastor (whats a female pastor called?)in exchange for lots of cash could 'cure' HIV only if the guys went for confirmation of the cure to clinics of her choice. The parking area of this building/tent looked like a car sales yard, with 2 hummers, several harriers & some choice german makes plus the usual toyos. I wud hav thought that for an institution that exists to uphold morals that it wud hav closed down after that scam was exposed

I saw on tv that Patnni is a preacher! suprise suprise he has followers! & they are kenyan! they seem to have forgotten that kenya is poor partly due to his gold scam!

On tv, some congregation has been praying for the ressurection of 2 of their pastors who died. Its not 1 deranged guy praying but a whole multitude!

Then some bored 'celebs' sit around & form their own church 'finger of god' why not his elbow or shoulder or hair of god? That esther chick i hear gave a disturbing interview on k24. She actually believes what she said!

My point is, what do these religious leaders give their flock that they lose all logic? I want that stuff! i need that stuff! i need to smoke it, snort it, hell, even inject it!
Imagine if u have these powers, u can command ajamaa: 'bring half of your savings to my hao + a bootle of wine & u will be blessed immensely' you could tell miss Kenya 'benny hinn has prophesied that we will marry, bring forth a kid who shall slay the 666'
You could command a guy who works at say safcom or KDN to get from their databases the phone number & snaps of the chicks who work at customer care for yourself & they will receive gods blessings'
This freedom of worship is a bitch!

Give unto Caesar

2010-02-20T16:45:00.003+03:00

Guys generally abhor that word 'love'. I would not utter it to save my life. saying i love your hair, i love your cute bum was ok but i love you had not escaped my mouth. Sure i had written it down. I always felt that the moment i say that i loose a piece of my being, like cutting of a foot or losing my teeth. I have even lost major opportunities just coz i didnt say it, what foolish pride! If only i knew what i know now!
In one of those rare moments of weakness i happened to answer i love u too as i was cursing under my breath waiting for my body to wilt or die only to realise i had opened the doors to the most good will i have received in a while. After trying it out on a few select sisters i hav realised it could almost rival the allure of a rich dude. well, eventually your actions prove u dont really mean what u said and r thrown out like stale food but by then u r a happy guy. You sometimes wonder what lost opportunities u had just coz u didnt say that word when it was required of u! so, give unto caesar what is due to him, even 'fundi wa mbao' knew that

Noise level

2010-02-20T16:03:00.002+03:00

Are ppl created so differently that some guy had to come up with that saying about ones meat being anothers poison? Growing up watching those 3rd rated porns made me want to have those chicks who make noise/scream them selves hoarse. we even had a neighbour who couldnt hold it in through out the 'procedure'. Here i'm not talking about the ones who scream at the point of the proverbial big O but those who start even with heavy foreplay. & i'm also not talking abt the ones who always hiss instructions like they r reciting some porn script, u know like ' f* me harder! whose your mama! do u like it! pound me! i'm coming! pliz come! etc
I guess it makes a guy feel like he is doing something if it brings out some muffled sounds in whatever language. I recently came across a SCREAMER, day 1 i was constantly checking or asking if all is ok coz even foreplay was bloody loud. the actual act was something from a horror movie, i had to put a pillow over the face coz i was worried the neighbours will come to find out if i was literally slaughtering someone in the hse!I had heard storoz of guys wanting to stuff socks into the mouth of such ppl & laughed it off but now its starting to make sense! Now its becoming almost impossible to have comfortable time coz the night is the worst time with all the silence screams can travel far, at the hotel ppl passing at the corridor & in the nxt rm get their ears assaulted, even with loud music its still uncomfortable! if she becomes your wife & have kids, do u need to build your bedrm in the basement? in a bunker? noise proof the rm? ....Its a unique problem i have.

Competition is terrible

2010-02-17T10:04:00.001+03:00

I was doing the usual milk-and-bread supermarket run the other day. Turned a corner to head to the long fridge with the dairy products. To be met by the sight of like 4 chics milling about the very spot I was heading for. This is the stuff nightmares are made of. The number of times I've changed direction [run] at the sight of a group of women. Too painful to remember.

Anyway. I knew these ones. Not acquaintance like. But I knew them. Those folks who stand by supermarket shelves, ostensibly waiting for you to show interest in a rival product to that of their employer, and then pounce on you with all sorts of emotional blackmail. Another lot that causes my blood pressure to wobble, and put my avoidance skills to use.

On this day, I couldn't not buy milk. So I steadied myself, put on one of the stern faces from my repertoire, and headed into the apparent den of sales executives. Or business development managers. To my surprise, they didn't pay much attention to me. My ears told me that one of them was probably working while the others were her pals. My mind told me they probably weren't paid enough. To pay much attention. Get over yourself. I did, and went ahead with my ritual. After filling my basket, the probably working gal hands an extra packet of milk to me. This one's on the house. I'm always suspicious of free things. Ever since I came across machine learning algorithms, and discovered that there is no such thing as free lunch. And I've never heard of a buy two get one offer for milk.

Two things came to mind. There may be something to this milk glut thing. Why do I not like this word, glut. The other thing that came to mind was commoditization. Now this is something I exclusively associated with software categories where open source applications have become pervasive. But it seems it can plague all sorts of other things as well. I bought my monthly 500 bob credit at the checkout counter. Loaded it and checked my balance. What am I supposed to do with this 250 bob bonus credit. And I don't know anyone on yu. Terrible.

Triple valentine treat.

2010-02-10T15:50:00.002+03:00

Back in the day when i was much wiser, i made sure i dont get new hook ups in a new yr until after vals or kosanad with several interests in the run up to vals to avoid mental & financial gymnastics that come with this commercial-chicks-propelled holiday. It so happens that as a result of losing some of that 'finese' i suddenly find myself with upto 3 ppl expecting some valentine attention. This cloning business has not fikad here so no chance of your 2 clones entertaining the other two ladies as u deal with the other. Being the average guy i am, i went to a gift shop & the attendant was a bit confused seeing me buying 3 different cards after insisting on price caps on the cards depending on how i rank these chicks. Even buying gifts was another harrowing experience coz i hav never known what to buy even for myself. i tell the attendant 1 need 3 different things/gifts/whatever ppl buy 4 vals. 1 must cost below this amt & put it together with that cheap card i bought, the more expensive 1 to be packed with the better card etc. There is the small matter of meeting some if not all of them this wkend, where r clones when u need them. a question, if u clone yourself does the money u hav double? does the wallet also get 'cloned'? if u kill your clone is it suicide? if u hav sex with your clone is it masturbation?
I hope i also get 3 different treats...i hate vals.

Sexual harrassment

2010-02-02T21:43:00.003+03:00

I had not believed that men actually get sexually harrassed esp at the work place. I actually thought that as a guy that would be a good thing, u dont need to go hunt for food, it drops on your lap like manna from heaven. But when it does happen & its not the customary lady boss type making moves on the young dude several office levels below her but the other way round where u are several levels above her but she still has the guts to make u break into a thin sweat both at work & out of it. I pictured that its dudes who make a deliberate plan on how to get some chick they fancy kumbe i was wrong! dead wrong! A chick leaving a phone cable in my laptop bag then to call when we hav left jobo that she needs it urgently & will passby my hao to collect it, then leaves her shades in my hao when she comes to collect the phone cable. u get the drift. U know the kind of flirty txts a guy sends to a chick he's trying to dart, thats what i was being bombarded with! i tried to play the reluctant, clueless, shy guy but that just gave her more 'jathba'. What didnt help the situation was that she has the looks to boot! U r damned if u say no, & r damned if u say yes.

Sober

2010-01-17T05:19:00.001+03:00

Can't even sleep. Who knew it was such a rare commodity? And I think some girl has me in her sights....or am just being paranoid again.

Of customer service and being blown off

2010-01-08T20:12:00.002+03:00

I've often stood in queues, watching some baba ranting about something or other to do with the service we were all in line for. Or some mama. It tends to be older folk. The guy will complain loudly, while looking at you [but not addressing you directly]. These guys this and these guys that.

I tend to be more sympathetic. Especially because a lot of these problems are because of "systems". I've come to accept that problems happen. Knowing that, there's no reason to get all worked up if I can't get some service in microwave time. Besides, I've been the guy on the other side. The guy doing battle with the "system", and getting the blame and the heat. So I'm sympathetic.

I was in a situation recently though which tested my sympathy somewhat. Quite a familiar story. You have a problem. You tell someone. They go to great lengths to explain to you how things work [so you can't possibly be experiencing the problem that you are]. You look back at them in silence, wondering what else you should tell them. And whether the effort of speaking all those words is worth it. It's not. So you hang your head in resignation and saunter off.

Like I said, problems happen. My qualms are not about that. My problem is that these guys know that there's nothing I can do. I know it too. I have no options. Get the service from somewhere else? Maybe. Chances are the other guys aren't much better. Or worse. There's no other guy. So. Tough. Me and my problems? I'll just have to deal with it. Suck it up and get on with life. This seems to be the situation that many companies put their customers through. And since I don't really like blaming the chic at the enquiries desk, or the guy on the other end of the phone, I feel the buck must stop somewhere higher up. It's one of the reasons those guys earn the big bucks isn't it.

I don't expect there to be no problems. I don't expect problems to be solved ASAP. I don't even expect problems never to recur. All I want is to feel like someone cares.

IT managers and networking

2010-01-08T18:20:00.002+03:00

I've been looking at the back pages of the papers more frequently recently. And there's one theme that has me stumped.

Virtually all advertisements for IT manager positions require the applicant to be able to set up a LAN. Or WAN. Or have certifications like MCSE, cisco and N+? I wrote it off initially as the kind of thing small companies would do. You know, those companies we read about where the IT function reports to the Finance manager. It would be [somewhat] understandable for such guys. But to my astonishment, even large[er] enterprises list this as a requirement.

Maybe it's just me. But what business would an "IT manager" have setting up a network. The presumption being that there is no network at all. And if the company isn't a startup, why would his knowledge of routers be so significant as to appear in the bulleted points. Given, it's useful to have a guy who has heard of TCP/IP at the helm, rather than a coffee farmer, but that's about it. You might as well list a whole host of other things if you are going to have as a key requirement that a guy be able to distinguish between RJ-45 and RJ-11 connectors. As a start, software powers the world. So there'd be a few points in that direction [which you never see]. And skills like project management will certainly be more useful than having the top guy knowing how to configure users in Active Directory.

When I see such ads, it tells me one thing. These guys don't know what they are doing. Or at a minimum, they don't know what they want. It's the same way ads for programmers some time back would require a guy to know a list of technologies so long that you could make up some acronym and stick it in there and it wouldn't look out of place. It's good to see that such things have reduced. What you still see are guys looking for a programmer, who will also be required to repair PCs. Again, for the county councils of this part of the world, that's expected if not excusable.

You can't blame the HR guys. They probably get the requirements from other guys. Or can you. Do they add in this one requirement specifically. And I suspect this might not be so farfetched. After all, if all other companies require it for their IT managers, it must mean that it's a really important thing and we also must have it. I'm starting to think that's how a lot of things are done. Everyone else does it that way, so must we.

There's also the Masters requirement. Absolutely ubiquitous this one. The first thing listed. Another one that gets my head shaking. If I have a deep understanding of Association Rule Mining algorithms, does that really help you. Really. Plausible but unlikely. Spurious. If the masters required is in office politics, that would be a different story. But guys with a masters in computer science are better off in universities or R&D labs. The only way to rationalise this requirement [for these particular guys at least] is that they want guys above a certain age. Then you remember that they can simply say that. Or would they get age discrimination complaints. What else. Nothing comes to mind. What comes to mind is the number of not-so-old people who've built a bunch of tech companies. So even age for the sake of age is a bit shaky as a requirement. Perhaps they want to reduce the number of applications they receive, and subsequently have to go through. This one makes the most sense. But then again if you look at it critically, flaws start to appear all over the place. If you are willing [by choice or by default] to spend resources processing possibly thousands of applications for lower level jobs, surely the place to look to cut costs shouldn't be for the more senior guys.

I'm starting to believe that I think in very skewed ways.

aJamaa goes a walking day 4

2010-01-06T14:20:00.003+03:00

We woke up to some really nice blue skies and the peak seemed even closer. The weather had been good to us so far and we hoped that we would be equally lucky in the night when we attempted the dawn asent that had brought us all the way here.

Since we would start our summit at 11pm in the night, we only hiked 3 hours in the morning. I was delighted to find a banda at our next camp. At least we would not have to spend a night in the tent especially now that we were at an altitude of 4ooom and it was getting really cold. Our bodies were starting to get a real bitting from the altitude. People were complaining of headaches, loss of appetite and bad stomachs. I was lucky, I was getting a little light headed but nothing too serious. We were advised to take a nap after lunch since we would not be sleeping in the night.

We were woken up at 6 for dinner. The cook had made chapos and beef stew. After dinner we got our last briefing. The guides were very firm about the fact that if they decided that anyone of us was in no state to proceed then such a perso must turn back. They also reminded us that our bodies would feel worse as we got nearer to the top and we had to vumilia if we were to get to the top and so should not chicken out just because of a little vomiting, dizziness or difficulty in breathing.

We got back into our sleeping bags and woke up at 11 for a quick cup of tea. I was now wearing all my warm stuff. A t-shirt, sweat shirt, fleece and heavy jacket to keep my torso warm, a pair of heavy cotton track suit pants, cotton pants and water proof pants to keep the legs warm and most importantly two pairs of heavy stockings on my feet. We set out into the dark in a single file. Again the weather was on our side. The sky was clear and there was a full moon making torches unnecessary.

Although I did not have my rucksack, the hike was really hard. I hard to walk very slowly and even then I found myself getting out of breath every few steps. After walking for like 15 minutes, I started getting really hot under all the clothes I was wearing. I overcame the temptation to take anything off and just unzipped my jacket.

I knew the night would be long, the hike hard and my body would suffer. With this kind of situation, I needed motivation and I turned to my i-Pod. I called on the best of Zone out. The mixes that saw me through StanChart marathon - Ego, Hypnotize and Zone out. Kamikaze, you are a hero. I also kept my eyes on the ground to spare my self the depression that would obviously come from looking up and seeing how far we still had to go. As we went a long the group started breaking up. It would start with vomiting then a reduced pace and before you know it one or two members of the group would fall behind never to be seen again. At some point even one of the guides said enough was enough and turned back. With the benefit of hindsight maybe he did that to give people who were really suffering a respectable way out. Kama guide ameshindwa nani mimi?

It was really cold but I suffered most from the headache that seemed to get worse with every step. By some miracle we got to the second highest peak just before 6.30. Out of the 13 that started only five of us remained. After a little celebration, we started our 1.5 hour walk to point Uhuru - 5895m, highest point in Africa. To get to Uhuru we had to walk along the crater and when the sun started rising it was the most amazing site ever. We were so high up that their was a film of clouds spread out as far as the eye could see. The sun came up a horizon of clouds and showered us with its warm rays. With the sunlight, we could also enjoy the snow that must have fallen the night before and the majestic glaciers that will apparently fall victim to global warming in a few years.

I got to Point Uhuru at around 7.30.

Done Kili, attempted Ruwenzori now have Mt Kenya to go.

aJamaa goes a walking - Day 3

2010-01-06T13:50:00.005+03:00

We were woken up at around 6.30. It was to be a long day with an 8 hour hike. I realised how high we already were when I noticed that I could no longer see the forest we had walked through the previous day, since it was under some clouds and we were now over the clouds.

We started our morning hike just after 8. We were walking through the heath and moorland belt. It was a nice sunny day and the peak was very clear. The scenery was composed of thick shrubs the kind that makes one think that some animal is going to jump out of and fagia you from the path to the bush in the other side of of the path. If you have watched 2000 BC you might be able to imagine what I am talking about. I would hav appreciated the scenery more if I was not weighed down by my rucksack. Although I really suffered carrying it the previous day, I convinced myself that my body would get used to it and from the second day things would be better.

We stopped for lunch at some caves. I was getting very impressed with the cook. The man could rustle up a simple but tasty meal in a very short time in the middle of the bush. Very many other people stopped for lunch at the same place. There must have been at least 6 different groups and considering each group had a minimum of 30 support guys the area around the cave was soon looking like a market.

We started our afternoon hike shortly after 1. By now my body was really starting to feel the effects of hiking up a gentle incline weighed down by a 14kg rucksack. One of the guys in my group told me about how in his younger days he would go mountain climbing without guides and porters and so everyone in their group had to carry either food, utensils or jiko and as such each of them would carry between 20 and 25kgs. After dragging myself up a never ending incline for four hours I got to the campsite. Tensions were getting higher the peak was really close now, it was getting colder and the thought that we would be summiting the following night was at the top of everyones mind.

I hardly slept that night. A strong wind was blowing outside, my feet were really cold, despite me wearing 2 fresh pairs of woollen socks. To add insult on to injury there was a guy in a nearby tent who was snoring really loudly.

aJamaa goes a walking - Day 3

2010-01-06T13:33:00.004+03:00

We met our guides after breakfirst. There were 3 of them. The lead guide was 50 plus and he claimed to have been up the mountain 123 times before. That was pretty comforting. We were taken through the do's and the dont's of the mountain. The most interesting was that couples were instructed not to have sex and as a deterrent there would be no two man tents. We were also advised not to carry rucksacks that were more than 30% of one's body weight, mine was only 14Kgs. At the time that seemed ok but after dragging that damn thing on my back for 3 days, I was regretting not getting a porter to help me with it.

We sneaked into Tz at around 10 am and got into the park. The walk through the rain forest was amazing the trees were very relaxing and I got my first taste of fresh mountain river water. At the end of the day we set up camp at the edge of the forest. I was informed I would be sharing a tent with couple still in the honey moon period of their marriege - got married in August. That was a bit disconcerting.

aJamaa goes a walking - Day 2

2010-01-06T13:28:00.004+03:00

The Chinese brought in a caterpillar that cleared bushes from the side of the road to allow cars to get through the mud pool that was formerly the road. We did not get too far before we ran into a section of road that was too narrow for two cars pass alongside each other and unfortunately there was an oncoming mat and truch. The mat guy convinced us to reverse a little to let him and the truck through. Since we were in a Nissan Urvan the mat would be able to pull us out if we got stuck while reversing. The dere is a nice guy, he decided to be the bigger man and give them way. Since nice guys always finish last, we got stuck, the mat guys tried to push us out, in the process the car battery got messed and so the car could not start and the mat guys took off leaving us to our own devices.

After a long wait and several attempts at pushing a 1.5 tonne mat whose engine could not come on, a good samaritan lent us his battery and another helped pull us out of the mud. We got to Loitoktok in the afternoon and proceeded to the base camp we would start our hike from.

aJamaa goes a walking - Day 1

2010-01-06T13:02:00.004+03:00

We left Nairobi at around 9am. There were 13 of us. I did not know anyone in the group and was trying not to get into a panic about the fact that I would be spending the next six days with a group of strangers. I carried a book and an iPod just in case I could not find anything in common with the rest of the group.

The drive from Nairobi to Emali was nothing to write home about. The drive from Emali to Loitoktok was a different story all together. The Chinese have been working on the road so the first 50 or 60kms were really good and the fact there were no other cars on the road made the trip even better.

The fun and games started when we got to a little shopping centre called Kinama. There were many vehicles parked by the roadside and when we got close a guy by the roadside warned us that the road ahead was flooded. We stopped. A few minutes later water started coming down the road. It was a strange site especially since it was not raining. Less than five minutes later the road had turned into a river. I have now experienced flash floods.

Later the water reduced and we set off again. We did not get too far. The Chinese had dug out the road further down and after the rain, the road had become unpassable. Even Land cruisers and Range rovers could not get through. We went back to the small town and spent the night in a lodging that did not have self contained rooms. My room was so filthy the only thing I took off to get into bed was my shoes.

Zap

2009-12-31T12:36:00.002+03:00

Did my first zap transaction. I'd been looking to use this service for some time but walking about, the only places I saw with the relevant signage were these exhibition stall type places. A box by the pavement that was just big enough for the person manning the place to turn around really slowly. Not really appealing to those of us blessed with healthy doses of paranoia.

So I decided to ask someone who works on the inside if there was a more reasonable place that a guy can do this business. Not once have I managed to get to talk to an actual live human after dialling the customer care number. Try the post office, came back the reply. I didn't believe that response at first, but figured I'd not laugh it off completely, given that this was coming from the horse's mouth. It was time for my posta run anyway. Didn't see any big signs at first but sure enough there were a couple of counters where in addition to paying whatever bill you could imagine [this must be their main business these days], you could zap. And when did you start offering this service, I ask the guy across the glass. Two months ago. Now, I don't read the papers everyday, and watch the circus that is local news even less frequently, but I had not heard that post offices had become zap agents. I was at the zain website last week and it certainly wasn't among the 100+ page list of agents. So you can't get info from customer care because you'll never get through, and you can't get info from the website because it's never updated. Never = Sufficiently infrequent, tending towards Never. If you don't know a guy who works for zap who you can email, you end up not using the service. Or perhaps that's just me.

Viatu za mbao

2009-12-21T16:32:00.000+03:00

How is it possible to buy shoes for 20 bob. Women are so lucky.

Who makes these websites

2009-12-17T10:56:00.002+03:00

It's incredible. Perhaps I need to be reminded why people put up websites. Is it so that the CEO can tick the "Have website" check box. So that the IT manager can get over being hassled about [lack of] progress on a company website. Or so that people can have a grand occassion at some hotel to launch the website. Garbage.

Now, I've never been one to pay much attention to web stuff. That, to me, has always been another, ethereal world. In which wizards do whatever they do. Magic I think it's called. I have read HTML tutorials innumerable times. [As it is I'm now reading PHP ones] It's torture. I can never seem to get my head around this web stuff. And always at the end of the tutorial [listing of tags or functions or whatever], I find myself shaking my head, wondering what I'm meant to do with it all. I find thinking in Prolog orders of magnitude easier than thinking in HTML. And that's not including aesthetics and employing one's so called creative side. Torture.

My long standing apathy towards websites has been somewhat shaken lately. My visists to corporate websites in search of info have yielded great surprises. The first is a complete lack of said information. Information that a typical user or customer or whatever would go to the site to get. Then there are those who don't update their information. Same thing. What's the point. Are the pages there as some historical edifice or something. Is a URL something you acquire to put in marketing materials or is it meant to serve some kind of [more] meaningful purpose. Then there's the sad tale of the missing links. Reminds me of GHC and Zinjanthroupus. Let me click on this About link and see what these guys have to say about themselves. 404. Or guys who boldly tell you "click here!", only there's no applicable link anywhere in the vicinity for you to "click here!" on. Some guys do give you plenty of links to click on, but after furious clicking, disabling of NoScript, and generally wondering if those lingering thoughts of you going senile aren't that farfetched, you look up and discover that all of them point to the same place. Hompage/#. Why torture me so. And today, another surprise. Guys advertise a URL, but if you go to the home page, you'll never be able to navigate to said URL. Why? There's no way to get there, apart from doing a Ctrl+L and typing the link as given.

The way I see it, some of these guys are just small business owners who want to get on with their lives, and wrestling with things like CMSs [can't wrap my head around this one either] isn't what they want to be doing. Although they could do some due diligence and mystery customer kind of stuff. The same way the restaurant owner can discover that there aren't enough forks, or the bar owner that there aren't enough glasses. But everyone's too busy running the business to think about customers. Some are big companies. Not big companies selling soap. Big companies that would require you to know awk for them to hire you. What excuse will suffice here I wonder. Beats me. I can't create a web page, let alone a web site. But. Who are making these websites. Why are so many so inadequate.

Refusing to come of age

2009-12-11T13:26:00.003+03:00

In the last few months (more than a year actually)I started going to the kinyozi early on Sunday morning. One of the benefits of not having itchy feet on Saturday evening is that I sleep early go for the 730 mass and then have a whole hangi free day to myself. But it is weird that I get a lot less done than when I used to stagger into the house at between 2 and 4 pm. I like going to the Kinyozi before 10am to avoid long queues. I cannot stand the wait especially since they take much longer fixing up a guy now that they decided to also be washing peoples heads after they cut the hair. I also like knowing that I will get the same person to cut my hair. I like the predictability and knowing that later that evening or the next morning I will not be looking at my head and thinking I look weird. Most of all I get the same guy to shave me because I do not have to explain to him how I want my hair cut. How do you go about explaining how long or short you want your hair. Your are left saying stuff like, 'Refu kidogo kushinda yako' which of course they guy does not understand so he first shaves the top of your head and asks, Hivyo? and all you can say is Sawa since the hair is already gone.

There is a guy who usuallys also goes in for his haircut at around the same time as me. I guess he is in his mid to late 40s and usually comes with his 3 or 4 year old kid who I bet begs to come with him but soon gets bored of the waiting and starts in and out of the barber shop making car, train, sounds to my great irritation. This guy does not usually just come for a hair cut, he also gets his hair dyed black. The process of dying the hair is quite interesting first the hair is cut, then the barber wears some gloves and applies dye on what i presume to be the white spots. I always wonder about the gloves. Are they to prevent the barber from getting very black hands or to protect them from the corrosive dye he is applying on somebodys scarf. After the dye is applied the guy has to sit around for another 15 minutes or so waiting for it to dry, set or whatever it is. I thought the guy was weird until this past Sunday when I found two guys sitted at the kinyozi's in a manner to suggest that they had just gotten their hair dyed.

I cannot be too far from getting white hair. I find myself wondering why anyone would want to hide the fact that they have white hair. Is it because Kalonzo does it? I think Koffi Annan looks pretty distinguished with his white hair and goatee. We were grown to believe that respecting our elders is the right thing to do so I would imagine white hair is desirable since it earns you respect. Are guys with white hair discriminated against? Forced into retirement or taken advantage off? I really struggle to understand why anyone would want to pretend to be younger than they are.

Massage

2009-12-10T21:06:00.002+03:00

During my one and only trip to coastarica, Kamikaze kept saying, "There! I bet I can get a massage there", or something to that effect.

I'm in a similar state. In need of a massage. Once upon a time I called up one of those numbers listed in the classifieds. You know, the beauty section. I don't know why I did it. Probably boredom. Or something else. But it was a sato afternoon and I figured why not. I think I asked whether they can do the kind of stuff that makes paralysed guys walk again [a yes], where they [she?] were located and how much it would cost a guy. I think they mentioned a location is some exotic residential area and seeing as I didn't own a car, I didn't consider it further. Not to say that if they were located next door the outcome would have been different. Blue pill, red pill, who knows what would have happened.

Now I've had a bad back for the longest time so it's not totally new the situation I'm in now. But I think I'm in serious need of a massage. There was a time one of my workmates had one and apparently it made him all better. Or was that physiotherapy. I've heard a few other working folks having the same done. Perhaps it's just another occupational hazard. Or we aren't getting enough sunshine or something. Now that I wouldn't place myself in the hands of the lovely people in the classifieds [tempting as that may be], and my phonebook has exactly zero chics to whom I can suggest such an exercise, I'm left with the guys in white coats.

VCT

2009-12-10T15:00:00.002+03:00

I rarely go into town. I do my biweekly Posta run, with the accompanied bill paying and that's just about it. So I end up missing a lot of the goings-on in the city. You're walking across a street and start to think to yourself how wide the pavement has become. Kumbe there's a make-every-street-one-way project going on, that's why. Or you discover that mathrees moved.

So walking about town and seeing the tents, I was a bit confused. This was either a bank, doing what banks do best, or a blood donation drive. But somehow none of these prospects seemed convincing. Until I got closer and was able to see the VCT logos. I'm pretty blind as it is. What was interesting to me wasn't the foray into the CBD of this service. OK. It was interesting, but what was more interesting was the host of people standing outside [presumably] waiting to be tested. I always imagined that this was the kind of thing people do highly anonymously, in a distant neighbourhood, in the dark. I thought there was stigma associated with testing, and that generally one wouldn't want to be recognized while doing it. It seems I was wrong. A pleasant surprise if that is so. I've only ever tested the once. And seeing all those people made me feel like I was on the wrong side. But if everyone is doing it, it can only be a good thing. I wonder who pays all those folks manning the centres though. Doubt it's the GoK.

Mbili mbili

2009-12-09T18:57:00.002+03:00

I decided some time back that walking around with multiple phones was ridiculous. I just wasn't going to do it. Look at me now. My initial excuse was that the main phone didn't have too much credit, in case I got arrested by city council askaris for breaking some by-law I was unaware existed and needed to tell someone about it. Am I the only one who gets a bought of paranoia about this every time I leave the house.

I can't remember the other trigger, but one day I left the house with two phones in my pocket. And then it happened one other time. And now it doesn't seem so evil anymore. Inexplicable.

REGRET

2009-12-09T18:30:00.002+03:00

I got my first regret email today. Actually the email has a timestamp of yesterday but I could swear it wasn't in my inbox before today. It looks a lot like an auto-generated reply, but any kind of reply is better than none. Far better.

I made my first application in August. And for a week or two after that I would go into the shower with my phone. Or think about it at least. Then I remembered the experience from the last time I was sending CVs around. You're likely to get a call several months down the line when you've completely forgotten about whoever it is that's calling you. If you do get a call.

A new way

2009-12-03T13:48:00.002+03:00

Its now 1.52pm and I am sitted at my desk. The question I need you to ask yourself is why is a jamaa not out at lunch? Could it be the rain? Is it because I am on a diet (not a bad idea seem to have put on 1.5Kg in Naijja, do I have so much work that I cannot spare time for lunch?

The answer is that a jamaa found a new way of doing things. I have been having challenges going out for lunch for the last one year.One of the draw backs of working in the same place for the last seven years is that over time most of the people you are used to having lunch with leave and then you find yourself in a situation where at midday you start looking around to find someone you would like to go for lunch with. This is stressful because you either end up getting rejected by that guy or that chick who already has plans or end up going with guys who you really dont want to talk to or listen to. Even when you get company there is also the stress that comes from unpredictability. You get to a restuarant (kiosks in upper hill are few and far between)and either they do not have what you want to eat or they take too long to bring it or what they bring does not meet your expectations of quality or quantity. With this kind of situation I found myself getting very stressed around lunch time.

Just over a month ago, I decided I had had enough and started carrying lunch. I eat more or less the same thing every day.A sandwitch made of a bun from Tuskys, lettuce, cucumber, tomato and a the feeling of the day (cheese, ham, tuna). I also carry youghurt, nuts or salad on alternate days. I have received quite a number of interesting comments about my new way of doing things. Two of my work mates have commended my new galfriend for taking very good care of me, despite my protestations of not having a new galfriend. My desk mate confessed that they thought I would only last a week carrying lunch. My Dad has been sharing stories of how he used to carry lunch when when he started his first job. My Mum has been coming up with all sorts of suggestion about what else I can be carrying, an egg, banana etc

Reading a novel

2009-11-30T20:35:00.002+03:00

Yeah. Things are that bad. Can't remember the last time I made an attempt. High school perhaps. Never been a reader. Which is a funny thing because they used to call me bookworm in primary school. Didn't understood where they got that from. All I lived for then was football, and whatever other games were in season.

There was this one time this chic really surprised me. We were meant to be rehearsing a song for some thing and she was in charge. Girls were always in charge. Anyway, me and another guy were playing football at the far end of the room or hall or whatever. With a bottle top. She got all cross at some point. Something about our lack of seriousness and how immature we were. I was a bit pained, in between the feelings of shock at her tirade. But I quickly concluded that if being mature meant I couldn't play around with a pekelee, I wasn't interested.

And when the Hardy Boys bug hit around the same time people were "maturing", I missed out. It took me an eternity to read through one of them mysteries, the times I tried. Couldn't understand how other people finished them so fast. And it's been the same ever since. The fatter the book, the more terrifying. The more likely I was not to get past page 10, or whatever I'd managed in the first sitting. I scraped through high school literature without once reading Mine Boy or Shamba la Wanyama from cover to cover. I just couldn't do it.

But now I'm attempting to read. Why? To stave off alzheimer's. It seems the older you get, the more things you do out of requirement, rather than really wanting to. You run around to keep the diabetes at bay and the like. So if it's not this novel, it's crosswords. Or sudoku. Shudder.

All the single [independent] ladies

2009-10-22T22:37:00.004+03:00

I think I've been hanging out with guys for too long. Which reminds me. With the good doctor going off to the bunduz, it's going to be a total guy thing. He's the only one who brings the odd gal to the party. The first consequence has been a total disappearance of "kiswahili". I couldn't approach a gal seated alone on a counter if my life depended on it. The other has been getting too steeped in man-logic.

A couple of ladies were telling me how they're terrified of getting to 30 without being hitched. One mentioned that the pain would be less if one has a kid. And all those rich, successful, high flying career women? Single because men want to boss things, or are intimidated or some other reason I can't remember. I generally stopped having such discussions. But when you're seated opposite a chic with nothing to say except that the current rains don't deserve the El Nino tag, you grab onto whatever you can. What could possibly be wrong about a woman who earns twice what I do. It's great fun not having to sambaza. If she's into coffee at the Stanley and the like, it's either I don't do that scene, or she pays. Not really into that living beyond your means lifestyle. And her paying wouldn't make me feel terrible or anything. Not any more terrible than if 0.5 was paying. No emancipation issues here. I think the red bima chic got engaged or something. I would have stalked her otherwise. Still have her business card.

Whatever the case, I always say that there are indeed worse things than being single. And I should meet some of these independent ladies who guys are meant to be intimidated by.

Committee

2009-10-16T14:00:00.002+03:00

I attended my first wedding committee meeting yesterday. I've always wondered what these things are about, and what people do for weeks on end. And after a couple of hours, I was non the wiser.

I did garner some insight though. Although all along it felt like the first day at a new school. Where do we stand, where do we go from here, when do we talk, where are the toilets, can I go back home. It was quite apparent that I was the only one around the table who'd never been to one of these. In fact, I was one of the few who didn't have a ring flashing about when I gesticulated. At the end of it all, it turned out that the purpose of the committee is to get quotes from people who bake cakes and the like. To which I thought, has someone not compiled a list and pasted it on the internet somewhere? Surely, hundreds of people need not sit in restaurants every evening and talk about the same thing. What a guy needs is a few guys to help out on D-day, when he's too busy being anxious and nervous and stuff. Oh. Another thing I learnt. The cost of the wedding dress is not to be mentioned as part of the budget. Which means either the cost is nominal, or the cost of the wedding dress is not to be mentioned as part of the budget.

If I'm to go down this road, it's probably another 5,6 years away. At least. You need a life's savings to pull this marriage business off. Then again I'm the kind of guy who'd probably just get a certificate and forgo all the hullabaloo. If any of the good doctors took x-rays of my body they'd tell you that there isn't a romantic bone to be found.

Cured of itchy feet

2009-09-17T01:36:00.002+03:00

I promised myself that I would not touch a machine during my 2 weeks of leave. So commited was i to achiving this objective that I left my laptop at home. But it seems after 8 years of touching a machine at least once a week (and even when I stayed away for this week I was on top of a mountain)I cannot stay away. But this is only an aside.

I used to suffer from itchy feet. Between 2000 and 2006 I could not stand staying at home on a Saturday evening. It did not matter what I was doing the Friday before, during the Saturday or what I had planned for the following Sunday. Even on those Satos I spent the day at home, by about 6 I would get a severe attack of itchy feet. My feet would demand to be taken out for a walk. To a pub specifically. Frantic calls would be made to the other introverteds in search for company. I have fond memories of those Satos in 2004 when I would leave class go to Choices and leave a bag full of students scripts behind the counter, chase after younguns and make sure I leave the pub by 4pm so that I could wake up in time for the 11 am mass.

That was then. Somewhere around 2007 I discovered the beauty of staying home on a Sato evening. Taking it easy, watching some telly, reading a book or generally bumming in the house. In 2009, this has now become the norm. Its gotten so bad that I cannot even remember the last time I went out on a Sato. I am not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing or if its just a thing. May be I have gone full circle from having ithcy feet that demand to be walked to rotten feet that demand to be put up on a couch and taken to bed early. One of the effects of staying home on Satos is that I end up sleeping early and then waking up early on Sunday. I like having a full day on Sunday but I dont think I am doing anything with the extra time.

The transition from itchy feet to rotten feet is just one of the changes that have occurred to my life now that I am closer to 40 than I am to 30.

To gift or not to gift

2009-08-31T18:50:00.002+03:00

I was listening to the radio the other day. Some devastated lass was lamenting how she'd bought some thing for her jamaa, only for him to sell it. Hilarious.

As much I sympathised with her, I could see how the guy had the reaction he did. Being from Mars and all. Perhaps I wouldn't be brave enough to flog something given to me by a significant other. I do value my life. But I'm utterly clueless when it comes to the gifting etiquette. There's this one time when a chic declared that she was buying a new phone and could she give me the one she had then. My respone was the predicatable befuddled look. The "Are you embarassed by my 3310" look. That conversation didn't progress much further. I think she gave the phone to her small sis or cousin or something.

The thing that makes me queasy about this gift giving business is the implied quid pro quo. Like when someone says to you "I love you". What do you say in response. Are you supposed to wear the shirt that she bought you when you go out together? Do you buy her a blouse? Can you give her money to buy a blouse? This is why some of us would fail miserably at relationships. Utterly clueless.